April 8, 2008 4:36pm CST
I can't find a way to comfortably in my own skin when this isn't the skin I used to be in. Well I mean my skins the same but so much has changed that I just can't find a way to be comfortable being the way that I am. I can't really figure out how to explain without sounding like I'm whining at the same time. Then again I did start this out with saying that I'm not comfortable in my own skin. Two years ago I could walk, I rode horses, I played with my grandchildren, I did my own grocery shopping, I cooked my own meals, I cleaned my own house, I could drive a car, I could walk. I think you've got the idea, two years ago I could walk -- today I can't. Three years ago I came down with CIDP, that means that my immune system is eating my nervous system. Means I have no balance and very little feeling in my hands and feet and I also have drop foot. I went from walking to breaking my hip and then being in the hospital because I could not walk at all after my hip had healed. Next, I was in the hospital getting treatments that gave me back some of my strength. Now I'm on medication that puts my immune system to sleep, sort of like hibernation, so that my nerves can heal. Now I'm being told I'm probably as good as I'm going to get. I don't believe it and I definitely do not accept that I will not walk again on my own. I get around now with a wheelchair and a walker. This is my skin now and I'm not comfortable in. I don't know how to except my life the way it is. I'm not angry at anyone, especially not God. And though I have watched my friends all desert me because they didn't know how to except me the way I am. Maybe if I could've been a little more needy. But that's another topic, maybe for another time when I really feel like whining. For the most part I'm happy and I have a wonderful husband who supports me and helps me without enabling me. When I was really sick he took really good care of me. And now that I'm getting better he wants me to do more for myself. Most times I'm okay with this but sometimes I just want more help.(Another topic) So if your skin, that you're in, is not the same as it was just a short time ago, (and maybe not even to this extent because I realize that you can see the skin that I am in, where there are others who are in skin you can't see that anything is wrong) how do you deal with the new skin you're in?
• United States
20 Apr 08
I am sorry for all that has happened to you. All I can really say that is good from what you've written is your husband seems to be a very loving, caring and descent man. I have not experienced anything to make me feel not comfortable in my own skin lately, but I used to. I am Vietnamese. When we first came to this country, my parents did all they could to keep us appreciating our culture and heritage. My siblings and I beg to differ and we became "Americanized." As we got older, all of us realized how correct my mom and dad were. For years, I hung out with only Vietnamese friends and only dated Vietnamese men. Then one day, I am sure that was all it took, I met my future husband. We started hanging out, but I just didn't feel right hanging out with any other race. I don't know if you consider what I am telling you about my situation as being out of my skin, but I really felt misplaced. When I hung out with his friends, I felt like they were thinking what I was thinking. I am glad I finally accepted it since we love each other dearly and have 2 wonderful kids. If you do not get any better, I hope you feel better and I have mentioned it before, it sounds like you have a great husband .