When family members take just the advantages from you and badmouth you at back!

@subha12 (18453)
India
August 12, 2008 12:56am CST
It is the situation I have seen. There are many family members who will take all monetary and other helps from you. they will also show how contended they are when you support them with help. But at your back they just bad mouth you.I have also noticed when anything goes wrong, they are happy making myself the culprit. It hurts so much. when you know that you do beyond your limit to keep them happy and provide them in need. But they are doing back stabbing. Have you ever faced like this?
3 people like this
18 responses
@mayka123 (12218)
• India
12 Aug 08
I have experienced this very often. I have just learnt to ignore their comments. The more you ignore the faster they start keeping quite. And if they do not keep quite I just stay away from them.
1 person likes this
• India
14 Aug 08
O! i can't definitely conclude that if these are from your experiences or not, but what you said is mostly found in many families..and so.. that of mine stands no exclusion.. yea.. some years back.. my aunt had an operation in both her eyes.. i looked after her.. for four months.. did all jobs for her..washing her clothes, helping her to go around...etc.. to tell all those things will not be a graceful act on my part.. yet i have to say here.. As you said, she was making false allegations against me, in my absence.. about my service to her.. and i asked her straight on face.... and at that time she juggled with some reasons and avoided the friction.. Once she got cured.. and went to her house... she never talked to me..till this date..
@magojordan (3254)
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
As Mark Twain has said "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man". People tend to actually "bite" you back if you fail to give them what they want even for just once.I think those people who do such things should realize that what they do is wrong and for them to be given again they should not do those things.
@lingli_78 (12841)
• Australia
13 Aug 08
fortunately, it never happens to me before... it will be very painful to be back-stabbed by the person who is close to you... especially your own family members... and how ungrateful to do that to the person who had helped you... i hope it will never happen to me... take care and have a nice day...
@salonga (27860)
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
Well fortunately lot. I am surrounded by good relatives and family members. Yes I help them a lot because by the grace of God I have been financially blessed and hence capable to extend monetary support to them. But I could see how they love and respect me for this. All my good deeds to them are reciprocated in a hundred and different ways and I am so happy for it. I could imagine how hurting it would be if you find relatives you've helped but still slandering you. How ingratitude act that could be. Perhaps if I will be faced with that problem, I will confront the person and will tell straight to his face how much I despise his behavior and then he will not get any financial support from me any more unless he amends his ways.
@bdugas (3581)
• United States
13 Aug 08
My husband's family are the worse I have seen for this, they want every thing from you but when it comes to you needing some thing they are long gone. They talk about me to my face not only behind my back, I believe the reason for all the problems is it seems that before I came along he really just worked for them, they was always there on payday. After i got with him, I stopped the money flow, we had bills to pay, and they never returned what they borrowed. That made bad feelings between us, they want to control and I have never been a person who took control very wellm I have always spoke my mind and truth is something that I find they have a hard time with. It hurts to know that all you did for them they don't respect, they just think they deserve it.
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
12 Aug 08
Yes, I have faced situations like this. And as difficult as it was to do, I finally stopped helping the bad mouthing family members. You need to make sure YOU are happy hon. Be selfish once in a while and put your feelings and needs first. It won't hurt the other family members except maybe to bruise their apparently selfish egos.
12 Aug 08
It's unfortunate that we all have family that behave this way. It's sometimes best to cut ties. Why be around people like this even if it's family? Just because we are related to one another doesn't mean we have to be in one anothers lives right? Like friends you can pick and choose who is in your life and who isn't. Good luck. I hope things work out for you regarding this problem.
• United States
12 Aug 08
Yes I have seen this. It is important to remember that you help someone because it is the right thing to do, it is not based on what kind of good or bad person they are. If they make the bad decision to "stab you in the back" than that reflects badly on them and not you. You should continue to do the right thing and treat them with love.
• United States
12 Aug 08
Yes some of my family members are unappreciative too. I've confronted them about it and they just got quiet, nowadays I stay away from them and they go out of there way to avoid me alltogether which is good because they'll just keep asking until I can't give no more. I hate to sound mean but sometimes it's just best.
