Promises, promises, broken pomises
August 21, 2008 10:12am CST
I have been so extremely angry with my man lately. We have bought an old farm and he promised me he would fix things there, mend windows, paint, move walls. As I cannot do any of it I had a real long talk - 100 talks really - so that I was sure I would not have to move into a house totally unsuited for me and my handicaps. Did he do what he promised? No, he did not. Instead he sat down and said: I think we should just chill out and enjoy ourselves for a while. Nice huh? In a few months I have to move out of here. To what? So. Are you the kind of person that break promises? Do you do it lightly? What was the worst promise-breakery you ever experiensed? By or to you.
28 Aug 08
my two past boyfriend promised me forever, and as i have expected, the promises are broken. hahah. but i'm not a bit dissapointed though, i know that promises are easily broken, and that forever is just for movies and novels. so no hard feelings, but what he told me is he'll be a friend forever, and that's not broken yet.
21 Aug 08
I went you your page and see you are from Norway but no mention of what your handicap might be. What are you limits as far as doing some of these repairs? Have you tried "shaming" him into doing one of the repairs by trying to do it yourself. One thing women don't understand about us men is that we don't think like you. Some men are hypermotivated and hyperactive...always doing things. Most of us are content to just go through the day and not be troubled with things. Your man seems to fall into this category like I do. I'm sure you have a list of things that need to be done. I'm also sure you repeat nearly the entire list to him every time you argue. Here's a tip...try only discussion one thing at a time. Let's say mending the windows...tell him you'd like him to help you fix one particular window if he wouldn't mind. That won't seem overwhelming to him. Moving a wall takes a bit of skill, if he isn't a skilled do-it-yourself, that would best be done by contracted labor.
21 Aug 08
Thank you for a very insightful and helpful response! I have ME, severe ME. I can start a number of these activities but I will likely last somewhere around 5 minutes, and I will end up in pain and bedridden for a day or maybe a week. Calling a contractor does not work. Takes planning and preparation and he will not cooperate. I have like you say presented him with a list and a plan. I see I went wrong there. We were both at the farm for a week - came home monday right after the enjoy ourselves speech. I was too ill to stay there anymore and he drove me home - 7 hours. Nothing could be crossed off the list. Yesterday he said he would go back, and might do some small things in the basement because he looked foreward to that job. I said great, and asked if he could fetch me some paint because I wanted to try to paint two bedsidetables (that he started 4 weeks ago). Maybe that did it? Maybe he felt shamed into doing something + we only spoke of one small job, just like you suggest? Because I called him a little while back to ask how he was, and he was knocking down the old bathroom wall. He said it went really well. I will try to use this shaming/breaking things up into smaller jobs strategy again. Hopefully it is not a one time thing. Thanks again!