Raising High Maintenance Children

United States
September 5, 2008 11:51pm CST
I have a 13 year old daughter who is very high maintenance. My other two children are easy going. I always dread clothes shopping with her because I know how picky she is going to be. I didn't raise her to care that her clothes were Hollister, Amercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, etc....but I guess society, along with kids at school, give her that attitude. She will not wear ANYTHING from Wal-Mart (even though the rest of us have no problems with it). If I find name brand clothes at a consignment shop or Ebay, I have to lie to her and say that I got it at the real store before she will wear it. Of course, she questions "where are the tags?" "when did you go to that store?" Oh, and the biggest burning question of all....."HOW MUCH DID IT COST???" This really grates on my nerves! I should mention that her dad and I divorced 7 years ago and although we have joint custody, she picks up attitudes from her now step-mother. I have tried and tried to put a stop to her behavior, but it's going nowhere fast. I am afraid of what things will be like when she turns 16. Everytime she is with me, my husband and her siblings, she always expects things to go a certain way for her....special priviledges, special treatment or demands that I can't meet. Without realizing it, perhaps I gave into her too much after the divorce and since her dad remarried. I find myself being afraid that if she doesn't like being with me, she always has another home to go to live (with her step-mother and dad). It's easier to say "fine....just go live there if you don't like it here", but I do believe divorce plays a part in the guilt that is sometimes felt. To make matter worse, her step-mother doesn't seem to understand that I am the Mom. She claims both of my 2 children from my first marriage as HER OWN. There is nothing wrong with treating them good and being there for them, but most of the time, I am having to remind her that I gave birth to these kids....NOT HER. It's not a great situation, I know, but it is a daily struggle I have to face. It wears on me....physically, mentally and in every other capacity. I couldd hang on to the hope that one day (in a few years) she will meet the man of her dreams and it will be HIS problem. But would I wish that on anyone? Even my worst enemy??? Can any of you relate to having a high maintenance child (or children) for whatever reason? What steps do you take to try to correct the selfish behavior they exhibit? For those who have raised children like this.....is there really hope? Do they ever realize that what they are doing is very self centered and isn't a very attractive characteristic?
1 person likes this
3 responses
@zeny_zion (1284)
• Philippines
6 Sep 08
it depends on how you discipline your kids. my daughter is also spoiled. i bought her all the best things even a grand vacation. but i always tell her that we can do that grand vacation or shopping if we have a budget for it. if not we dont have to shop or hava a grand vacation. my daughter understands it. thats why if she want something she will ask me if she can go shop. anyways, my daughter is not that really into shopping. she's into travel. hahaha more expensive. but she knows her limit.
@srhelmer (6933)
• Beaver Dam, Wisconsin
6 Sep 08
My daughter is four and is already a bit like that. She's very opinionated on what she wants to wear and do.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Sep 08
My kids arent High Maintenance at all by no means....I'll buy it if you dont like it dont wear it but they will keep wearing the old stuff. But the child is getting it from somewhere. Schools/Friends have a lot to do with it probably considering if you dont wear name brand stuff a child will get picked on or teased at school for wearing no name brand clothing. I used to be the same way but after a while it got old and i jsut wore whatever my mom bought and if i didnt like it then oh well id have to get over it and wear it anyways. Name brand clothing your not paying for the clothing your paying for the name on the clothing. So id give her a chioce either wear it or dont and until she can get a job and buy her own clothing then she'll wear whatever you buy her.
• United States
15 Sep 08
I agree....I guess that their friends and those around them really do have alot to do with what they want to wear. I just don't ever want my child or children growing up looking down on others who aren't "just like her" or who wear the same clothes. It's so superficial and I would be totally embarrassed to know that she has treated another person like that. I know some kids get that attitude from their parents, but I swear, I can't figure out where my daughter gets this shallowness from! Thank you all for your responses on this!