Bipolar and life around it...

United States
September 17, 2008 8:26am CST
I have spoken about being Bipolar and it is not a subject i feel anyone need be embarrassed by. Life happens and sometimes an imbalance comes along to really rock your world. Not just your world, but the world of loved ones, friends, people that you come in to contact with every day. I speak sometimes as if it were a socially acceptable disorder and for that, I may be remiss. I don't want someone walking up and down the street with a sign on them saying "Hi, I am Bipolar." A bit over the wall maybe but then... The fact is that it IS a part of our society today. I believe that the only way to curb some of the misconceptions of being Bipolar is to talk about it. Many times, those around us do not understand what it really is. I always say that what is not understood is feared and what is feared is attacked or shunned. I do not wish to be shunned nor attacked so I do my best to explain what I know about it to those I love and those I come into contact with often. It is hard sometimes because there are parts of it that even I do not always understand. The desire to be alone more often then with people is normally a given. I say normally because it should be understood that every single person is different and I do not want to lock someone in to thinking unless they act a certain way, they aren't Bipolar. The way to know best of course is to see your Doctor and talk to them. Whether you are manic or otherwise, that is something that you should do. But I open this discussion because i believe there are a great many people that wonder if they are or are not. I think there are a lot of questions unanswered for many that to be able to talk about it, sometimes opens up a world of knowledge to others. The knowledge that you are not alone in this world is in itself a calming factor. And you can not know you are not alone unless you see others that share in the same feelings that you have, I wish that I didn't feel the need to walk away from my family at gatherings so I could breathe. I would love to walk into a store and feel confident that I will make it through my shopping without finding myself leaving a full cart of items in an aisle, hoping it will still be there when I come back in because I needed air. I want for the whole world to be oblivious to my jerks or clicks as I walk through a crowd. I want my family to understand that I DO love them VERY much and that if I sometimes seem very distant, they did not make me feel this way. I want them to understand that these things I do, I can not help nor "Get over it." They are not something I do to draw attention to myself. I WANT THAT THE LEAST OF ALL. Something so simple as knowing you love me and are always there for me is the creating of a "safe" place for me. A place I feel I can be who i am and not worry that you are staring. If I make a funny sound or shake my head more often than the world thinks I should, that you will carry on with your day as if they never happened. Mood swings of seconds, minutes, Not hours in between or days are part of my life. Do you think I like going from Euphorically happy to wanting to go away sad within minutes? Walking into the bathroom smiling and coming out 2 minutes later, feeling as if I have let the entire world down is part of my life. YOU didn't do anything wrong or say the wrong thing. It just happened. This is my life. I LIKE who I am. I am not always happy with what I do or the 50 unfinished projects I have. Unfinished because that way you can not appraise my work as passed or failed yet. Some things I do not like when they happen, but it doesn't mean I do not like the person I am inside. Talking about it, writing about my days... it is therapuetic for me and maybe opens some eyes and hearts to this world of Bipoar. What do you think????
4 people like this
9 responses
@nina0220 (73)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
It feels so good to find somebody who speaks about bipolar the way you do. It is well written and i can definitely relate to everything you say. I was diagnosed ten years ago and has been trying to manage it with medication. I believe that my family have struggled enough to deal with me and I am trying hard enough to control the my mood swings that goes with it. I particularly feels sad about my son who is still very young to understand what I am going through and is often affected by my irrational behavior. I always try to make it up to him but it's an everyday struggle and sometimes it's really tiring. Lucky for me I have a family who supports and understands me in the best way they can. Here in our country, discussion about bipolar is not yet that open unlike in the US. Even going to the psychiatrist raises some questions and can cause some insecurities. Thanks for your discussion and god bless.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 08
Nina, thank you for the write here. It takes courage to talk about it sometimes. Though it is more open here, it is not widely accepted still by many. I even have family members that would rather believe it to be an evil spirit than to say that there may really be a medical issue here. I pray forr you and I am so happy that you have family to support you. As for your Son, as long as you show him the greatest of love, he will love you back. And if he never comes to understand it all he will still love you for you are his mother and the one that lo9ves him the greatest. Don't give up... Time has a way of making things better if we keep pushing forward. hugs, Darrel
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
Evil spirit?! Now that's funny... If there were potions to get it out of your system I would definitely take it! Well I guess, each and every person have their own struggle to go through. Some have heart disease, cancer, diabetes and others but it only means one thing. God will not give us something that we cannot handle. Thank you and welcome to mylot!
