A daily battle with my weight? does this sound normal?

Australia
May 29, 2008 5:20pm CST
ok, now to some extent i think this is normal. but i often wonder if ive taken it too far. my weight i mean. like all young girls from age 13 onwards i began to worry about my size and weight, dieting began and then from age 16 to 20 i was a full blown bullemic. it was like a breakthrough to me, eat all you want, then purge and still stay skinny. its was also about having control over at least one part of my life. ive always been a bit bigger, people say im normal and quite skinny, but i cant see that. when i got pregnant at age 20 - i stopped the bullemia straight away. there was no way i was going to harm my child. unfortunately i had morning sickness for 7 months, how ironic! anyway - so now my kids are 2 and 3. i am a single mum and i know it shouldnt matter what size i am. but it does. i have to weigh myself every day, and then i measure my self too. i count calories every day and wont let myelf go over 2000 calories a day. so i know im not starving myself, but i worry about my obsession. ive been obsessing over my weight for 10years now and to be honest, im getting tired of it. i would love to go through ONE day without worrying about my body and what im eating. from time to time i will still binge and purge. not good i know, but thats like once a month if that. i know thats really bad for you. so i choose do obsess in other ways. i just want to be me and be proud. im a size 8 (in australia - i think im a size 4 in american) - so i know im not fat, but im stuck in a world that i cant seem to escape (when it comes to my size) - if you have battled an eating disorder and you are past it please give me some advice. and if you are struggling like me, let me know that im not the only fool who feels this way. or, if what im doing lately is normal and ok, then let me know that too. ok thanks guys.
3 people like this
11 responses
@bonbon664 (3480)
• Canada
30 May 08
I'm glad that you're eating enough, and not purging. What I can see being the big problem in the future is the impact you'll have on your children. Especially if you have little girls, you don't want them to have the body image problems you have. I wish people would be happy the way they look at the present time whether or not they're trying to lose/gain weight whatever. Please get some help to stop the constant weighing and measuring of yourself. I would hate to see another young girl who is obsessessed with their weight at 5 years old.
1 person likes this
• Australia
1 Jun 08
you make such a great point. i have my two little girls, and i definately dont wont them doing this. i am their role model. i will battle with this all the way. its all in the mind. thanks for your response :-)
@newht351 (74)
• Malaysia
30 May 08
i dont think i have same obsession like u.. but my officemates does.. GOD, they keep talking what they eat even just a piece of fied chicken.. an keep asking me, what i eat last nite, what i'm going to eat this weekend. and keep compare, either my menus is healthy enaough or not.. my weight is 58kg and 157cm.. ideal:) quite chubby.. but i feel good wtith my body.. i just want to stay fit and healthy, not a skinny..
1 person likes this
• Australia
1 Jun 08
you sound like a good size. its a good point,just to be fit and healthy. your workmates have issues it seems. they probably egg eachother on. dont get dragged into that world. thanks .
@kame_w (104)
• China
30 May 08
When talking about the weight,my mother feel much sensitive than I. I can't memorize the first time I started to lose weight. It should be long time ago. Even now, I still think about how to lose weight. As a female, I think it is very normal. But remember we mean keep fit, not keep thin.....
1 person likes this
• Australia
1 Jun 08
i think us females have it in us to a certain point. so true
@07Aknox (72)
• Portugal
30 May 08
Everyone wants to look their best, fell "right" with themselves, personally eat whatever i feel like eating, never had weight problems before because i practise intensive phisical activities, and it's one of the reasons i do it. Anyone who wnast to loose weight should do more sports, and still eat whatever they want, if they want to lose even more weight they do even more sports, cutting on the food is the worst thing you can do. It causes health problems plus it requires alot of self-control not to eat that cake, and seriously it is not worth it. Even fat people and i mean really fat can't loose weight cutting on food alone, but they can loose weight if they actually do some sport alone. Some people need to do more exerise than others, and you should balance what you eat with the sports you practise, you should never stop eating becuase ou don't wnat to gain weight, for me it's just ridiculous.
