Losing Faith :(
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
April 9, 2008 8:35am CST
So life has been a little hard lately. I've been seriously betrayed by someone who's turned out to be rather a dreadful person.
The thing is this: I always (and naively it seems) assumed that most people reach a certain age and grow out of pettiness, spite and backstabbing. I thought that you reach a certain point of maturity and you don't have to deal with this rubbish from other people so much any more.
However, I was at my women's writing group the other week and I overheard a woman in her sixties telling people how she'd just found out about someone spreading rumours behind her back to their friends and another woman told about how someone had said something really spiteful and humiliating in front of a group of people.
I have to say I was really disconcerted. Is there never a point where you can grow beyond this school yard nonsense?
I keep finding friends over and over again that betray and hurt me. I suppose I'm not a good judge of who to confide in and so I now find it really hard to trust anyone at all. It makes me so sad to think that I'll have to go through my whole life being guarded and closed off because there are too many immature and hurtful people out there.
Has anyone got any insight on this situation? I hope I've expressed it clearly. 
1 person likes this
8 responses
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
10 Apr 08
Hello there Phaedra, I think I know where you are heading to with this discussion. And I know that you are probably a bit stressed and depressed about the things that had happened in your life. But please, do not let these bad people pull you down. I know that it hurts bad especially when you are also surrounded by the incest that people pull to hurt others. (like the one you mentioned on the elderly lady).
But the best advice that I could give and I'm a strict follower to it is for me to just treat the bad words, the backstabbing scenes as just "words cannot hurt nor kill me, only bricks and stones". So, there you go. Just take a tongue-in-cheek approach to all these comments and when you spirits get really down by all these nonsenses, just remember that life is a cycle and like a tire. It is round and goes in circles and definitely what goes up must come down, and the down will come back up.
Cheer up, and be focused in your own ambitions. Do not worry too much about others, because they will always have something to say whenever and wherever. ;)
1 person likes this
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
11 Apr 08
The problem with the person that's upset me recently is that she's still my housemate until the end of June. I have to try and find a way to live with her until then and that's really depressing!
I can only hope that she learns her lesson one day soon.
Thanks for your support. 
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
11 Apr 08
WOW, end of June sounds a bit still long there for me, LOL. You are very much welcome. What I can suggest is that you try to keep yourself as "busy" as possible and try to distance yourself away from her. I think that'll do and you will see time ticking away and it will be the time for her to GO, hah!
1 person likes this
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
15 Apr 08
Thanks. I guess everyone has to go through this at some point in their life, unless they're very, very lucky!
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
11 Apr 08
I don't know what to say or what words of advice to give.
There are plenty of pretenders out there and no matter how hard we try, we may end up befriending them (or going further than that). Some people remain in a perpetual state of immaturity. Others are so selfcentered they'll invent, devise, betray and repeat all for their own benefit (typically for entertainment sick as is sounds).
On the other hand Phae, don't give up completely on people and friends. While we all maybe walls of text with floating avatars, there are still people on the other end, and they care enough to help you here. Even if things are wrong you can still reach out. And if the people here have done something wrong voice it, people may learn something and everyone will be better friends. In a more ideal world the same could be done for friends and groups in real life. I still say you should be careful with friends, watch your reputation, watch out for rumors (some could be true but many are just falsehoods and you have to be ready to counter them) and above all, don't give up on others.
1 person likes this
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
15 Apr 08
Thanks. It's nice to have MyLot as an outlet when I feel really trapped by my situation. It's naive, but I keep wanting human beings to be better people and I'm tired of being disappointed. I need to focus on the flowers amongst the weeds! Otherwise I'm going to end up being a lonely, crazy, cat-lady!
@nataliemurie (96)
•
9 Apr 08
There are people who just never grow out of this back stabbing. They just can't help themselves. Here's an example:
My friend has just found out she's pregnant, she's only 16. Me & my friends are between 15 - 17. Another girl has been saying alot of things about her. She told her boyfriend that she had slept with someone else, which was a lie. She also said to alot of people, when she found out my friend was pregnant, that she didn't believe her & that she was lying & doing it for attetion. She even said that she knew she had her periods 3 or 4 days before, so she must be lying. This girl is 18. You would think she wouldn't be hanging around with 15-17 year olds. If I was 18 I'd be going to the dancing with people my own age. She also runs about & tries to start fights, for no reason. About a month ago she was fighting with a 13 year old!! I really hate her for saying bad things about my best friend & she's just evil.
It just goes to show that some people are just immature idiots! & they'll probably never grow up.
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
9 Apr 08
Sounds like a very silly girl. Stay clear of her!
She's probably very insecure and lonely. Unfortunately she's reacting to these emotions in a way that's never going to improve her situation and in fact will only make it worse as no one will have any respect for her.
@leeapollo (611)
• China
10 Apr 08
hi phaedra_scythe !I can see you points and I have almost the same feelings with you.
I really upset for a few day for my friend betrayed me ,although it was not big problem.His my best friend and lie to me ,he even talk bad words with a friend of ours.I feel so bad that I can not do my work smoothly. he hurts me but with no apologize,that made me really angery.although I forgive him ,I didn't feel comfortable when we met each other. I also have the idea do not to trust anybody but I find I was wrong and just keep on and let it go.but there is ont point ,you should not put your whole heart to other people.
In knowing some people you know his or her face but not his or her heart ;In drawing a tiger ,you draw its skin but not its bones.so that is my opinion.what do you think so? hope you life can be better in the future.Good luck.
1 person likes this
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
11 Apr 08
It's really hard to forgive sometimes. Well done for being strong enough.
I loved your drawing a tiger analogy.
@Stubbornpunkk (52)
• India
10 Apr 08
hey gurly dnt lose yur faith i've been through same 4 months ago..my so called first best friend who turned my bf..n betrayed me n n ow i knw he was b*stard who used me..only i knw how i gave my examz...
so now i am fyn
but i still cry
still i would like to let u know that losing faith is not the way
dont trust any one you get in way
just giv everyone time
a realtion of anytime sure do needs time...
and dont go on face or what thy say boys hav got lot of sh*t words tro impress a gurl...words alws seem perfect but who know they are from heart
1 person likes this
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
11 Apr 08
It's odd but I've definitely had more problems with girls betraying me than boys. I find it nearly impossible to trust anyone now. I think the only person I trust is my partner, and that makes me very sad.
@jayalaksmi (1039)
• India
3 May 08
There are a lot of people who behave in a ruddish manner and also many people who always betrays. But it doesn't mean that there are not any good persons who are really worth to be friends. You just need to sense who the people you are mixing is. You can easily know about someone just by spending time with him/her and know about their behaviour. Be a person who can judge persons. Try to learn some course on the personality type which can help you know persons.
@graceandowen (1637)
•
9 Apr 08
Hiya hun
unfortunalty i have come to the conclusion that some people never grow up and will be nasty and spitefull all their lifes, I now think that they must have pretty sad lifes if all they have to do is think and comment about other peoples misfortunes.
dont let it get to you, rise above it and ignore them, they'll hate that even more when you refuse to join in.
1 person likes this
@Phaedra_Scythe (3325)
•
9 Apr 08
Heh. You've just reminded me of one of my favourite Oscar Wilde quotes: "Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
Thanks for the kind words. I'm just feeling a little lonely and wondering if I'll ever manage to find a lasting friendship. It always seems to come out of nowhere and take me by surprise when a person I'd thought was lovely turns out to be a snake in the grass.
It's so pointless. Why can't people rise above all the petty junk?!