1 person likes this
@MOMMASAM (1004)
• United States
18 Sep 08
".. What do you think????" Well, I think this is an extremely well-written, first-hand account that describes my ex-husband very well. The last time I saw him was in san francisco 25 years ago. I left him as he so frightened me. I did not know the man he morphed into. Or, rather the list of characteristics he could easily oscillate between. At the time he began to exhibit behavioral and thinking problems, we simply thought it was stress related. He was, at that time, a fairly famous photographer and was setting up an exhibit in SF. It seemed to abate for some months. Then we took 10 students on a photographic field trip to the ocean. A beautiful opportunity to photograph some deep, thick fog on the water caused him to jump in the truck and leave. the fog was too intimidating to him. Hours normally spent developing film in the darkroom would expand into days. I believe he loved it there because it was dark and quiet and no one came around. He has been in and out of treatment facilities. His meds are finally regulated. This has been the sum result of 30 years. He can no longer photograph. He can no longer teach. Obviously there have been some great breakthroughs in the treatment of this condition. I only wish there had been something earlier in his life. Oh, his meds are regulated. But he still suffers with the symptoms. the fear and the mood swings. Working 60 hours on one negative print. this is a very difficult condition to watch, someone you love, struggle and live with. You and your family are champions ! Not just for bringing this condition to light, but contiuing to love and support each other. You write very well. Do you have a blog?
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12161)
• United States
18 Sep 08
Until Death Do We Meet - Book Authored by our friend Darrel. I can't wait until it arrives!!!
He has a beautiful blog Sam linked from his profile page. Sorry Darrel, I can't help but share. I laughed, I cried, I had feelings like none other!!! I'm so excited over the way he writes, I have ordered one of his books. I just wonder if I'll have to beg to get it autographed by the author!!!
@LadyMarissa (12161)
• United States
17 Sep 08
You ARE loved!!! And I promise NOT to stare!!!!!! I hope getting the word out & helping others to understand will help people understand what a day in the life of a Bipolar person is like. As I think I mentioned before, I suffer from depression, so I have a little understanding of what it is like to struggle to be what others consider to be normal & fight the feelings I'm having at the moment. I admire your openness & your desire to enlighten others. I think you might find a few willing to learn here!!! May God bless you on your journey!!!!!!
• United States
17 Sep 08
Thank you from my heart. There really is so much to learn and speaking out seems to be one of the better ways to do this. Again, I thank you so much for your words. Always, Darrel
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12161)
• United States
18 Sep 08
I can remember when people with depression were locked in their basements or a Mental Ward for fear of being found out. My cousin's wife was given shock treatments to get the Devil out of her. Knowledge is freedom in that once there is understanding, there will be less persecution!!! God bless you in your quest. I will be supporting you ALL the way!!!!!!
1 person likes this
@magojordan (3254)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
Thanks for posting this. Right now I know of someone who thinks that she is bipolar and whenever we talk on the phone most of the time she will just be sad all of a sudden and I really feel bad about that because I think that it was my fault why she suddenly becomes sad. Thanks for posting this now at least I know what to do next time.
