"comforting a friend"

United States
September 19, 2008 1:10pm CST
I was on the phone for almost 4 hours yesterday talking to a good friend who has a problem in her marriage life this time.. As much as I want to Mylot and earn, I also can't ignore her because I know even with our distance I can be a great help by listening to her! I let her talk and talk about it and then give her a piece of advice and I can't believe that for 4 hours, our topic was revolving about the issue! I am glad though that I was able to fulfill my role as a friend! How often do you encounter the same situation? are you there all the time for your friend, no matter how you want to accomplish something? or have you tried avoiding your friend because of your duty at work or in your house?
7 people like this
35 responses
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
20 Sep 08
Hi che. I've always been there all the time for a friend. No matter what I'm doing, talking and helping a friend in need is most important to me. And they do that to me also. I'm glad that there are people like you who always lend a helping hand. Keep it up! HUGZ!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 08
[i]Hi dhangski, Ohh..I know that you're a sweet friend! That's why you are also blessed with a great friend! I hope you are doing great, didn't hear from you for a while![/i]
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
Hi che. I was busy with my kids this past days. But I do always log in here, I just don't respond more. In other words, bored. LOL.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 08
Ohh...just take a break and enjoy! Maybe you miss your BFO! He mentioned in one of my post that he also miss you time chatting!
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
19 Sep 08
Oh!! how sad. yes, it happened to me many times that I even used the loud speaker of my phone because I am online when my friend called and I can't hold it while I am typing. I have a friend who always called me when she and her husband would have an argument. yes, when it is something serious, I will stop my work and listen to her. I also give her some reminders that she should adjust and stop comparing herself to others who are what she said,,,, happy in their marriage and that she is not. Sometimes I am fed up but I still listen to her and tell her to just don't mind it. I always tell her that there is no perfect marriages, and that she has to face reality and live with it as long as she is not under violence. Argument is always normal and those are just spices of married life. I'm glad that she did not call now for to report about her marriage. she called once in a while to share with me their outing as family and etc.
• United States
23 Sep 08
[i]Hi Bebs, Ohh..we have the same role then..LOL! This friend of mine is younger than me so I just consider her as adjusting a lot! ANyway, I am like that too, I am very positive in life and I always encourage friends to be the same since it is hard to be very emotional here with non sense! I hope she will lessen her calling since we end up talking the same thing abou[/i]t her!
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10691)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Hi Che, I admire you a lot because you are different from other Filipina I know who also married with, someone like what we have now. I can tell that they are marrying for something? I mean not really committed for marriage. Maybe they think that when they were here int his country they will become princess?then they tend to compare to others that why so and so, is like this and like that, and why me not? hahahaha!! wrong concept of marriage. And I tell you what? ladies who are like you very positive in any situation you are in, has the most probable success. I can see that in you. good luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 08
[i]wow...thanks Bebs! I agree with what you have said and that is what is hard about them, they have so much expectations and never think that here, people work hard and more stress than the working people in our Country... ANyway,they just need to pray I guess and be real that there is no short cut in life..LOL! We are even blessed to have this person who loves us and our Family![/i]
@cupid74 (11397)
• Pakistan
20 Sep 08
Hi Checa Hope u must be doing well, all i would say that u did right things and its so nice of U, but 4 hours is really too much time on phone, if i hold phone for more than 15 mins, my hand get tired. my ear start aching. but u did marvellous Sure i always have time for friends, as its saying , Friend in NEED is friend indeed" Take care
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 08
[i]Hi cupid, I am great here...thanks! I agree, it was not comfortable and I just turned on the speaker so that I don't need to hold it anymore! ANyway, I am glad that in a way, I was able to make her feel better![/i]
@cupid74 (11397)
• Pakistan
24 Sep 08
Oh u r right i just forgot that now its option of Loud speaker in phone So It was NOT THAT BAD Take care
@ailema4ever (2675)
• Finland
19 Sep 08
Well, usually I'll spend time with a friend who really needs me, but if there's something VERY urgent that I need to do, then I'll just say to my friend that I'll call her back to continue our conversation after I deal with that urgent situation. However, I don't like to deal with people with "victim" mentality too often as they drain my energy and they ruin my mood. These types of people complain too much and they think they're in worse conditions than others.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Sep 08
[i]Hi ailema, I know what you mean, like a pessimistic individual..I have a friend like that in College and oftentimes, I will give her a sermon because all what she see is the negative stuff and great thing is that she will listen to me....[/i]
• Finland
19 Sep 08
GLAD to hear that she listens to you!!! :-)))) I once also reprimanded a friend 'coz of this reason he he he...
@subha12 (18463)
• India
23 Sep 08
i used to be like this. let me confess here. but now i have stopped believing friends like that way.one friend whom i used to think as my best friend just took advantage of me. he cheated me big time and also behaved very very badly. so i do not believe someone as friend now.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 08
[i]Hi subha, ohhh..I know and I understand the feeling..I experienced that too but good thing is that I have so many great friends aside of her so! I hope you will find the sincere and great friend![/i]
@nengs10 (3189)
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
I like to comfort my friends as well. Since they are dear to me, I always am a good listener and adviser to them. Being their confidante, I feel like I have the responsibility to comfort them and be with them when they're not feeling good.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 08
[i]Hi nengs, Wow..that is great! I have that feeling also and I know that when it will be my time to need them, they are there always for advises and opinions for me![/i]
@youless (84615)
• Guangzhou, China
23 Sep 08
4 hours for a call seems to be quite a long time for me. We seldom talk in the phone for so long time. In fact today my friends and I don't often call each other because our children are little. We are all considerate and know how busy we will be at night because of it. Whereas in daytime we have to work and this is why we don't often call each other. Sometimes we will send SMS or email to each other. If my good friends need me, I will be there for sure. I love China
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 08
[i]Hi youless, yea...it was very long conversation...we are both childless so, maybe she thinks that I have all the time to talk to her..LOL! But, she has no idea that I really want to mylot..LOL! ANyway, no regrets, I was able to help her feel better[/i]!
