March 20, 2008 10:20pm CST
Ok here is the thing I was married for 15 years to my first wife and we had two kids one boy who is now 18 and one daughter who is now 11. We have been divorced now for over 6 years. I've since re-married to a wonderful and loving woman who has three girls ages 8 to 14. At first it was hard to bring my ideas of parenting and hers together. But all in all we both had the same values about raising kids. I have been with family now for over 5years and grown real close to her girls and love them as they were my own. The thing is I find myself sometimes not thinking of my own kids because of my new family and the desire to make them a happy life with me. Its not like I forget my kids really but I find myself wanting to spend time here with my new family more than with my own kids. My son comes by at least once a week or at least calls me daily.My daughter lives with her mom over 125 miles away and that makes it hard for me to see her as much as I like to. By the times I get home I dont have much time to call her because of it being so late and I feel if i call late I am interrupting my X-wife and her new family time together. So I dont get to call like i used to and dont get to see my daughter as much as I would like. Have you ever had to go through this and what did you do to change things?
• United States
21 Mar 08
I have not been through what you are going through exactly. I am the mom and my ex husband doesn't see the kids because he don't feel like it sometimes. He lives 20 miles away gets the kids when he feels like it and hardly ever calls. I hope that you can find a way to keep your kids in your life and not let them feel like a burden or that you love your new family more. I know it is hard to keep family bonds strong especially when it is long distant. I know someone that his dad wasn't there for him like he should have been after the divorce, the dad went on and married into a new family. He loved the new family in a different way and the son picked up on it. there are still hurt feelings there and that has been over 20 years ago. I know it is easier to build bonds and develope relationships with people who you can be with more frequently. If you and your ex talk maybe you could find out from her how late you can call or work out what time is best for all of you. There are picture sharing sites where you all can post pictures and add comments to help stay in touch. If the mom will let the daughter have e mail that is another great way to chat and stay in touch and it can be viewed and sent when convenient. instant messenger is another way. There are so many ways to stay in touch. Don't feel guilty for loving your new family but remember it is not two different families. Your family and her family are now one. Love each others kids like your own and things will get better. To many times things are your family and my family, when you get married it becomes our family. Best of luck to you and your family.
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