Making good choices

United States
May 2, 2008 1:59am CST
A few years ago I made some horrible choices. I do not have any excuses I just did it. The man I was in love with and still am in love with was an alcoholic and a drug user. I cannot explain why thought I had to do what ever I did at the time. I guess I wanted him to stay with me. If he was drinking I was drinking. If he brought something else for us to use then I tried it. I remember for a whole weekend I was high. I was writing a term paper and I finished it but never looked it over before turning it in. WOW dumb. I wrote 5 pages of nothing. My teacher asked me what I was rambling about. I thought oh my god what I am I thinking. But then the following weekend he would bring over something and ask me to have some. I would say no, but then I would give in, so I would be a part of what he was doing, feel what he was feeling. I was scared though at the same time because my mom was a hardcore alcoholic and extremely abusive. I had my kids who were not there when this happened. They were with there dad. I knew it was wrong, but was so fearful of not being cool like the other women in his life. I had seen the other women, he had been with a few of them and I knew I should let him go. But how do you walk away from who you love. One day I told him enough is enough. I never used it again...I still have a drink every three or four months or farther apart. But I do not drink at home and I do not have more than 3. He stayed a junkie for about 3 years total until he went to jail. Jail sobered him and he is free and clear and great.....It was a lesson learned....Drugs are hard to walk away from......Stand by the person you love, but do it from a distance if necessary so they can get clean. All my prayers and support to those of you out there still fighting..
1 person likes this
3 responses
@Adelida2233 (1008)
• United States
2 May 08
First of all, I congratulate you on getting out of the vicious cycle of substance abuse. Having a drink every now and then is okay, as long as you know your limits are are able to control it. Being controlled by verbal and substance abuse are hard to overcome by themselves, much less the combination of both. Staying a good example for your kids is one of the best things you can do. Loving someone makes it very difficult to walk away from a situation, even if you know it is bad for you(and your children). Congratulations again, and keep with it!
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
2 May 08
I am very happy that you bf was able to sober up in his time at jail. It is a very heard thing to go through, although I must admit I can only imagine. Lessons are learned many different ways, some people must experience them first. A lot of people do not condone this way of learning, but it is only necessary for growth. I am glad that you have learned from this experience and have come out mostly unscathed.
@anex08 (868)
• Philippines
2 May 08
we always have choices because we are free, no one is dictating us to do something we don't like unless we are being held or captured. Life is a matter of choices, decision and acceptance. We have a choice to do what we wanted to do, a decision weather to give in to those wants or not and accepting the causes, mistakes we have made and the hurt it gives us. as we continue growing old, let our mistakes, bad choices and negative actions teach us to be better and not to do the same mistake again. " Instill within my heart oh lord, a deep desire to know your word, I want to learn to hear your voice, and always make your will my choice"