Do you have any good advice to my friend?

You know, when I went through a particularly rough breakup some time ago, I found this really good book - unfortunately I haven't been able to find it again in my search on Amazon, but it had some really good advice, that helped me a great deal. One of the problems in a breakup, is that when the other person is gone, the person left tends to idolize, or fantasize and just remember all the good stuff. And while it's true that you shouldn't badmouth this person (since that will only cause her to defend him more), one of the things you can do is ask her some of these types of questions: - What was the absolute WORST day they ever had together? What happened on that day? Have her go into excruciating detail. - What are some of his absolute WORST traits, what kinds of things did he do that drove her absolutely crazy, that made her absolutely livid. Have her describe in detail what those traits or habits were. The point here is that rather than focusing on all the "good stuff" - she is now remembering all the crappy stuff about him. This is something that takes a while. You can't bring this up, you have to let her bring those things up. But you can ask her about it, like "What were some of his really bad habits?" And just let her talk about it. That's retraining the brain to lose the positive reference on the person. But the key is that SHE has to be the one expressing those things, not you. Because if YOU express them, then she'll just jump to his defense and revert back to her unrequited affection for him. One of the exercises I read in the book is a bit more complicated, but man it really worked. There are two parts to the exercise. In one part, she visualizes a picture of the two of them on their happiest day. Then as she is viewing that picture, she views it getting smaller and smaller, and further away, so that it's nothing more than a tiny thumbnail. Then the second visualization is a picture of the two of them on their most miserable day, when he is at his worst. And as she is mentally visualizing that picture, visually imagine it getting larger and larger, until nothing fills the visual field except the vision of him at his worst. At this point there should be a literal physical repulsion happening. This is a psychological and physiological reprogramming of the brain to disassociate yourself from someone. I wish I could remember the name of that book, but believe me, that book was a MIRACLE! to me, because I didn't really think I could move past the relationship I had been in. And I can say, quite happily that not only have I moved past that pathetic relationship, but that I am in the best relationship I have ever been in *in my life*. So I can tell her from personal experience, she just has to let go of this person - because there is someone even better out there for her, more deserving of the love that she is wanting to give. Good luck. When I finally figure out the name of that book, I'll let you know!

Gosh, I know how this is. Actually, my love turned to hate. But, there are still times that I find I miss the dude I was with. (I'm a girl by the way) Try and get her interested in other stuff. If she's just sitting around and thinking about him...well, that's bad.

well, i have been in that situation before. but hey, as a friend try to respect how she feel. besides, its just normal for her to feel that way. time will fly. all u need is just to be there for her and dont stop cheering her up. saying bad things about his ex bf is not a right thing to do. dragging her away from her exbf may coz feelings of being hurt and conciousness of wha she feel. but showing and letting her know or showing her that her exbf is happy with someone else may help wake her up the reality that she should move on and find someone else that can give her happiness. all u can do as a friend is to be there, she should be the one to help herself to overcome this problem. if not, she would just suffer and suffer..while his bf is being happy..