Daughter to Mom...

Hi there jdeforge! I think that we can't be strong all the time. There are times that we are weak, and that we need someone to lean on. And I believe that you can't go wrong with your mother. Sometimes, it's easier when the person you are crying to about something can also relate to how you feel. Maybe after years of protecting your mom, it's her turn to be there for you now. I'm sorry to hear about your father.

I can understand that too believe it or not. I made it a point to not cry or show weakness to my parents... even before becoming a teenager. I was always afraid I'd strain them. The sad part is, parents are there for you to lean on in times of weakness. Its better if you both express your pains together rather than close yourself inward. Yes, parents get upset when their own children are upset, but they also understand and sympathize when their children are hurt. Many parents are also skilled at picking up when their children are troubled (be it minor or major...). It all comes with the job. Parents are there to nurture, protect and help their children, during the terrible times most of all. And you are not being selfish at all for giving in to your feelings and sharing them with her, even in this situation. JD, you have a right to express your hurt and pain, but you also have a right to choose how to do it and towards whom. Again, I'll say that you should spend your time with your mother about this as both of you still have pains over the whole thing. Its natural, but in your case you have to break down the barrier and dissolve your own emotional restraints. You have to look and see your mother as a mother and parent, instead of a mother as something not to be burdened. Thinking about it, this reminds me of one of your dreams you shared earlier. You were talking with and then crying with your dad. Its possible your dream and subconcious were simply trying to solve this problem (along with the base desire to see lost loved ones again). Also think of it this way. You have your mother now and I know you want to protect her now that she's the only one left, but she is still your mother and she'll want to protect you too. Both of you also have to consider time as an issue. Take the time and do what you can with your mother while its still possible. And finally, I bet your mother understands your pain and reactions as she is going through some of her own so that could also help you dispel your protection habit.

You know it doesn't matter how old a mother gets she likes to think of herself as useful, protective of her children, to her you are still her child, I think it would be more like bringing the mother out in her and maybe make her feel like she is needed again, and it shows her how much her husband was loved by her child, upsetting yes but bringing you close in grief....

You mom is you mom. Sometimes a kid needs a mom to cry to, no matter what age. Moms are there to comfort us. Maybe you both needed this release.