His changed attitude - should she break up with him?
July 18, 2008 10:04pm CST
I happen to have a friend who has some trouble with her seven month old relationship. Months ago, she said "yes" to this really great guy who's into her. However, the biggest problem they have is how to tell her parents who do not agree yet in letting their daughter get involved with any guy. My friend had been optimistic about their relationship because she trusted the guy, believing that they can get through this. In the beginning, the guy really showed concern in how to impress her parents and show them that he's really serious with their daughter. My friend was so happy about it because she believed that his boyfriend really do has good intentions. But then recently, his attitude changed. Instead of showing concerns about what to do so they can finally tell her parents and ask permission, he's more interested in kidding around with her about taking her to bed. And his jokes about it was continuous. This scared my friend because they had agreed that they would only sleep together after their marriage. My friend argued with her boyfriend about it again and again - her boyfriend would apologize but then the following day, he would repeat those jokes again - as if he wanted to persuade her into going to the next level... One night, my friend talked to her boyfriend that she overheard her parents talking about her getting into a relationship - it seemed like a good sign... But then her boyfriend was more into kidding around about "the next level" instead of reciprocating her concerned feelings. This angered the girl, and worried her at the same time... She doesn't know what her boyfriend's real intentions anymore. Even though her boyfriend says that he was only kidding around, why kid around with the same topic?! My friend debates whether or not she should break up with him, thinking that their relationship won't go anywhere because of his changed attitude. Can anyone give advice? Thanks! Dianne
19 Jul 08
Hi Dianne. This is a difficult predicament your friend is encountering. Well, I'm with you about the "joking about going to bed". Many would agree that joke's aren't that funny anymore when repeated to a different audience and someone who saw it before sees it again. It's not appealing anymore. How much more if it's repeated daily onto the same person. There has to be a reason why. I can't judge the boy but he may be confusing your friend into doing it who knows? Now for the more serious part. It is troubling that at first the boy showed real interest in meeting the parents of the girl and then suddenly lose interest and shift over to physical in nature. Their relationship is fairly long and some of the true colors will show up. However, we don't know what it really is that boy thinking. I can feel your friend's worry even from where I'm sitting right now. I want to help but I don't know them well to get in the middle. What you can do is to convince her to have a talk with her boyfriend. And a serious talk at that. Make it interesting that the boy will be caught off guard. He likes jokes about it, then do a series of serious questions or conversations. Once he falls, which most likely he will, have them open up to teach other and ask why? what is his purpose and why did he change. There has to be reason for that and it is a good time to know it. Take care to you and your friend.