• United States
18 Sep 08
I hope that my words and the words of others here do help to give a better understanding. If a person realizes it isnt them that is causing the issues, they are not so unsure and uncertain to reach out and help. Hugssss to you,,, Always, Darrel
• United States
17 Sep 08
God Bless you child. My best friend is Bi-Polar and she faces many of the same trials and tribulations you do each day. I have seen her cower down in my kitchen with her hands over her head crying like a baby and we never know why. She's walked out of a store and left her groceries on more than one occasion. She lived with me for about 6 months a few years ago right after she was diagnosed. It hurt to watch what she was going through as her Doctor tried to get her medication right. One time she started a new medication and barely got out of bed for 2 weeks! All I could do for her was be there for her when she was down and try to keep up with her when she was up. My house was the cleanest in the county when she was manic! You sound so much like her. I was (and still am) forever trying to convince her that I loved her and always would no matter what. She will always need that reinforcement from all the people in her life. And she has often talked about a "safe" place for herself. I can't tell you how many unfinished projects she left here when she moved. I always thought it was because she couldn't concentrate long enough to finish them. I understand better now. I'm glad you discovered writing. Even for us "normal" people, writing is therapeutic. Good Luck to you and yours.
• United States
17 Sep 08
thank you and God Bless you for your kind words. There are things that will possibly never be answered but one thing is for certain. I hope to make sure that at least they didn't go unanswered because there was no place to ask. That would be a sad thing. She sounds as if she is very much like myself. We maintain aqnd are the girl next door and the guy in the house next to you. We are loving and giving and we care for everyone in the world. It is hearts like yours that in fact give to us that "Safe" place she talked about. Thank you for your beautiful heart. Always, God Bless, Darrel
1 person likes this
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
17 Sep 08
I love you just the way you are! Having worked in a nursing home for 15 years,I can say I have seen what you go thru. for many years people would hide away fearing not being socialy, accepted. Is there one of us who can say we don't have something strange about us that may make someone in public say whats with that weirdo? My son had a friend in school who had Torrents and we treated him no different, we learned he would have a spell and be right back with us in a few min. I don't pretend to know your pain,happy on min. sad the next. crying one moment and wanting to embrace the world the next, but I have chosen you as my friend and accepted all that comes with you , be it in public or private, if you want to shake, rattle or roll I would just carry on as if nothing was wrong. xxhuggssssx
• United States
18 Sep 08
You are always wonderful to me and your friendship is a gift to my heart. I don't fear what you read will ever change your thoughts of me and I thank you for that. You may think that wouldn't happen but it in fact has and very recently. :( Just one is enough to make me want to go quiet and not say more for fear that I will lose the friendships dear to me. And as a Bipolar, ALL of them are dear. Hugs to you and I thank you so much for this; Always, Darrel X
• United States
17 Sep 08
Maybe I should recommend writing to my husband, he's bi-polar as well. I have a hard time dealing with it and understanding it. He was hospitalized recently and although he's been hospitalized before, this is the first time since we've been together. It turned our lives completely upside down. He lost his job due to some of the complications that followed and now we're having an even tougher time. I guess I just don't understand it and maybe I never will. I try to be as accommodating as possible, but sometimes I get frustrated because it doesn't seem to do any good.
• United States
17 Sep 08
I know that at times it seems totally impossible to make things right when dealing with someone that is manic. It seems the harder you try, the further away they pull. But know this, your heart is giood and that you have stayed with him and tried already makes you a "safe" place and hero in his eyes. he may not always know howto convey it to you but he will do everything he can to show you. God Bless you and watch over you. You are a wonderful lady. Thank you for writing.
• United States
18 Sep 08
im bipolar and my hubby and best friend are also and even though bipolar is a pain to deal with im glad we have that in common to where we can understand each other and not be judgmental like other people that are ignorant to this disorder.. im sick of people that think we are crazy and going to go murder people or go off on people.. im totally medicated and totally normal so its insulting ya know?? but i think there are some good things about being bipolar.. we seem to have a higher iq and more empathic.. probably a reason why its hard to deal with things since we understand more and since the worlds a crazy place it tends to get people down.. but i too am not ashamed about being bipolar.. its always interesting!! i just wish others weren't so ignorant to it and some determined to stay that way i also too think that people cant understand what they dont know which is why im open about all my health problems.. i figure how are they to know why i dont do certain activities if they dont know the real reason behind it..
@sam1987b (64)
17 Sep 08
just because a person has bipolar it doesnt mean that they are any different rom any other human being.