My 16 year old daughter
By jasmine0728
@jasmine0728 (677)
United States
June 2, 2008 4:23am CST
My daughter has been a very difficult one to raise.She is a very good kid as far as she doesn't lie,cheat,steal or smoke. She is always where she says she is going to be,doesn't snek off or anything ,and she is an honoroll student studying to go into forensic science or possibly law. I very proud of her.
That being said has anyone dealt with an oppositional child, I am fortunate she is only this way with me. However it is very stressful she runs the house because I walk on eggshells so as not to set her temper off again. Anyone experience this?
Jas
3 responses
@thegyfted1 (55)
• United States
3 Jun 08
jasmine0728, before I respond, I hope I don't come off sounding as if I'm judging you, that is not my intent. Since you are asking for others input, please have an open mind because people are going to give their opinion as to what they would do in this situation. I have four children who I have raised alone due to their father not being involved after we divorced. My children are 21, 18, 11 and 9. They have been a handful, but one thing they have not been is oppositional. As a parent, we have to stay in control at all times and when I say that, I don't mean be a mean-mommy. Even though I raised my children to speak up for themselves, express their feelings and such, they still know when and how to talk to me. My 11 year old has his little moments but they never get to be big moments because I won't allow it. Since your daughter is already sixteen, I think that it is safe to say that you have at least two more years of walking on eggshells and then she'll be off to college earning that degree and continuing to make you proud. Until then, I would suggest that when she has one of her "moments", you let her calm down and then you go to her and discuss with her what just happened and you let her know that you don't appreciate her tone or how she handled whatever situation ocurred. She's your daughter for life and communicating with her on a level where she understands that you are the parent and she is the child and that you will not tolerate her acting out in that way any longer. Explain to her that she is growing into adulthood and adults do not act like that. That's what I would do. Hopefully I have been somewhat helpful. Your daughter seems to be an exceptional teenager, and in my opinion, you just need to address respecting your authority.
@jasmine0728 (677)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Thank you for your response.I can say that what I generally do is avoid her when she is flipping out,I take a walk or a ride in the car.I can do that now that she is older,when she was little I couldn't do that because she would follow me from room to room continuing whatever her argument was at the time.One night she was pissed because she got her 1st c in school and it was in an honors class,at 1st she was screaming about the teacher and how it was her fault but somewhere in there she made it my fault.I tried to reason with her, then I tried ignoring her,she got so loud that a neighbor called the cops,and not because they though she was being hurt but because she was disturbing the peace.I wish it were as simple as just laying down the law and punishing her for this behavior I would do it in a heart beat.This has never worked for her in certain situations,if she is angry there just doesn't seem to be any way of calming her down,and no reasoning with her at all.I will say it is somewhat better now then it used to be because if I leave for awhile she is ready to talk when I get back and we manage to work things out.I am more concerned about what it is going to be like for her in the real world,right now she vents all this rage at me although I can honestly tell you I don't know where all the rage is coming from.I have been a pretty good mother, the one thing I know I did wrong was put her feelings and needs 1st way too much I never taught her that I matter at all.I am just hoping she can control herself in a relationship with a husband someday ,and when she is off to college.
Jas
1 person likes this
@jasmine0728 (677)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I just had a discussion with her a few minutes ago about counseling and thank goodness for the 1st time she is willing to go.I have wanted her to go since she was little I was taking her for awhile but because she didn't want to go it was an all out battle to get her there and nothing was accomplished while we were there.I finally gave up and figured I would wait until she was ready and tonight she finally agreed.She is figuring out that she gets more angry then the other kids in school about little things,and even her friends are pointing it out to her.Her doctor at one time a few years back suggested medication but I refused because she obviously can control it when she has to,she has never been in any kind of trouble at school,so that tells me she can control it.If something pisses her off at school she waits til she gets home and takes it out on me.I am not kidding when I say that,she will spend the night snapping and biting my head off about anything and everything.When I get upset with her for it all hell breaks loose and she will scream hoot and holler,sometimes slamming doors and stomping her feet and scream really loud until the anger is spent then the tears come and she will tell me what had her upset in the 1st place.As a mother it is heartbreaking to watch because I feel powerless to do anything about it.
Jas
@jashley1 (746)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Hello Jasmine,
My children are still very small - but what I do know is that my husband and I spend a lot of time with them being proactive as far as behavior goes. We reward them for good behavior and absolutely let them know that ill behavior is unacceptable. We spend tons of time teaching them the ways of the Bible and about how they need to respect their father & mother, elders, and those where respect is due. We plan on really keeping lines of communication open and making sure they know their place in the home. We absolutely refuse to let our kids run us. Now I'm not saying this is what you are doing - and it may be more difficult now if your child knows that you will walk on egg shells due to her behavior - but you should definately let her know that you are the one to be respected and you make the rules in the house and you will not tolerate such behavior. Keep communication open. I hope this helps - I know I haven't been there yet, but I've had oppositional friends when I was younger (I'm only 25) and I know that they just played their parents because they knew they could get away with it. Don't let her run you.
