Will you go against your parents for a relationship?

Philippines
March 30, 2008 9:48am CST
I have seen a lot of people who could give up everything and anything for the love of their life. Sometimes, they would even end up going against their parents just to keep a relationship. In the Philippines though, people who go against their parents for the sake of a relationship they are in, are seen as ungrateful and disobedient children. I do not know how it is in other countries. Perhaps myLotters from other countries can share... I don't know but personally, I believe that for as long as there is nothing wrong with the relationship and that the people involved love each other, I don't see anything wrong with going against what your parents want. Of course, our parents want the best for us and I respect that. If our parents disapprove of a relationship because they see that something is wrong and that it would just lead to many problems in the future, then I think we should listen to what our parents have to say about it and give it a thought. But, if they are against the relationship without any valid reason or just because they wanted somebody else for you -- maybe someone you do not even love -- then I would fight for what I believe is right. How about you?
9 people like this
36 responses
@y2ksuprio (850)
• India
30 Mar 08
One thing I only know is their is no such definations of true love. So if you love some one truely and both of you are going to be happy with your relationship then your parents should not interfere about it. after all it's your life. Once they will confirm that you both are very happy living together then I think they will understand. So I think it is not a wrong decision to go against your parents for a relationship.
• Australia
30 Mar 08
I uppose i would i kinda have before, before but they got over it anyway. I think it is most important to follow your heart and your instincts. If you just listen to yourself you will make the right choices anyway. I dont think anyone should have the right to tell you who you should and shouldn't love, i dont think you can turn love on and off like that and you would always be wanting that person.
1 person likes this
@mememama (3077)
• United States
30 Mar 08
My parents have open minds, so they didn't mind any of the men I dated. My dad is a bit scary looking with large arm muscles and tattoos, so often he'd scare them away. My husband and dad get along really well, they like to drink microbrews together and shoot pool. Some of the older people in my family don't like him because of his mixed race, but they got over it. But before I met my husband, I did date a few guys whose parents did not approve of me because we were different races. One set of parents eventually came around, and the other two sets of parents broke us up.
1 person likes this
@ladysakurax (1163)
• Canada
30 Mar 08
You are totally right. You think wisely. Here in Canada, it is hard to tell. There is a mixed of culture and it's all different. Some parents wouldn't care with who their children are dating with. Some parents who came from other countries kept the culture which is my case. However, the rebel is high because there are alot of influence from other people. As for myself, my family don't want me to date someone because they want to choose someone for me but I can't accept a stranger..it just doesn't work out for me. So I am dating my bf secretely and I'll let my parents know when we finish school. Then we'll have a job and it will prove that he can take care of me so they don't have to worry about us. The opinions of parents matter alot because if they aren't happy about our relationship, I won't feel right with myself. They are the only close relative I have and if I marry someone whom my family doesn't approve, I'll be depressed. Living the rest of my life with my love but never seeing my parents happy. I don't think I would run away with my love because the futur is unpreddictable. If it happens that he isn't interested in me anymore,I would go back home embarassed. I must that it is alot of stress but i am happy that my bf is a good person.I asked my mother what qualities she is looking for in a man and when comparing, my bf has those so I am happy.
1 person likes this
@ssh123 (31104)
• India
30 Mar 08
In India, the family relationship among the members are so good and close, they generally do not go against the wishes of the parents - I mean son/daughter tell their parents about their future partner with the parents and of late parents agree to have a meeting with the parents of the boy/girl whom their children would like to marry. I feel one out of 1000 may deviate and choose one's own parner without the consent of the parents and therefore they go out of the house to live separately.
• United States
30 Mar 08
I have gone against my parents when I dated one guy. We dated off and on for about 3 yrs. I am no longer with him and no it isn't because of my parents. It is because I felt we were going no where. I also felt we were on different levels in the relationship. I wanted something more and he wanted to play around and not get serious even though he was older than I was.
• United States
31 Mar 08
I agree. If the parents have seen that the person their child is seeing is treat them badly , then they should break them up. But if the parents just disapprove without getting to know the person, that is wrong.Most of the time the parents are judging the person on appearance.That's wrong too. Here in the States, if a young adult cuts their family ties because of a relationship, most of the time the parents get blamed.People assume that the parents were bad parents.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
31 Mar 08
my inlaws attempted to break my husband and i up countless times. all they managed to do was destroy their relationship with their son for not respecting him as an adult capable of making his own choices in life and love. it took a very long time for them to accept us as a couple, and alot of wasted time that couldnt be retrieved. if a person is happy and content, thats all that should matter at all to anyone.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Apr 08
I agree, if your child is happy and is being treated well, then you should accept their mate.
@dandan07 (1908)
• China
28 Dec 08
To me, i think family members is very important, I will not give up it for anything in the world. Love is a part of our life, but why my lover can not live with my parents. Parents always think on the benefit of their children, so their suggestion is vey useful. Even I can not accept it, I will respect it.
