Is there still love behind the resentment?

@ch88ss (2270)
United States
July 17, 2008 3:55pm CST
Is there still love behind the resentment? I been battling inside for months or maybe years. However, over the last year this feeling is getting stronger. I never thought I be typing this down, but here goes, I need some advice and a wake up call if necessary. HOw do I express myself? After the birth of my second child, also autistic, things started to fall apart. It may sound very selfish, because it sounds like it is all about me, me, me. Now the little bit of history: Since the birth of my daughter, we slept in separate rooms. A colicky baby, when she was about 2 weeks old, he said he is going to sleep in the spare room, And it has been that way, now she is turning 6 years old end of the month. Oh I almost forgot, we both work full time. So he needs his sleep so he can get up for work the next day, and I need my sleep too. We are getting ready to transition her to her own room, but I am so used to being so independent and having the bed to myself. I don't feel like having him back in my bed. Did I lose all respect for him and resent him? I asked him to help her with homework while I do the dishes, he says he does not understand her homework and cannot help. He says her books are to hard, huhg? His english is limited, but it is only K- level book/homework. Is he for real? Can somebody really not know how to read Kinder level books but manage to go through high school? I am ready to pull my hair out. Through all this dissapointment and resentment I am confused. I cannot figure out if I still love him, but holding back my feeling becuase I resent him so much? Or I "not" in love anymore because I resent him and do not hold the same respect for him for his action? I feel horrible and I feel like I am being so selfish in expecting so much from him. Mylot friends, in reading what do you think could have gone wrong? I resent him so much that it blurs the line between love and anger/fustration. It is always said that kids raised in a household with both parents is better than 1 parent. So it must be wrong for me to wanting to separate right? What if I separate then I realized I do love him? I need your opinion, maybe a some can do a wake up call and tell me my selfish act is hurting the marriage and the kids.
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