How long is too long to wait for your boyfriend to 'pop the question'?
By misty_fawn
@misty_fawn (2)
United States
April 2, 2008 11:48am CST
On a second marriage, how long is too long to wait for him to 'pop the question'? I have been dating a man for 3 years this June. We have lived together since the end of last summer. We did not 'move in together'. He was sharing a house with his son and another guy. His son (who is almost 20) moved to AR and then the friend skipped out on the lease. He was going to handle the house alone but the landlord was upset at the events so asked him to leave. He came to stay with me. He has 2 children; Samantha who just turned 15 and Dustin who will be 20 in Aug. Samantha lives with her mom in AR. I have 6 children; Kara-18 and on her own, Andrew-16 who is off to job corp soon, Benjamin-who is 14 and lives with me, April who is 13 and lives with me, David who is 11 and lives with me, and Caleb who is 6 and lives with me. We love each other but wonder how long is too long to wait? When you love someone aren't you supposed to wait? Is it right to move on just because they are afraid of marriage? I do not feel right living together without marriage, but how do you go backwards in a relationship? How do you say goodbye o someone for just that reason? Should you wait and wait and wait until 20 years have passed and you are still just boyfriend and girlfriend? I am so new (per say) to this. Was married for 17 years and then divorced for a year when I met Rick. Would love some feedback with this...
1 response
@whywiki (6066)
• Canada
2 Apr 08
I've been living with my guy for 16 years and am still waiting. He has been married before so he just can't be bothered to do it again. I can't be bothered to get around to it either. It just seems like such a hassle for a piece of paper. He has said he would marry me if I set it all up but it really is just a piece of paper so maybe some day I will get around to it. I really don't think marriage is important at all as long as there is love between the two who cares if they are married or not?
@misty_fawn (2)
• United States
2 Apr 08
I guess it matters because I want that level of commitment that comes with marriage. There is a whole new level to your commitment when he asks you to marry him, to be the one he wants to to look at every morning for the rest of his life, to say I want to pledge with this piece of paper my life to you, I want you to carry my name and be a part of me.
I think living together signifies that they love each other but not enough to change their name or want the other to carry their name, not enough to blend their accounts, not enough to be bound to each other legally, they always want that easy back door. If they want to leave after they are married, they would have to go through a huge hassle to get divorced. The mind set is not on a future together but instead on a future that might be without each other...
I want the ring, the paper, the dedication: It is an old belief that the vein in the third finger leads directly to the heart. The ring symbolizes two halves joining as one. The hole in the center symbolizes the gateway into the unknown (future). The indestructible nature of a diamond signifies the indestructible bond of your marriage.
That is what being married means to me, and by not being married then I feel that those bonds, those desires, those promises of the future, have no solid ground to stand on. It is like living together is momentary where marriage is solid.
