When my BESTFRIEND cheated me....

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Actually, this thing happened 12 years ago, but still, i can feel the pain and the disappointment. It's been 12 years, and yet, i still linger to that past, not because of anything, but because... i love the guy so much. It's been 12 years and yet i know in my heart, i still love him. But, i have to let go... he has his own family now. I and A has been together for a year then, i transfered to another school, i send him letters, and for the first few months, i receive letters.. almost everyday. But then after a while, i received only few, its then that i called up A's best friend and he told me that one of my best friend betrayed me. I finish the school year and went back to my home town, i ask everybody but, they dont want to admit who betrayed me. One day, i saw E, one of my bestfriend, fortunately we are enrolling in the same school, we chatted and she asked my address coz she said she wants to talk to me. Then she came to my house, we talk about things etc and i then i cant wait anymore to ask her who betrayed me... And she admited... its was her. I was stunned and almost cry then i told him softly to leave, to leave me alone. I cried, its like on that day my heart die, together with him. After few days, A came to my place and talk to me, but i told him its very painful and i need time to think about it. He wants to come back but, how can i trust him? After 7 years he got married to a woman he never loved. How do i know? His bestfriend told me, since then i didnt went back to my hometown, i just met again my bestfriend recently and i forgive her after 12 years. Last week, it was holy week, and... for long years i went back to the province, he came to our house and hug me soooo tight, slowly i push him away from me, i told him that, the situation is not like before... I'm still single at 29, longing for love, longing maybe... for him. What if my bestfreind didnt cheat me, how many kids i have now? I know he's not happy and even told me that he wants to be with me, its sooo irony, people telling me that i was broken hearted thats the reason why im still single, I know... i love him... but hes now a married man.