My Mother

@gr8life (6252)
Malaysia
August 11, 2008 2:34am CST
Hi Friends, I would like to seek your advice here. My mother is 70 years old and she is sick . Right now she is staying with my sister. Since I am her favorite daughter, she always call and ask me to help her. I don't mind helping but since I am working, sometimes I have to say 'No' to my mother. I feel guilty when it happens as whenever I need her, she always be there for me. I explain to her whenever I am not available but since she is sick and getting older, she becomes very sensitive. Two days ago, my husband and I, together with my eldest sister sent her back to her house as she wanted badly to see her own elder sister. I told her the night before we left that I need to come back to the city in the next morning as my husband has urgent meeting with his client. She agreed and didn't say anything. When the time came, she was surprised to see me packing my stuff. She asked me why need to go that early since it was a Sunday. She become forgetful too nowadays. When I told her we need to go back, she cried and told us that we really don't care about her anymore. I felt guilty and told my husband whether we can cancel the appointment but since it was last minute, it's hard for him to make the decision. I explained again to my mother and she was quiet. She said something to me that a little bit hurt my feeling but I just ignored it as I know she is getting older and sick. Do you have any problems with your mother especially the one with an old mother like mine?
4 responses
@aseretdd (13736)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
I understand your situation since that also happened to some of my friends... i am not experiencing that because my mother is only 58 years old... and she is still strong and very independent... but i wonder if she will act like that when she grows older and weaker... I suggest you always call your mother when you are not with her... that would comfort her... even if she wants your presence... the calls would suffice since you really need to work... times like this... you are the one who needs to be understanding of the situation... I hope your family will get throught this...
@gr8life (6252)
• Malaysia
14 Aug 08
Hello aseretdd, In fact, I never forget her. Whenever I feel angry, I always think of her sacrifice towards my siblings and I. My mother is a very good mother and I am glad to have her. Just recently, she acts differently. I always call her once every two or three days and whenever she is at my sister's house in the city, I will pay her a visit once or twice a week. But due to my busy schedules, I just can't meet her too often. She was in a good mood yesterday when she called me at my office. I was glad to hear her happy voice. I have to interrupt her when I got another call so I told her that I need to put down the phone. Again, she felt irritated and told me, "OK!OK! I will not be at home this week! No need to call me!" and put down the phone. I think my mother feels lonely and becomes more sensitive these days...
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13736)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
Your mother is indeed feeling very lonely... don't worry about her getting upset... that will disappear fast... old parents can be like that so we need to constantly assure them that we love them... i keep thinking that i will be like that when i grow very old...
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6252)
• Malaysia
14 Aug 08
Hello aseretdd, That's what I always tell myself *smiles* Maybe, I will be worse than her. I have many weird habits compare to my mother. She is a very good person and I am far different from her... I think so! Hopefully when she recovers a bit, she will not feel too sensitive...
@vanities (11401)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Aug 08
like wise here..although shes at a pink of her health but i had the hard time of going out since she will always or like to go with me...which of course not possible...we do go out once in a while with her of course that is every sunday depending on the budget ...and did some clumsiness too..but i guess its understanble due to her age...sometime she like to do things that she should not suppose to do so and the likes...but i guess its just a dot on a pen...compared to the help she extended to us when shes up and capable(young).. i love my mom and hope her to live longer..and enjoy life as well..
@gr8life (6252)
• Malaysia
14 Aug 08
Hello vanities, I also think the same. Whenever I feel angry with her act, it makes me to remember her sacrifice for me and my siblings. I love my mother very much and never want to hurt her feelings but it is so hard nowadays. She can easily get hurt over a small matter and always feel like we ignore her. She loves to compare her life with her sister. My auntie has many daughters too and all of them are housewives who stay just nearby her own house. So whenever my auntie gets sick, all the daughters will go back to her house and take care of her. My mother wants us to do the same too. Unfortunately, all my sisters and I are working and we are staying in the city while she herself stays in my hometown with another sister. We decided to hire a maid to accompany her. We told her once and she seemed to agree. I think my mother really needs a company so that she will not feel lonely.
@izhuce13 (160)
• China
11 Aug 08
you know, when our parents are getting older, we have the obligation take care of them. we often say we are so busy and do not have time to look after our parent.but for the most time, we just seeking for an excuse.But i am not blameing you.i just hope that you can spend more time to stay with you mother.
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6252)
• Malaysia
12 Aug 08
Hello izhuce13, I am hoping for that too but sometimes, it's just hard for me. Like few weeks ago, my mother called me twice while I was working- just to tell that she felt sick. In fact, she was staying with my sister that time and my sister was at home with her. I know that she needs my attention but it's really hard. I went to visit her after office hour on the same day, and needed to rush home to fetch my baby son. Again, she felt disappointed with me for spending just less than an hour and told me sadly better not to come next time if I can't spend time with her. I don't feel angry with her, whatever she says about me as I understand her situation. I just want to know how and what I can do and won't make her hurts...
@spyjob (214)
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
My mother is also with that same age and is living with me. She's been sickly last year until early this year and I'm taking care of her. Just put yourself in her shoe to feel what she feels. You don't want your children to ignore you when the time came that you also reach that age don't you? She has a little time to be with us and it is now our time to repay back the love she gave to us for so many years. Find time to be with her or you can go out and eat in a restaurant to overcome lost time. Your mother needs some assurance that she is still being loved by her children. Don't hesitate to make her feel that or you'll regret it later. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6252)
• Malaysia
12 Aug 08
Hello spyjob, I understand her feelings and how she becomes very sensitive in certain matters due to her old age. She has been living alone for the past 10 years after my father passed away. She was a strong woman and she always there whenever I need her but since a month ago, her health deteriorated. I know she needs attention but sometimes, I just can't fulfill that due to my work. I try hard to spend time with her and not to hurt her feelings as I do know how it feels when you are hurt. Sometimes I just think how to make her happy and not to hurt her accidentally with my words and attitude. Since she became more sensitive lately, a small matter or just a simple unappropriate word will make her feels hurt *sighs*