Love or Commitment

Philippines
May 14, 2008 8:45am CST
Should I stay in a relationship that has no romance anymore but the commitment is still there? I have been dreading the time that my boyfriend would leave me because he has changed towards me when it comes to romance. We have a daughter now, have had so many fights, have said so many things that hurt us both, but he never leaves. Should I stay with him even if there's no romance on his part anymore? I always dread that after a big fight and a lot of hurtful words he would leave, but he doesn't. He has never tried, after all that we've been through. I love him so much. Is this relationship worth fighting for?
1 person likes this
9 responses
@maquisa (316)
• Philippines
15 May 08
that's really hard,but if your just in a relationship because you had a child then you must talk to each other and think about your child...im not in your place but i have a frend whose trying to fix everything and give themselves another chance and with talks and uderstanding it works and now they are happy with their child now a seven years old beautiful girl...
• Philippines
15 May 08
I hope we'll be able to fix things, I pray to God about it.
@shaneika (31)
• Philippines
15 May 08
its worth fighting for... just find a way to bring back the romance, think of your first time you do it with your husband where and how romantic that was.. reminding old days.. hehehe.. that will surely bring back the romance, old habits can never be forgotten..hehehe... good luck..
• Philippines
15 May 08
Thanks. I'm keeping the faith.
@meiteoh (421)
• Switzerland
15 May 08
Is there still love or it is just the romance/spark that is missing? Passion and romance often fades over time in long term relationships and people, especially women, can make the mistake of thinking that their partner no longer loves us. Blame it on the media and other stereotypical sources of influence. Hollywood churns out this huge romance machine that tells women that if your partner doesn't make an effort to keep the spark alive by sending you gifts, surprising you and so forth, he no longer loves you. To a man, love needs no overtures of music, gifts or poems. A lot of men see love and commitment as things that go hand in hand. If the guy doesn't love you, he would have left a long time ago - with or without a daughter. After all, there is such a thing as custody visits and such. The fact that he still stays after all this while is a sign that he knows something is worth salvaging. So unless he has come out and said "I don't love you and I'm staying for my daugther", you still have a fighting chance. There is a Chinese saying about marriage - "After many years of being together, even if you don't love each other, there is still some affection towards one another" Perhaps you could sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him - don't blame or point fingers, just share your fears, worries and concerns about where this relationship is heading. A lot of women start saying words that implies that the man is at fault while in actual fact, both parties are equally at fault. Passion and romance is something you build together in a relationship - if he doesn't take the effort, then why can't you? Anyway, don't ever give up - sometimes what you think you know to be true may turn out to be the exact opposite. *hugs*
• Philippines
15 May 08
Thank you very much. I try not to give up, even though there are times he says so many discouraging things when we fight. We say a lot of hurtful things when we're angry. When he was angry one time he told me he's only there for his daughter, so I tried to confront him about letting each other go but he bagged down and didn't want to talk about it. Thanks for the advice.. I'd really like to keep my family together no matter what. Eventhough we're not yet married.
@KrauseHome (35025)
• United States
15 May 08
If you Love the man, and he Loves you, then why should you want anything to change? Maybe he is scared of committment, or not sure how to let you know he is Sorry. And since you have a child together, it could be in your best interest to always want to try and keep things working out. But if you have any doubts or fears about your Relationship, and where it might be headed, the best thing to do, is confront your boyfriend, and ask him how he feels, and then go from there. That should help to aleviate any fears you might have as well.
• Philippines
15 May 08
Thank you very much. I'd really like to fight for our family. Even though we're not yet married. He has always been sweet and romantic towards me, but since we had a child he has changed. He's not sweet anymore, although he takes care of me. The one change that I like is that he is very close now to my family. He doesn't want to disappoint them in any way. And his family has made me feel more that I am part of them. They make me feel their support and love, especially they know that their son is in this kind of disposition.
@fatboy4 (39)
• New Zealand
15 May 08
yer we lose our way in relationships for a while and forget about love and romance. you should stay be cause hes still there,with the pressure of feeding a family and stresses of life we put ourselves last and forget to pay that special treatment to each other, he needs to know that hes still loved without having to perform*a cuddle when he comes home instead of an argument goes a long way and a nice long cuddle in bed lets him relax and feel good.with children life does change drasticly but with communication you can start to rekindle a bit of what you two have lost.
• Philippines
15 May 08
Yes i agree with you, having a child changed him drastically. It was unplanned, but our child is the most wonderful blessing. When i was pregnant he used to think about the child on an angry and negative note, but now that she's come out he adores her and is all the world to him. But I know he's still taken aback by everything.
@dante666 (18)
• United States
14 May 08
if you love him and have a daughter then i believe it definatley is worth fighting for. once you have a child you have to think about teh example your setiing for your child if it is that much of a problem go to counseling for couples but if you love him and have a child then it is definatley worth fighting for and he doesnt leave you because im certain he loves you to
• Philippines
15 May 08
Yes, the child really deserves to have a family that is whole, that's one of the big reasons why I'm fighting for this.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
15 May 08
it depends on how far you can afford to stay here. if the commitment is what only matters, then stay on. if not, then look out for other avenues. may be romance can be brought back. that will be great with all committments.
• Philippines
15 May 08
Have you ask your man about that? If not, then maybe you should ask him first. I know what you're feeling 'cause ive been through that before. I just took it for granted hoping that things would just go right. He never left me but there's no sweetness and romance anymore everytime we meet. After we broke up, that's the time where i realized everything. I thought he never left me 'cause he loves me but i was wrong, he just pitied me. Now before things go wrong, you should talk on your boyfriend on such matter. You say everything you wanted to say and im sure he'll listen to you. Whatever he say, just accept it and try to adjust. I know it's quite hard for you and i guess for me too. But that's the only think i could advice to you. It's ok if you'll not try. Cheer up buddy!:p
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
15 May 08
Your emotional felt overwhelmed. A marriage life is full of wax and wane condition in the earlier years, those successful marriage above 20 years yet had the same problem with this. But they both eagerly to continue and struggle no matter how rough the path is. Because they know, no matter how many engagement they had, they will face the same dilemma. That's why those who is after for several marriages, they called their opposite gender is all the same and ended up to live alone. But they do sometimes missed the sweet from past in their heart. Relationship was built for thousand years, but ends up in a brief moment. Appreciate your hard-work of building the relationship's building. Don't let one tiny dirt destroy whole of your design. We have bad occasion not only in marriage, but also in works, relatives, God, social interaction, and many more. Don't give up. Try to find out why you both are always falling in different of opinions. There will be always a solution for the problem, we may start to look on ourself, then make a good approach to others. When the soft-way was dealt in problem, your partner would be more likely appreciate and opened to your approaching. Try to not always bring any problem into quarrels, there are many routes to Rome. Maybe he's just tired when you wanted to be listened. There will be always a right time for the solution.