How do you handle toxic friends?

United States
May 30, 2008 10:02am CST
I have a friend whom I have known for many years. She is really a good hearted person and is quick to lend a helping hand, but there is one thing that troubles me about her. When something good happens to me she seems to try to discredit it in some way. I found a wonderful husband and was very happy with him. She tried to break us up just weeks before our wedding. She did not succeed, he was on to her, but it hurt. I got a great job and was telling her about it, but all she could do was bad mouth the agency. Every time I talked to her, she had something bad to say about the agency. She would bring it up in every conversation and say she would never work for a place like that. She had asked how much I make and I foolishly told her (it was about three times what she made) because I thought we were friends. I met the POTUS and she bad mouthed his, saying that she would have cursed him out and all kinds of nonsense. I went to college and while I don't talk about it to her, if I even mention a friend from college, she goes off on this lengthy dissertation on how college is a scam and no one gets anywhere by going to college. Everything good that happens to me, she tries to discredit it and turn it into something bad. I have realized that she is jealous and a toxic person. I celebrate her triumphs with her when good things happen to her, but when good things happen to me, she blasts them and make them out to be something ugly. As a result, I have distanced myself from her. I just don't need someone who is supposed to be my friend bringing me down. What are your experiences with toxic friends? How do you handle them?
5 responses
@roger3611 (200)
• China
30 May 08
each time when you talk to your socalled friend, it makes you down, why you just leave her, ending the friendship, and make friends with others, you know there's almost 6 billion person waiting for you. I know it's agony, but you have to go on with your life, so just smile and leave ...
• United States
30 May 08
I never thought of it that way! You made me smile. 6 billion people just waiting to be my friend... How absolutely beautiful!
• China
30 May 08
will, its my honour to make you smile. if you think its right, maybe you really can do like that.
• United States
30 May 08
It sounds like a friend you don't need. I have gotten rid of all the toxic people in my life. I was married to a man like her once lol maybe they could hook up. People like that will bring you down, make you feel guilty for your success, and do their best to make themselves feel better by belittling you and trying to drag you down. They will try to suck the life right out of you. Someone on here mentioned a story about a crab pot. How when crabs are in a crab pot and one tries to escape the others will drag it back down to prevent it from getting out. Your friend sounds like the crabs on the bottom. Best of luck to you and may you have many successes and real friends to share them with.
• United States
30 May 08
You hit the nail right on the head! She does make me feel very guilty for being successful in my job, finding a great husband, having really good kids. That is a great analogy, thank you for sharing it! It really cleared my sight for how she is...
@saverio (402)
• India
30 May 08
Keep her out of your hair.She is just a really bad influence.Looks like she has lots of negative energy around her.I had a few toxic friends and i just avoid them.I just dont talk to them and they get the message.
• United States
30 May 08
When I am around her, even on the phone, it feels as if my own energy is moving through mud (if that makes any sense).
@ersmommy1 (12600)
• United States
30 May 08
Sounds like she has some issues. First I would try ignoring it. Then maybe talk to her. Let her know the negativity is "bringing you down." If that doesn't work you may have to take a drastic measure. If it is truly bad, ending the friendship may be the only out. Not easy I know. I have done it.
• United States
30 May 08
I tried to talk to her and she denied even doing it. I directly quoted her and she still said I was wrong, that she did not act that way. I told her that I valued her friendship and wanted to work it out, but she did not even try to do differently. When we were talking I would tell her "you're doing it again" and she would say "no, I'm not" and keep right on. It has not been easy, but I did distance myself from her. I just know that she needs someone to listen to her, but how much of a friendship is it when she does all the talking and I can't say a word because of the attack she will launch?
@Insung001 (740)
• Philippines
30 May 08
How do I handle toxic friends? I get rid of them! That simple. Not that I would kill them LOL! But I would just stay away from them as possible. It could hurt for both of you if you really are that close, yes. But you just have to. Toxic people would eventually kill you, not literally, but they could kill your dreams. (that's why it's called toxic) Maybe you don't have to forget him/her just like that, but just don't spend too much time with those kinds.
• United States
30 May 08
I agree. I do distance myself from her. I had another "friend" who was even worse (what, am I a MAGNET for these types of people??? LOL) and I completely cut the ties. I found that these people literally sucked the life out of me.