Should I make contact with a father I don't even know?

United States
June 10, 2008 3:43am CST
I never knew my biological father. He and my mother divorced right after I was born, she remarried and that man raised me. I found out as a teenager that I had a father I never knew about. As time passed by, I researched and found out where my "father" lives and that I have other siblings I never knew. I wonder if I should contact him for Father's Day and start a relationship with him or should I just leave things as they are?
5 responses
@donsky14 (5964)
• Philippines
10 Jun 08
well that really depends on you. because you know, once you've made a connection with him...then it'll definitely change your life. are you ready for that? good luck
• United States
12 Jun 08
I have been "kicking around" the idea for almost 2 years now and am just not quite sure. I know my life will change because of it but for the better or worse?
@donsky14 (5964)
• Philippines
12 Jun 08
well, its kinda both actually. but lets hope that its for the good.
• United States
14 Jun 08
Yes, always hope for the best!
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
12 Jun 08
do you feel like contacting him? if you feel something in your heart then why not. but if you contact him just because someone told you to or forced you then there is no sence to contact him. there are pros and cons on situation like this you have to feel it in your heart before taking the step. goodluck and have a blessed day
• United States
14 Jun 08
Oh, one day I want to contact him then the next I don't. There are so many reasons to do it and not to do it but one thing is for sure, I won't do it unless I am really ready. No one has told me to contact him except my Mom and I have decided that if I do contact him, only my husband and children will know about it, I don't feel comfortable involving my mom or stepdads.
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
11 Jun 08
Did he pay his due as a father? Did he pay child support? Why did he leave you? WOuld you getting in contact with your bio father cause a hurt feeling with you dad who raised you? I would not bother to get in touch with my dad if he decided to leave. good luck.
• United States
12 Jun 08
My mother and biological father were married at 15 and 17. I came along and my mother divorced him because he drank and ran around with his friends and wouldn't work and she wanted a better life. She married another guy a few months later and he adopted me when I turned 5 and started school. I was told that my biological father never paid child support and wasn't reluctant to sign the adoption papers. There are no problems between my dad who raised me and me, we are fine. In fact, I have waited all these years out of respect for my dad to not contact my biological father. But, not to offend my dad or anyone else, I have the right to contact my biological father and fear that if I don't, I may not get that chance because of our ages.
@yogeshdhusa (2212)
• India
10 Jun 08
I think you should not. You mom will not like that. And i think the man who raised you is your father and you hhave some resposibilities towards him. Make him feel special. I know you want to meet you biological father. But does he want to meet you. I think leave things as they are. enjoy :)
• United States
12 Jun 08
I have always admired my dad who raised me, after all, he didn't have to. He stepped up and took over a position he didn't choose. I am so very grateful to him for raising me! As far as my biological father goes, I have no idea if he wants to meet me or even thinks of me. Things are easy to leave as they are in stead of "upsetting the apple cart."
@kaezy_kulet (2465)
• Philippines
10 Jun 08
well i think ask your mom first if it will be ok to her and to your dad who have raised you..if its ok with her then go ahead its nice to know your real father and you have the right to know him.
• United States
12 Jun 08
I'm an adult with my own family now and my parents are divorced and each in another relationship and have been for many years. I have mentioned it to my mother briefly and she told me to go ahead and contact him. I haven't and won't mention it to my dad, I think he would be uncomfortable with it.