Double Whammy!

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Well as sure as sunday was father's day, yesterday would have been my dad's birthday. It has been 12 years without him now, and it feels like yesterday. I was just 19 when he died, and we used to fight quite a bit. You know I know it is "normal" for teens to fight with their parents but I wonder if they knew how drastically their worlds would change with the loss of one or both parents forever, if that would change anything. I remember thinking that My dad would live forever and that made me so mad because he was always trying to tell me how to run my life, how to parent my son etc. the irony is now here I sit happily in a relationship, with 4 beautiful kids, and going through hell with my daughter who is ten. AND I just wish I could call my dad, because I know he would have the perfect words, the perfect advise. The advise I used to fight so hard against. It makes me sad, I have worked hard to make my amends with myself, I didn't nor will I ever have the opportunity to grow through my early 20's with my dad like all of my siblings did, to realize how smart, funny and loving my dad really was and grow into a friendship with him, like they did. Don't get me wrong I have grown in my 20's right through to 32 years, and I do recognize how awesome my dad WAS, but that is just it WAS past tense, it is just so sad to me really. Do you thing the pain of loosing a parent ever really goes away?