• United States
6 May 08
Once a person has become an adult, they are no longer childre. And if thier parents appprove, all the better, but if not..it is still the choice of the ADULT child to make their own free choices for their life. Frankly, before I was married, I was in the military and my parents did not even have the chance to meet my husband. My husband and I met in the military and we were overseas and..whether my parents would have approved or not, my husband and I were happy and I my place then was wiht MY HUSBAND. 4 years later we were sent back to the USA and we had 3 little ones and were on our 4th year of marriage. (Very happy.) Choosing a life mate is very personal. It's not for the parents to decide. No need to fight about it. Just ..if you love a person and they do treat you very well..do what you will. And if the parents want a fight..just keep your differences seperated unitl they mellow out and deal with it. If they cannot, then your place is with your spouse and..that's the way it goes. A child may be "disobedient" when a child or teen. But once you have grown into an adult, parents need to be supportive or stay out of it. (My husband is 17 years older than I and we are happy wiht 3 grown children now and getting ready for our 25th wedding Anniversary. I think we chose just fine without them.)
@suhascg (227)
• Australia
6 May 08
i totally agree with you. even if your parents dont agree in the beginning they have to eventually agree is what i beleive. your parents definitely want your happiness in the end and if they see that u r happy with the person you love, there should be no problem for them to accept him/her..
@chirantani (1382)
• India
6 May 08
I think, going against the parents are totally impossible as they are the persons who supports us at every stages of our life. So, before betraying them, we should think about the sacrifices they made to bring a little smile in our face.Briefly, we should not destroy existing relationship to make a new one.
@sisco100 (2345)
• United States
5 Apr 08
ya, if they really care and love u, then they would be happy for u no matter wht. i'm sorry but if my parents arent happy with who i'm with then thts there problem not mine. there not the ones dating her.
@nengs10 (3188)
• Philippines
2 Apr 08
I would probably do it. To love someone is a personal choice. I may frequently seek advice from my parents about this from time to time. Still, I have to follow my own decisions. The good thing is my parents love my partner and I don't need to worry much. I love them all.
@nimette (339)
• Philippines
2 Apr 08
i'll fight when the relationship is worth fighting for. but based on my experience my parents had always been right about the guy i was dating. they don't actually tell me outright that they don't like the guy, but they give hints and constant reminders. i still want my parents consent regarding this kind of matters.
• China
1 Apr 08
in life,lots of people suffer the pain of parents' disapproving,this phenomena is existed among the most parts of people.last year,i see the sorrowful scene of my good friend,her parents disagree his love story,force her to quit,at that moment,i also stayed in her room and heared her mother's words with tears out of eyes.i feel that the atmosphere was so grouchy.at last,i must leave without any words. i am only to say that:every dog has his day!^-^
@cortney09 (1346)
• United States
1 Apr 08
I married my husband (we have been married for five years now) and because my parents and him don't get along I haven't spoken to my mom in more than a year. I can't for the life of me figure out why she doesn't like him. All I know is that she wanted me to marry someone with money and because he isn't rich she thinks he isn't good enough for me. So, with marrying my husband I went against what my parents wishes were. I figure I am marrying him, they are not, so I know what is best in this aspect.
@Modestah (11192)
• United States
31 Mar 08
I think it is a very wise thing for a young person to heed the advice and wisdom of their parents before getting involved seriously in any relationship. they have only your best interest at heart and have more years accumulated and experiences to draw upon for making such decisions. Generally speaking I would agree that the youngster who defies his parents wishes and instructions is not a very grateful child...though, there are always exceptions to the rule and some parents are not fit to give such guidance. I wonder why so many churches have given up the practice of posting the BANS at the entrance to the chapel... what a handy device that was!
@youless (91498)
• Guangzhou, China
31 Mar 08
If I think he is the right man for me and he is a nice person. And my parents are wrong to object our relationship. Then he deserves me to go against my parents. Although our parents have much more experience than us, but it doesn't mean they are right all the time. Sometimes we have to fight for our love. If you think it is worth for you to do so.
• United States
31 Mar 08
I am from the states and I believe as long as they both love each other it should not make a diiference.I have a friend who is living with a black guy and they both seem to love each other you know I use to think that if you get married out side your race and have children that I would feel sorry for the child so I was against it but as I look around in the world today it really does not matter what race or what country you are from you either love them or you don't there are more mixed relatioships now then there use to be.as long as there is love in a relationship that is all that matters your friends and family can either give you their best or stay out of it I am sorry that I use to feel that way and God forgive me for it
@dawnald (84147)
• Shingle Springs, California
31 Mar 08
That's a hard position to be in and thank goodness my parents were very accepting people, but yes I would go against my parents if they were opposed to the person I wanted to be with!