• China
12 Aug 08
They are so selfish!i never see such a family. i think family members should help each other and support each other.that can call family.if one of my family do such things to me i world never help her/him.he is mean to me ,well,let's see!
@padma84 (98)
12 Aug 08
Touch wood... I have never faced such a situation so far... and hope I don;t ..It is unfortunate that you have faced this unpleasant situation.Since you have understood their intentions, be careful hereafter and steer clear out of their company...Say a firm but polite No.. I hope you will not face any such disappointments and frustration....
@dpk262006 (56638)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
It sounds really bad when you are helping someone and he/she is bad mouthing about you at your back. This is a poor reflection on their character, not yours. I just try to ignore these kind of people. If I have helped someone, I just do not expect any return out of it. I simply try to forget it. I know in my heart of heart that I was right and positive while landing my helping hand to someone.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
12 Aug 08
HI subha, [i]I have not tried that since my family members are very loving,supportive and understanding! We are always there for each other no matter what! That is very sad in your case, I mean for the effort you are extending to help them and then at your back they are just stabbing you. Maybe you need to talk to them about it...If hard for you to talk face-to-face, write a letter for them to let them know that they are hurting you by doing such![/i]
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
12 Aug 08
I do know what exact kind of people you are talking about.I see them everyday in my life because they are non other then my dad's relatives.My dad, he is very simple,kind hearted and helps everyone in possible ways.His brother and aunties,they take advantage of him in many occasions.Even dad knows about it,but he prefers to say nothing.We feel bad,after doing so much for them,helping them in need,taking care of them all through out their life,what he gets is their "back stabbing".
@4mymak (1796)
• Malaysia
12 Aug 08
i see this happen a lot in my father's family... among his sisters... and one aunt always seems to the target - she's the big sister.. and the other aunts will usually spend time at her place... and normally whatever family function we have.. it will usually be at her house... she truly has a very kind heart... but i guess being the eldest among them.. she is very much a control freak... well, i will see the other aunts going for her for help and favours.. but in the end.. they would somehow 'gang-up' on her.. and blame her for whatever wrong things that happen to the family... i dont understand them.. so.. i stay away from them as much as i can...
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
hi subha12... i like to share to you this story... the snake the farmer the heron... the snake chased by hunters asked a farmer to save its life. to hide it from its pursuers, the farmer squatted and let the snake craw into his belly. but when the danger passed and the farmer asked the snake to come out, the snake refuse. it was warm and safe inside. on his way home, the farmer saw a heron and shared with him what happened. the heron told him to squat and strain to eject the snake. when the snake stuck his head out, the heron caught it, pull it out and killed it. desperate was the farmer, worried that the poison from the snake was inside him. the heron stated eat six white foul and then you will rid yourself of the poison. "your are white foul" said the farmer. he grabbed the heron and put it in a bag, carried it home, where he hung it up and told his wife what happened. "i am surprise at you" said the wife " the bird does you a favor and rid you of this evil in your belly, saves your life in fact, yet you talked of killing it" she immediately release the heron, and it flew away. But on its way it gouged out her eyes....... moral: when you see water flowing uphill, someone is repaying a kindness... SMILE ALWAYS...^_^ try also read my post " a glass of milk " an inspirational story
@successlog (3172)
• China
12 Aug 08
Hello subha12 I understand your concerns.I think many people in families have experienced this kind of situation.And i think no peole can aviod this.whatever you have money or not. I think you should keep sober when this happen and find the real basic reason why they say the4se words in your back.whatever you are wrong or not, you should keep quiet.If you are wrong you think in your mind,you should adjust yourself.If you are right, just don't do anything ,just keep the way you are going, I always think the reason is constant forever. maybe like the words:You go your way, I go mine. BUt as a member of family, i really hope you can get on well with your other families. Just understand, trust, take care and be patient with each other.It is the best way to resolve all the problem in family. Good luck to you