How to make a relationship last: be STRICT or LENIENT?

Philippines
May 31, 2008 11:52am CST
I am lenient in my current relationship. I don't want my partner to feel constricted or stripped of his will to live. Sometimes we don't even have contact for a long time, and i trust him enough to do such an act. I let him go out with his friends without me. As far as i know, it's the reason why i was able to keep my relationship with him this far. But there are times, like now, that i feel kinda distant with him, not always knowing where he is or what he's doing and stuff like that. Am I being too lenient?Should i be strict? How about you? Are you strict or would you rather be strict? --Share your story--(^^,)
5 responses
• New Zealand
1 Jun 08
I admit I was quite strict with her... but if she only told me to adjust I would've compromised with her... I was just strict because i care for her that much... I don't want anything bad to happen to her... it's not that I don't trust her.. it's just that sometimes she forgets to take care of herself... I do get mad when she goes home late because it's dangerous... I was strict but I always asked her if i was too strict and if she wants me to loosen up.. unfortunately she never tells me the truth... or I'd like to say she just suddenly realized it and left me without being able to make up for it just like that... it's like she piled things up then eventually blamed it all on me and it won over all my efforts while we were still together... So I guess it's not about being strict or lenient it's just that you have to have a good communication... and when I say communication I mean two-way not one sided... because if one speaks but the other doesn't then it becomes meaningless... well that's what happened in my case though... so that's just my opinion...
• Philippines
1 Jun 08
That is quite a story. It does take two to build a relationship and without communication, the relationship would be like child's play or something. Sometimes, like in your case, if a person has a difficult time in verbalizing or saying what they really want, it would be difficult to build a relationship with that person because how would you know if she really want you if she doesn't know what she really wants in the first place. Thanks for your opinion!(^^,)
• New Zealand
1 Jun 08
Yeah that's exactly the issue.. lately she told me she doesn't know what she really wants... we started that way and ended that way...=) by the way thanks for marking mine as the best response...
1 Jun 08
It's different for each couple. In mine we both have seperate social lives and a social life together. That works if you have total and complete trust. I can't imagine telling my partner he can't hang out with his friends. I am not his owner he can do as he pleases as long as it doesn't affect our family life. The same goes for me. If you need time with him tell him. Being open and honest with your feelings is very important. He may not know that you want to spend some one on one time with him. We all need this is our relationships in order to make them work. The worst thing you can do is not tell him. Just talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. Good luck to you. I hope this helps.
• Philippines
2 Jun 08
I'll tell him. I have been telling him and he keeps on repeating his actions actually, but i hope i never get tired of him. Thanks for the information!You are such a lenient woman.(^^,)
@meiteoh (421)
• Switzerland
1 Jun 08
There is no real formula to making a relationship last because it is unique to each couple. What is constant though are things like love, respect, trust, fidelity and honesty among other things. Being with someone requires compromise and understanding on the part of both parties. While it is great that you are trusting of him, the lack of contact both physically or emotionally can be a problem. Perhaps you could sit down with him and talk about him opening up to you more, keeping you in loop about what happens in his life and so forth. It's not reporting, merely trying to incorporate your partner into your life - that's what being in a relationship is all about. In my case, I trust my hubby but he knows that that trust is something that should never be taken for granted and since I don't lead his life (like go to his office, etc, etc), he keeps me in loop by sharing constantly about how his day was, what happened and so forth. It makes for small talk which helps us bond as well. He wasn't always like this - my hubby is a naturally shy person and keeps a lot of his emotions to himself but we've talked about this before and since then he has been trying... :)
• Philippines
2 Jun 08
Thank you for sharing your experience(^^,)Right now we're in a complicated phase where i decided not to talk with him and give him a piece of his own medicine. I hope he realizes how insensitive he could really be. And i'm still hoping it'll work out. You've been a great help!(^^,)
@sush123 (211)
• India
1 Jun 08
every relationship works if there is trust and faith if you dont have these two things in any kind of relationship then you cant maintain that relationship .so if you really think that you want to be genuine in your relation you have to trust second thing if you faith your partner then definately you have anough trust to be him himself. so no need to be stick you just let him go every time you make him free he surely come back and give you more love then your expectation. so i think we should trust each other and no need to be strict in relationship.
• Philippines
1 Jun 08
Yes. and i've been doing so. I'm just afraid if he'll take an advantage of it. But again it's just my mind talking. Thanks for your insight(^^,)
@kerriannc (4281)
• Jamaica
31 May 08
In a relationship it is not about being lenient or not. It is about respect, love, trust and compromising. A person enjoy their relationship when they know that they are being trusted. If there are things in the relationship that you are uncomfortable with it is time you discuss it. Let your boyfriend knows that whenever there are time to spare you would like some of it too. Sometimes male becomes comfortable and think all is well, when it is not so. Yes males tend to always going out with their friends. Male bonding they call it. But maybe their are times when you would like to go. If it is in the event that he is the only one with a girlfriend maybe it will be uncomfortable for him. But if you are the type of girl that no matter what friends you are around you can fit in then let him know. Strictness breaks relationship. This is were compromise comes in. Remember you want your partner to also be your friend.
• Philippines
31 May 08
I do want him to be my friend. I just don't want him to feel controlled or for me to act like a mother to him and ask permission in every move he makes and stuff like that. But if he has some spare time, he should give it to me and i should tell him every me and then to notice me. Thanks for responding(^^,)