1 person likes this
@alienstar (5136)
• India
30 May 08
Being over weight is a problem for sure and if you are really overweight, you have to be cautious as it is also bad for health.Moreover, you say that you have been watching your weight since 10 years now and haven't you reduced anything in these 10 years..! if not, then theer is something wrong in your exercise or eating habits which you ahev to address for sure
@Gmdem13 (156)
• United States
31 May 08
Well Ange, it seems we have more in common than i thaught! As you know At 18 now, i am a size 3-5 american... idk, sizes in australia.. BUT, fromm the time i was 14-17 i was bullemic, and then i switched to being anemic. Truth be told, even though i know i am not fat, im still not happy with my weight. im not as consitant with it as you, i just stress everyday about how uncomfortable i am with myself. at time, like aftr big meals or thanksgiving meals, i do think of going back to bullemia, but i stop myslef because i think to myself... what could this get me?? i may not do it all the time, but it IS mentaly addicting, and if something were to happen. i couldnt bear to lose my family, or my friends. as for you, i think you have to focus on.. weve all seen pictures of extremely unhealthy bullemics, technically i was one of them for a while, you could actually see my ribs.. pretty well. BUT, what if something were too happy, you got to wrapped up in it, and something were to happen to you. would you want to put you children in the situation? would you want to end up in a hospital and leave your children? As hard as it is to think about, its the important things in life to think about. I would suggest for you trying the south beach diet. heard of it?? My moms been on it for a while now, and she keeps coming home saying.. "20 pounds down"! were all so proud of her. I just suggest that you try something a little more healthy. GOOD LUCK! ~gina~
• Australia
31 May 08
hi gina. we sure do. im glad youve stopped the bullimia too. its hard to stop and i agree, at times when you over eat, it seems easy to go back to hey? i know everyone here is right. but eating disorders are hard to just turn off. even now ive stopped bullimia (99%) - i find other ways to obssess like now counting calories. i guess the world will not fall apart if im a bit chubby. i just hope being chubby wont stop me from finding my prince charming. thats what i worry about too. being a single mum, if was was overweight too id never find anyone. ok - i know thats not true, but its whats programmed in my head! argh. thanks for sharing also x oh and by the way, whats the south beach diet?
@Gmdem13 (156)
• United States
2 Jun 08
Excuse my wrong terminology.... after i was bullemic, i because **anorexic** brain fart! hahaha!
@Gmdem13 (156)
• United States
2 Jun 08
south beach diet is another way of learning how to eat healthier, and more in porpotion. It's a very common way of dieting, im sure that if you went to a local supermarket you could find the meals. *they are not tv dinners* they are small porpotioned boxed meals. usually going into boxed meals youd think the food was not so desirable, but ive had it a couple times, and the food is actually VERY good!... what do you have to lose? weight?? hahah! learning how to porportion your diet, with food that tastes great! im sure you can find more about it online... i say you check it out.. im actually thinking about trying it myself.
@borgborg (821)
• Philippines
1 Jun 08
i am not bothered by my weight but i am bothered with how big my tummy can get. when i was back in college, i have a six-pack abs. when i started working, i started to lose it until all of a sudden, i already have a whole pack of abs. i want to get rid of it by i don't have time to exercise. coz usually, after work, i am already too tired to go to a gym. i was planning to have my own treadmill at home so i can run even without going to the gym. i am also planning to ask the nutritionist on how many calories i need to lose a day so i can remove the extra fats from my body. but i am not fat. i only weigh 135 lbs & i'm 5'7". i'm just concerned about my abs. in regard to your situation, i guess you must consult a nutritionist on how you can eat much but still retain your figure. i know it can be done through regular exercise & proper diet. they can give you what foods you can eat to your heart's content without you blowing up. i guess that's the best solution so you can be confident about your weight. hope this helps.
• Australia
1 Jun 08
hi thanks for that advice, a nutritionist might be good. i have a real sweet tooth. i love my chocolate and icecream. if they could give me a balance that would be great, especially if i could have my sweets!
