Upset wives and cold dinners

Philippines
May 20, 2008 3:00am CST
How many of us here have done this?Please raise your hand!I guess, I have to raise mine. I am guilty of doing this to my husband once upon a time. Whenever we had an argument that wasn't resolved for that day, I end up resenting him. And I get my "little revenge" by not bothering to give him his warm dinner. Sometimes it went to a point that it extended to a cold breakfast and lunch the next day. But my "little revenge" backfired on me. When I learned that my husband didn't even bother to eat his dinner except for a peanut butter sandwich. That was when I realize that it's a bit immature of me to do it. And my greatest enemy was my conscience. I knew there and then, that no matter how angry I get with him, I still care about whether he goes to bed with a satisfied stomach. So, that's my side of the story. What's yours? And this also applies to the men. Have you experienced this and what are your feelings about it?
3 people like this
9 responses
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
20 May 08
Hi there my friend, I'm glad you made another post so I can share freely what I feel about your topic.. First off, am not married and obviously a guy. As you already know, I'm the one who cooks for the family. I never had done anything like that nor got upset of such, because I know that there's food even if I come home late. Not sure, but maybe it's because I never expect any assistance from anybody in our house. I always do what I feel has to be done, independently. In short, I would still anything that is served on me. Be it cold, as long as it is still cooked food. There are also times where I come home so tired and/or sometimes drunk, that I never bothered to eat because I already yearn for the comfort of my bed.
• Philippines
20 May 08
Hi raijin. Long time, no hear!Your future wife will be so lucky. Usually, it's the women who does the cooking and the men waits for his food. But like you, I have a brother-in-law who knows how to cook, too. He shares the responsibility of preparing the food when it's his day-off. And his cooking is just wonderful. Well, my husband knows the basics. He fries eggs, he fries fish, and he fries chickens. Oh, did I mention that he will fry everything there is to fry!So, obviously, it's up to me to cook a more decent meal. I'm not a great cook, actually. I can't line up myself with Rachel Ray or Bobby Flay. But I do know a lot more than just frying everything. You're like my husband when it comes to cold food. Sometimes when he's already very hungry and I need to re-heat the food, he won't wait anymore. He'll eat it cold and that's fine with him. And you're the same, too when it comes to choosing the bed or the food. Like you, when he's very tired from work, all he wants to do is to lie down and immediately go to sleep. Even when there's a warm, good food waiting for him.
1 person likes this
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
20 May 08
I wish I was like them (Rahel Ray or Bobby Flay), but I only cook what I know and what I can. I think the only difference is, your hubby has someone to do things easier for him. He's lucky and so you are, in some ways or another..
• Philippines
21 May 08
You may never know, raijin. My youngest sister, before she got married can't even fry a decent egg. But when she met her husband and he's a little hard to please when it comes to food, she taught herself and now, she's a very good cook. Life has many surprises. Maybe someday when I watch the Food Network Channel, I'll see you there, having your food demo show. But I admire guys like you. Who knows how to cook and doesn't depend on anyone to feed them. I've noticed my almost 5 year old son is always curious when I'm cooking. He even tries to get the spatula so he can do the mixing. But I only let him come near when I'm not frying anything. Is this a sure sign that he'll grow up, knows how to cook?
1 person likes this
@Jemina (5783)
20 May 08
I'm smiling while reading your post. I happen to be in the same boat with you sometimes. I find it hard to communicate my real feelings, wants, and desires. I somehow expect that my partner will sense what I feel and read my mind. But it's just wrong. Men and women are wired differently.
• Philippines
20 May 08
Are you married?My husband is the one who has a little difficulty trying to convey his true feelings. And sometimes I wish I have the magical powers to pinpoint what he really feels. And sometimes he tells me that I'm too passionate for my own good!
@Jemina (5783)
20 May 08
I'm not yet married but soon. Anyway, my psychologist friend explained the physiological effect between a man and woman. When one is positive, the other is negative. I think this is true with most relationships.
• Philippines
20 May 08
I'm happy for you.. and goodluck, too. I just have to say that marriage will give you lots of surprises. The good and the bad. Your friend is right. My husband and I are exact opposites. I'm always the optimist and the one who smiles a lot. Well, before we got married. Now, I still have lots of reason to smile and laugh, and lots of reason to frown upon. But as they say, opposites attract. And the chemistry is just great!
@ayessa (1586)
• Philippines
21 May 08
First, I think I know you from the looks of your avatar. As to your discussion, I sometimes do what you were doing to your husband. It's really annoying to be nice and eat with your husband when you have unresolved issues with him. Honestly I seldom cook dinner since we are both working and comes home almost at the same time. So what I do if I have unresolved issues with him and it's dinner time I always makes an excuse to him and not take any dinner. ASide from that I reject talking to him or even not consider him around. JUst like as if he's just a piece of furniture inside the house. LOL I know that was wrong but I really can't control myself when Im mad at him. And Im the type of person who really had a hard time to voice out what I feel. I even cried silently if this happens to us. But luckily none of our misunderstanding last for 48 hours. I just got lucky of getting a very nice husband taht he does not want to rest until we said sorry to one another.
• Philippines
21 May 08
Hello kabayan.Hmmm...I checked your profile and where you come from. Are you one of my former classmates?Or you're thinking I belong to one specific social site? The last part of your comment was so sweet, ayessa. Well, your husband is the exact opposite of my husband when it comes to saying the words, "I'm sorry". Usually when we have our arguments, we try to avoid each other's paths inside the house. A silent war starts until the next day and sometimes it stretches to a couple of days more. Then after those silent war days, it's as if nothing has happened. He starts talking to me. Oh, and that is his way of saying he's sorry and he surrenders! I understand the part of trying to eat with your "enemy" just right in front of you at the dinner table. Makes it hard to swallow. hehehe. But as you have mentioned, your arguments doesn't last that so long that it may create more problems, resentment and hostility in the end.
