Have you ever had to end a serious relationship?
By bunzor
@bunzor (303)
September 3, 2008 6:44am CST
For example, your partner loved you very much but you no longer felt the same way about them. What did you say to them, and how difficult was it?
11 responses
@meemingNEW (2226)
• Philippines
3 Sep 08
Yes. And it made me feel bad about myself. That I was being selfish, conceited and what not. But I just had to. Even if we both feel so much love before, I wasn't happy with our relationship anymore. That's why I'd chose to lose him rather than losing myself. I dated the guy for almost 5 years and I recently broke up with him last April 2008. Well actually, he was the one who broke up with me over some silly fight. But I just can't put up anymore with a relationship that is already unhealthy for me because we were verbally fighting almost every day. We couldn't go a day without anything to argue. It was making me nuts that's why I had to let go.. for good. When he tried to have to back, I didn't accept him back in my life again. It's not that I don't want him anymore, I just wanna set myself free and happy. I'm dating someone new now and I'm happy and contented with him. Even though my ex continues to do ways just so that we can communicate and see each other, I'm just doing the right thing for myself and my new boyfriend by finally saying "No". I had enough already. I'm over him and I finally moved on from a very serious relationship that I thought would last for a very long time. Its just how life goes. No matter how difficult it is.. let go before it hurts even more.
Best of luck
take care..
1 person likes this
@ganda8831 (816)
• Philippines
4 Sep 08
My boyfriend of three years recently broke up with me because he got another girl pregnant. I was so shocked because we didnt have any problems at all. We seldom fought. He called me up last week to "explain things" and told me that he still loves me and misses me. He even asked me if I still loved him, of course i said no even if i still love him very much. Now my problem is moving on. We havent really talked about the break up yet and there's no closure for me. Pls give me advice on what to do. I'm going crazy over this.
1 person likes this
@meemingNEW (2226)
• Philippines
4 Sep 08
How sad.
I can't even imagine myself in your shoes because I don't know if I can handle the pain that you are going through right now. Moving on is definitely ones' choice. Even though it feels wrong to let go of someone even if you both still feel the same, situation matters. And with yours, that decision of letting go and saying No may turn out to be the right one in the end. I think it is so, basing on the fact that he cheated on you behind your back and even resulted in another thing when he got the "other" girl pregnant. It is his mistake and he has to do the right thing in dealing with his problem and be responsible for his actions.
I think for you to finally move on, you both should talk to close things out. I think there is no need for him to explain things further because you know it already. You both were in love, seldom quarrel, but then he cheated on you and then he confesses that he got another girl pregnant.. the next right thing for him to do? Be responsible and raise his child. I don't know what's the real deal with your ex and with the girl he got impregnated, but its up to both parties on what to do with their lives. As for you, you did your part when you dated that guy for 3 years. You loved him and even if he cheated, you even still do. You did your best and you should be proud of yourself. Letting go doesn't always mean that you don't love that person anymore. You just have to before it hurts even more. Life could be unfair but don't let one person pull you down. You can still stand up for yourself. You'll be happy and maybe in the future, you'll find someone else who's way better than him who can love you faithfully. Also, you should forgive your ex.. if not now, in the near future. Forgive and forget. But geez, if I was in your position.. I can forgive but I also can't forget. It's his loss anyway.
Best of luck to you!
Hope you'll be okay.
I can't even imagine myself in your shoes because I don't know if I can handle the pain that you are going through right now. Moving on is definitely ones' choice. Even though it feels wrong to let go of someone even if you both still feel the same, situation matters. And with yours, that decision of letting go and saying No may turn out to be the right one in the end. I think it is so, basing on the fact that he cheated on you behind your back and even resulted in another thing when he got the "other" girl pregnant. It is his mistake and he has to do the right thing in dealing with his problem and be responsible for his actions.
I think for you to finally move on, you both should talk to close things out. I think there is no need for him to explain things further because you know it already. You both were in love, seldom quarrel, but then he cheated on you and then he confesses that he got another girl pregnant.. the next right thing for him to do? Be responsible and raise his child. I don't know what's the real deal with your ex and with the girl he got impregnated, but its up to both parties on what to do with their lives. As for you, you did your part when you dated that guy for 3 years. You loved him and even if he cheated, you even still do. You did your best and you should be proud of yourself. Letting go doesn't always mean that you don't love that person anymore. You just have to before it hurts even more. Life could be unfair but don't let one person pull you down. You can still stand up for yourself. You'll be happy and maybe in the future, you'll find someone else who's way better than him who can love you faithfully. Also, you should forgive your ex.. if not now, in the near future. Forgive and forget. But geez, if I was in your position.. I can forgive but I also can't forget. It's his loss anyway.
