I'm having trouble reconciling Christian ideology and the acts of Christians

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Lately I've been reading a lot of posts about religion and was involved in a particularly nasty discussion concerning gay marriage. And it's stirred up a lot of feelings inside me that I don't know what to do with. I was raised in a Christian household. We went to church every Sunday when we were kids. I wasn't baptized, but I was dedicated to the church in a small ceremony. I went to Sunday school. But over the years as I grew older, things started to make less and less sense to me. I would go to Church on Sunday and everyone would be all pleasant while in the church, but on Monday those same people would stab you in the back. And I started reading about what religion has done to people over the last several centuries and it became difficult to reconcile ideology with action. In my childhood, I was taught that Jesus was love, God was love. "Jesus loves me because the bible tells me so." But historically, and currently, Christianity isn't about love. The Crusades, the Inquisition, the executions for heresy, or in Galileo's instance, house arrest for the rest of his life because he believed the earth revolved around the sun and not the other way around, the corruption, the infighting between its own denominations (Protestants vs Catholics), forced conversions of pagans and Indians, the church looking the other way while its priests raped boys, the overreaching of the church into politics in order to benefit the church and give itself more power, kings believing they ruled by divine right, the witch trials and burnings that killed nearly 100,000 women in Protestant countries across Europe, missionaries giving bibles and refusing to give aid unless those in need of aid convert, a president who believes God personally speaks with him and directs him as to how to lead the country and therefore has no use for facts or rationality...I could go on. So many have died or been imprisoned in the name of God. So many have been abused. And even now there are those who would spread a message of hate rather than love. As I wrote above, I was involved in a discussion about gay marriage and those who were quoting scripture at me were saying that gays are abominations who must change or burn in hell. And it always galls me that there are Christians who do plenty of their own sinning and ignore commandments and lie and cheat on their spouses, covet what their neighbors have, are guilty of pride, greed, and sloth, think about killing gays and abortionists and non-believers, who treat their own parents badly, and indeed treat their fellow man badly, but have the nerve to stand up and point fingers of accusation at others. I've always believed that the bible was a personal guidebook of sorts--not necessarily a factual book of history (let's face it-what are the chances of talking snakes, women being created from ribs, talking bushes, virgins getting knocked up by celestial beings and people walking on water that isn't frozen and the entire world being drowned except for two of every animal on a boat that must have been forty times the size of the Titanic) but more of a compilation of mythologies or allegories that demonstrate through story how we should live our lives. There are a number of lessons to be learned that involve not being judgmental, practicing what you preach, being true to yourself and to love each other and work toward peace. But the bible has become a doctrine of hate and a tool with which we wield our hatred. By quoting certain passages of scripture, we can interpret the bible however we like and feel justified in our hatred because "the bible says so." I've seen people quote passages of the bible to demonstrate why one action is evil, while completely ignoring other passages that they feel either don't suit them or shouldn't apply. I feel that by cherry-picking which passages are relevant and which ones aren't, one is basically nullifying any validity the bible might have. And the message being spread by Christians is largely one of intolerance. You have evangelists like Jerry Falwell (now deceased) and Pat Robertson spewing hatred and condemnation and bigotry. Some Christians on MyLot are spreading these messages as well. And I don't understand it. I don't know where the love is, or what happened to make it this way. Jesus' message was of peace. His message was of working toward a common goal for the betterment of us all. His message was one of "judge not, lest ye be judged" and not to cast stones. I believe God iHe forgives our flaws. He forgives our f*ck ups. He realizes we are not perfect and that we do the best we can. I don't believe in hell. I believe God creates each and every one of us unique, and that makes each and every one of us special. I don't believe that God is condemning or wrathful. He isn't some boogeyman who creates the trap of giving free will and then condemning us when we don't do what he says. I picture him as a metaphorical cradle, holding each of us in his arms, not a vengeful god pointing a cold finger of accusation. I think that he is appalled at his message being contorted and twisted into what it's not meant to be. And I'm actually in tears as I write this, because to see the way the world is, and to see all of this hatred just hurts my heart. Maybe it's just PMS or something. I'm not usually emotional about religion or God or any of this. Today I am. Today I'm looking at the world around me and just full of anguish. I can't wrap my head around this. And of course I know that not all Christians are this way. But I've met enough of them, online and in person, and seen the hate and the fear and the self-righteousness to know that there is an overwhelming majority. So help me understand this. If there's anyone reading this who is having trouble understanding it too, I ask that you read and reply to anyone who tries to help me figure this out. Maybe together we can come to some sort of ...if not resolution, then at least better understanding of where we're all coming from.