@borgborg (821)
• Philippines
1 Jun 08
yes. they can help you with that. i believe they can come up with a solution to balance your appetite. ;)
@cupid74 (11397)
• Pakistan
31 May 08
Hi dear really surprised to know that some one can be so concious about diet, weight and measure, i am sure i cant follow it even for a week, u really got good temprament. Well i never worried that much about my weight, diet and calory intake, i might not even know what my calorie in take it i am happy the way i am, but wish u all the best, my advise would be that take care of ur diet and health but dont be so much concious. have relaxed mind set Take care
• Australia
1 Jun 08
sorry to suprise you but yes it is true ;-( i am trying to relax and get over it. i know i have to. thanks x
@cupid74 (11397)
• Pakistan
3 Jun 08
Ha ha ha, its OK , some times its good to have surprises as well. But sure u need to over come with it do u heard that tension/depression may result in pbsession too?? Take care Wish u all the best
• United States
30 May 08
I would say that you need to see a mental health professional to help you get past this. At a size 4 (in American) you are small woman (especially for recently having 2 kids!). I struggle with my weight. In fact, I am very over weight (for real, not just in my mind. I am 5'1", 229 pounds (I have lost six pounds this month), and a size 20 American). This is the biggest I have ever been, but I am trying to fix it in healthy ways. You should never weight your self more then once a week. Day to day fluctuations can drive you mad and they don't have much real meaning (water weight, digesting food, hormone changes can all affect your day to day weight). Try to concentrate on being healthy, that's what is really important. Exercise, eat a variety of foods, and drink lots of water. For you though, I would suggest you get help. You know you have a problem. You aren't alone, but it would be easier for you to get past it with someone who knows how to help you.
• Australia
1 Jun 08
hi thanks for your advice. i am seeking help and i hope to get past this sooner rather than later. good luck to you with your weight battles and do it the right way :-)
• Philippines
30 May 08
There are other ways to do diet. Please stop the binging and purging. You have so many ways to maintain your weight and size. Try having just vegetables and fruits diet.Or maybe you can go to the gym or do exercise at the safety of your home..Having daily walks or jog around the block eliminates some of the calories in the body. For your kids sake be healthy hun and don't think much about your weight and size before it's too late.Take care always and be happy for who you are. :)
• Australia
1 Jun 08
hi there. yes i am becoming more active. i just want to eat whatever i want, get fat and love it! that would be the best ;-) - unfortunately fat is not in :-(
@Winter08 (441)
• Canada
30 May 08
I remember when I started thinking I was fat. I was in Grade 4, our class was singing the national anthem, and I looked down and saw my stomach "sticking out". I as a 10 year old farm kid. I wasn't fat. I had the typical body type of a muscular, healthy kid. And I had never, never paid attention to, or even been aware of, such a thing as "being fat." BUT ... a new family had moved to the area. AND ... the young daughter was HUGE!!! I don't remember the specifics, but there must have been talk. And I think there must have been teasing. And something twisted in my child brain and translated it into my now being "fat". From that day forward, I always wore my shirt/blouse outside of my slacks. I have always considered myself fat from that day. I have looked at pictures from early years. I wasn't fat. I had a solid, muscular build, the type that was not the glamorized in the mags and on TV. In my unawareness of how subtle the messages were that I was picking up from the media and from people being people, I labelled myself fat. And I dieted and dieted and thought about my weight and food and my weight and how I should be dieting and exercising and if I could just get to "GOAL WEIGHT" I would be happy and ... So I obsessed. Then I took a workshop that had a question: How much of my time do I spend thinking about food? My answer ... at least 90% of my waking hours ... started a wakeup call for me. I decided I was NEVER going to diet again. I remember the feeling of freedom, of liberation, like a huge weight had just lifted off my mind. And I ate and ate and ate ... but I did it without guilt. And I ENJOYED so many tastes, guilt free. Of course, I put on weight. And now I am truly "fat". But I no longer have the stress of dieting and beating myself up because I'm not loosing weight. And I have all that thought-time freed up so I notice/see/enjoy many other things that I missed in my weight obsessed world. I will eventually loose my excess poundage. But I know it will be when I have cleaned up some other stressors in my life. In the meantime, how I feed my body acts as a barometer for me as to how stressed I am (or not) about those things I'm working on cleaning up. Sorry ... long winded way of saying .... You are not alone in your struggles. That you are aware that your actions/behaviour/thoughts might not be the healthiest and that you are doing counselling ... these are good ways of eventually becoming free of the body image/weight obsession merry-go-round. All the best.
• Australia
1 Jun 08
thankyou so much for your story. you are so right, it is a merry go round. im pleased for you that you decided one day that you would stop and you did. i would free up so much more time- your're right. thankyou x