Has something bad ever happened to your child and then everyone blamed you?

United States
May 29, 2008 12:22pm CST
This morning, I was trying to tell a friend about a little incident that happened with my kid. My child got hold of the hair brush and was trying to comb her hair and it got tangled into her hair. It was a big mess. It's one of those round roll brushes, not the standard kind. Really soft bristles, so it's easy to get caught in the hair. Anyway, my friend totally jumped on me and blasted me with, "How long did it take you to realize your child was crying before you did something?" And, "How could you let that happen?" As if the whole thing was my fault. I helped my kid right away, as soon as I knew she needed my help. But I guess that wasn't fast enough for my friend's taste. She just assumes that I control everything that goes on in the universe and should have been able to predict that was going to happen. As if! I dislike people that blame others for things that are not their fault. People who don't have young kids, don't know what it's like. So they blame the parent. They have no problem passing judgement on parents. And, then one day, they become parents and make all the same mistakes. And, those are the same people that give themselves a free pass when bad stuff happens. But, don't let anything happen to anyone else's kid or they'll sit in judgement. But, my point is this. There are going to be things that happen to us and our family, that we have no control over. It's not our faults. We do our best to protect our kids and still they're going to get into situations. Like when you tell your kid to be careful playing outside and yet, they fall down on the grass and get a scrape on their knee. It happens. Noone's fault. Noone should go to jail over it. Just one of those things. Life is like that. Not every event is in our immediate control. Don't you think that's true? So, why is it assumed to be the mom's fault when something happens to the kid?
3 people like this
4 responses
@GardenGerty (90157)
• Marion, Kansas
29 May 08
I do not know why they would think it was your fault. Actually it is a learning experience for your kid. I think your friend was probably having a bad day. Unless of course she does this all the time. If that was the case I would consider how much of a friend she really is.
• United States
29 May 08
You have a really good point about that. I guess I never thought of that. I will look into that.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 08
Yes! When my daughter was 6, she visited a neighbor's home to play wiht the children there and their dog bit her in the face. I had to take her to the E.R. for stitches and the social services people were called on me! I was freaking out! The wound OBVIOUSLY came form a dog's teeth and i did NOT bite my child! But they were looking at me like I had done something to my daughter. Finally, they did go to the woamn's home and she admitted her dog had "nipped" my daughter's face and that she had just been there to play, so they let my daughter come home after 6 facial stitches. Needless to say, I never let her go over there again and they had no remorse. They seemed angry that they were forced to keep their dog inside , except to be walked, until 10 days later. BUt I was also FURIOUS wiht child protective services for accusing me of growing dog canine teeth and biting my kid!
2 people like this
• United States
29 May 08
I would have totally freaked. And, I'm sure you did. It's a shame that anyone would blame you for something that was not your fault. How ridiculoous that they would do such a thing. I had no idea! I'll bet you that the neighbor woman called child protective services on you as a pre-emptive strike! It happens all the time. Even though she knew that her dog was at fault, she wanted to make the first move. Someone probably told your neighbor that you have the legal right to sue her for an animal bite, even if the owner had nothing to do with the incident. Animal owners are required by law to control their animals and keep them away from children. Even if she told your child to stay away from the dog, it was her legal responsibility to put up the dog. It's never the child's fault. Ever! Kids are known to love dogs. That's just a fact of life. Your neighbor should have done the right thing and put the animal out of the way, where it couldn't hurt anyone. I'm sure your attorney could advise you better on it. My days as paralegal and legal studies are long past. It's been awhile since I read the dog bite laws. I hope your little one was not seriously hurt and I hope she is doing well now.
• Canada
29 May 08
i agree completely. i don't have any kids of my own, but i grew up in a big family (lots of cousins) so there were always kids around. you can't watch them 24 hours a day-unless you put them in a bubble-but then you'd be accused of stifling them-so you can't win i guess. the most that you can hope for is that they've heard your warnings of being safe and hope for the best. but even still, accidents happen. it's not like you took the brush and tangled it in your daughter's hair. i had a similar experience as a child with a round brush-but my parent's never once blamed the babysitter or accused her of not trying to help me out...it's outrageous.
@MySpot (2602)
• United States
12 Jun 08
Wow. Are you sure it was a friend being so judgmental and accusatory? Just saying. We all make mistakes and in doing so, we learn! We must experience in order to learn and grow. I'm sure your daughter will not roll that brush in her hair again. I remember doing that myself as a kid and my daughter has done it also ~ like mother like daughter = ) The way your friend freaked, you'd think you forgot a toddler at home or something! She WAY over-reacted and it really wasn't her place to place blame where it didn't belong. Obviously accidents are just that. It's not like you rolled her hair up in it just to hear her scream or something. The sad part is, like the story of the dog bite, sometimes an accident is considered to be 'preventable' and in that case you can actually be charged with neglect. If that had been her own pet who had bitten her child, she may have been held resposible. I realize that there are parents and situations which occur that are preventable but people forget (or just don't know) that 'stuff' happens!!! Dogs can and might bite; we are warned to never leave a child (esp a small one that might kick, step on or pull on) unattended with a dog but most of us trust our family pets and you just can't predict that type of incident... and you definitely can't follow your kid or dog around 24/7! Thanks for sharing, MySpot