1 person likes this
@ayessa (1586)
• Philippines
22 May 08
Do you belong to any social site in our country? Coz I do and I saw the same avatar that you are using at that site. I remember during the seminar on marriage counselling it was said that any arguments or misunderstanding between couples should be resolved within that say or before the day it about to end. We've been practicing that but it is really hard specially if you are not satisfied with the explanation or the apology that your husband said.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 May 08
Oops, sorry that's not me. The only social site I joined was owned by Margie Holmes. hehehe. And the avatar I used was the lead actress in the movie "Memoirs of a Geisha". I just found out yesterday, that there's another member who's also using the exact animated avatar that I'm using. -Sighing- My husband had a little counseling in our church before we got married. And it was also advised that any arguments should be seated right before the couple close their eyes and go to sleep at night. Hey, we did that as long as we could. But you're absolutely right. There are just some arguments that can't be resolved in one day. It needs some time.
@williamjisir (22903)
• China
20 May 08
Hello dear jcj. I can understand you when I read this post of yours because it used to be the same with my wife if we had something unpleasant happen between us. So you are not alone there. But I will not let my stomach go hungry and I will try to cheer her up by saying something nice to make her happy again and admit that it is my fault even if it is not. hehe.Thank you for sharing with us. Take care and good luck.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 May 08
Hello william. Nice to hear from you again.That's so sweet of you. I bet that when you try to make your wife smile again, the next meal you're going to get will be extra special.
1 person likes this
• China
21 May 08
Thank you so much for your nice comment.
1 person likes this
• China
6 Jun 08
Thank You So Much, jcj - I appreciate the best response offered to me as always. Take care and enjoy mylotting.
Thank you a great deal for the best response, my dear jcj friend.
1 person likes this
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
21 May 08
Well, not really, I guess it's because we sort of share cooking chores. There was an incident that I remember when my wife and I were first going out, we'd had an argument about something, and I guess we didn't really clear it up. A little later, I made us a cup of coffee, and as she used to add so much milk to hers, I hardly put any in. She drank it without comment, and later, after we were talking again, she told me it was a bit mean making her a coffee with little milk and no sugar! LOL, I wasn't intending the no sugar part, but I have to say it was pretty funny to both of us after.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 May 08
I do envy couples who makes it a point in sharing household responsibilities. And that includes the cooking part. You know, muscare, I admire your wife for drinking that coffee without blinking an eye!For coffee drinkers like us, who likes their coffee with milk and sugar, I bet it was an extra challenge for her to drink it up without making any reaction. And when all things have been said and carefully explained, the good part comes in. That is being able to laugh about what happened.
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
25 May 08
I think it was definitely a challenge for my wife, and there I was, watching her smugly, not knowing she was enjoying her coffee even less than I'd intended her to, LOL! We still find it funny even now, after all those years.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
21 May 08
I always had dinner ready for him and most times warm if he ate he ate if he didnt he didnt that woul be his fault not mine or I had it ready
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 May 08
But when the two of you had some argument... and it's almost dinner time. Do you still even bother making his food warm or he can eat it cold?
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
22 May 08
that was not my cas he was never home when I fixed dinner but if it had of happened I surpose I wouldnt heat it up
1 person likes this
@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
22 May 08
I certainly did the same thing with my husband. However, since I love food, I was also punishing myself. But he just made so angry and mad that all i could think of was that he could starve for all I care. But like in your case, mine also backfired. Though I do the cooking 99% of the time, my husband is also a very good cook himself. The reason why I do the cooking 99% of the time was because my schedule permits me to do it. It may seem so petty and childish when I think of it now. But did make me feel good in deluding myself that he could starve without my cooking for awhile. LOL!
• Philippines
22 May 08
You still can cook, cd, and eat that. But to have your little revenge, you can put that wonderful dish you made and put it in a storage, transparent box and if it's possible, have it chained and locked!!!Hmmm.... I wonder how your husband will react when he sees that box on top of your dinner table?And not to mention, he's also very, very hungry.
@juliefaye (1214)
• Philippines
21 May 08
Oh wow! i can't raise my hand here as i have never done these before. I don't think men would allow themselves to eat cold dinner or to sleep hungry not unless they are already used to it. At least your conscience works for you and you manage to correct mistakes. Your husband must be proud of you that even if you're angry you still care for what he eats.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 May 08
My husband only goes to bed without any dinner when he's very tired from a 24-hour hospital duty. And his need for sleep overcomes his need for food. Sometimes I do ask him if he appreciates all that I do for him. And he tells me that he does. He just doesn't say it everyday. But he can see my efforts and that he's silently thankful. But you know what, there was a time that I was still angry at him but I knew that I can't let him go to bed hungry. So, I made his dinner but ohhh.... I wanted to put lots of pepper in it!!! And want to see his reaction as he eats it... But that's a nasty thing to do... So, I just imagine myself doing it!
@subha12 (18453)
• India
20 May 08
i have no story a ssuch. it seems that your husband just do nit catre to eat when you give him cold meal. may be its another way to ignore. try to invent some new ways.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 May 08
My husband does eat a cold meal when I've no time to warm it and he's already hungry. And he doesn't care if it's cold. As long as it fills up his stomach.