Best of luck to you!
Hope you'll be okay.1 person likes this
@Interlude (88)
• United States
3 Sep 08
I've been "engaged" twice, and I've ended both of those relationships. It IS very difficult. I hate hurting people I care about, and even if I'm breaking up with someone, I can't just STOP caring entirely.
I've been pretty cliche about what I've said, though. The first time I told the person that I would always care about him, but it just wasn't working out. We wanted different things, etc, etc. With the next guy, I really wasn't sure that I REALLY wanted to break it off-- it's just that the relationship was not very stable and unhealthy, so I was kind of like... "I just need some space." I told him that I needed time to think and grow on my own, and that we could still be friends and maybe later something more would happen again.
I don't know. I'm actually really inexperienced when it comes to relationships (and I WASN'T ready to be "engaged," I just didn't know what to say when they asked...it all felt more like playing at being adult than actually taking a mature step into adulthood...especially since I WAS still so young, and I still am). I think if I decide to break up with someone again, I'll try to do it differently. Because when you're breaking it off with someone, it should be BROKEN OFF. You can't go to be "just friends" right away. And you shouldn't leave the person thinking there's still a chance if there is none.
I kind of did that, and I still feel really bad about it. Like, there wasn't good closure. The one ex is still talking to me and trying to get me back-- I've never had that SPACE yet, and I feel like such a jerk for not being able to just say, hey, I'm not going to answer the phone anymore, I'm not going to hang out with you anymore-- because when I said we needed to cut things off, I meant it.
I'm kind of feeling guilty about it right now, I guess, which is why I am rambling on. It's just that I've learned (after finally being dumped myself) that someone trying to be nice about breaking up with you can end up hurting more, in the long run. Just be honest-- in a nice way, yes. Don't TRY to be hurtful. But don't try to sugarcoat it, either.
So, yeah. It is difficult. And it doesn't feel like I did it right. The main point is, neither person will be happy in a relationship that only one of them wants to be in, so even if it is difficult and does hurt them now, it will be better for everyone involved to end it.
1 person likes this
@meemingNEW (2226)
• Philippines
3 Sep 08
Wow. I really enjoyed and even learned things after reading your post to the discussion. This post. even if I'm breaking up with someone, I can't just STOP caring entirely I also feel the same. That's exactly what I'm going through right now. And I can very much relate what I'm experiencing now to what you have experienced before with your post.
... and you are right. It hurts more if you hide the truth longer rather than spilling it out upright. Yeah, it feels a bit selfish for me to hurt someone by telling him I don't want him anymore. that I don't want any connection with him. nothing at all. But its either you continue putting yourself in a prison-like situation or freeing yourself once and for all no matter how much it hurts you and the person/people involved?
Thanks so much!
1 person likes this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
4 Sep 08
Hi there bunzor!
I was in this situation a couple of times. It came to a point when I just fell out of love. I did not want to be unfair by pretending I still love the other person when in fact I do not. It was difficult, very difficult. But I had to do what is right.
1 person likes this
@darlenelove (80)
• Philippines
3 Sep 08
its very difficult. its just being honest...that its not the same anymore. and it fades to different level and being honest in the sense opening everything. that way...low tone discussions can open minds or can clear unsettled things. its about happiness. if you are not happy...let go .
@freakingman (239)
• Singapore
3 Sep 08
i simply was quite too shy to tell her out front. i worry about her feelings, and also the thought that we can never be the same again. so i tried to drop some hints here and there to let her understand. it does work as we are still friends at the end of the day.
anyway try not to hurt the other party. it is really cruel.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
3 Sep 08
I ended the relationship with my two older kids father but it was so long ago I couldnt even tell you how it happened..I just remember it was nasty!
1 person likes this
@kenjipaderan (5)
• Philippines
3 Sep 08
yes i know that my partner love me very much., but i dont knowhow much he loves me becoz he is far from me and im tired to listen , to wait him,im tired to call always for him.its difficult to understand y me alwys stay for him.
@callcenterchick (94)
•
3 Sep 08
we have to think first and let us see if our lives will be okay if we nare not together.
1 person likes this
@kaguvkov (1305)
• Davao, Philippines
3 Sep 08
You can end in any way. There is no more sense in having a relationship when one of you does not love each other anymore. It would be fine to explain to each other that everything will not work out in any case because one of you does not love each other and in that case you can split.