@neildc (16935)
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
If one or both of us, my BOF have problems with our families or partners, we spend time to talk about it. We are always chatting at nights talking small things to big things, everything. But I am really really sad that my time getting online for the past weeks are so limited that we almost lost communication.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 08
[i]Hi neildc, Nice to hear from you..I was inactive for the past few days and I didn't see you and your BOF..I will try to visit your profile maybe I am missing some of your post.. ANyway, I know how hard is that but hopefully, that problem will be answered soon like you will find a second job which has an access to the internet! ANyway, just be strong, that is life and as long as we will always include our friends in our prayers, I am sure they will feel it too![/i]
@hellcowboy (7383)
• United States
22 Sep 08
I am glad to hear that you spent the time on the phone trying to help your friend with her problem,because we always have to help people whenever we can,I do enjoy mylotting and it is the way me and my fiance make our money right now,but if my fiance wanted to talk to me,I would stop mylotting and talk to her,just like if one of our friends were to call up,and want to talk to me because they have a problem I would take the time to talk to them until I can help them,just like I know my fiance would do the same.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 08
H[i]i hellcowboy, I also love I chose to stop working online just to talk to her since she has a very huge problem and truly, it is a great feeling when we can help someone even my just listening to them![/i]
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
You reminded me of the time when my room mate got terminated from her job... i was so shocked when i found out... i called in sick to my part time job just to be able to comfort her because she was so upset... i lost some money that i could have earned if i worked that night... but i had to to be there for her... and i did not ever regert doing what i had to do...
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Sep 08
[i]Hi aseretdd, Wow..that was very kind and great of you! I know that in times like this, people need to have someone to lean on and talk with and I would say, lucky for the people who have friends who are there for them![/i]
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
Nature had given us two ears, two eyes and but one tongue- to the end that we should hear and see more than we speak - socrates You will never can call anyone a friend if they don't know how to listen. Give advices but never decide for him/her. He/She is capable of solving her/his own problem. Always speak... not on his/her behalf, but always give the other side of the coin. Sympathize but not too much enough to make him/her feel that you are on his/her side.
• United States
23 Sep 08
Hi real, thanks for sharing this wonderful message!
@bombshell (11268)
• Germany
20 Sep 08
yes i am the same like you.i dont care the other things if my closed or good friends needs to talk to me.thats whats friends are for right?good girl Che.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 08
I agree bombshell, we really need to be there for them all the time because we don't know what are they going to do when they are very depressed and no one to talk with!
• United States
20 Sep 08
I use to spend hours on the phone talking to a special friend. But since I moved I haven't talked to her in nine years. I know shes o.k. because that is the type of person she is. We have been friends since 1971 to 1999. My mother and her mother grew up being friends. I miss her, and I'm mad at her for not being there when I needed her.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 08
Hi patricia, wow..that was long time already, how if you will send her a text? Anyway, with those number of years being friend, I am sure she is still thinking and wishing to meet you!
• United States
20 Sep 08
Thank goodness I have DSL and my phone line is not tied up with the dial up Internet crap anymore! I have friends and family that call often to discuss problems and the many things that go on in our day-to-day life. Having a good ear and listening to your friends is what makes you a friend. Isn't it a blessing to have friends that are there for you, no matter what? I plan to always try and be here for my friends 24/7 and hope in my heart that they feel the same way toward me.
• United States
20 Sep 08
[i]Hi Walker, I am sure when you are there with them, they will always remember that and will be there for you always! [/i]
@gemini_rose (16194)
20 Sep 08
I have been in this situation quite a few times over the years, spending time with a friend to help solve personal issues. Quite a lot of housework has been neglected because of it, but to me that is what friends do, I could not turn my back on a friend in distress all because a bit of dust needs to be cleaned or a basketful of washing needs to be done, those things can all wait another day.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Sep 08
[i]Hi gemini, Correct, I was thinking how if I just ignore the phone and she has no one to talk with, I do know what is she going to do...I am glad that she trusted me also to talk about those problems..I am praying for her, she is in a very tough situation...Anyway, this is life! Thanks for sharing![/i]
@hotsummer (10300)
• Philippines
20 Sep 08
i usually listen to friends when they need some one to talk to. but that does not mean that i will always put up with them when this thing become a recurrent one. but if they don't change if they keep talking so many things about their problems that they are going to disturb my normal life that i will not any more be that willing to keep listening to what ever they are going to say .
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 08
That is also your opinion hotsummer and i understand that, I know how irritating it is when the problem seems to be endless!
@comfort55 (1574)
• India
20 Sep 08
Hi Checapricorn, its not my friend but my younger sister whose husband is not doing well financially. My husband and I all the way went to her place(its 14 hours journey by train) to listen to her woes and offer her help if we can. She was pleased about this but somehow I found that her hubby is lazy and doesn't want to work hard. Now I've started thinking on this point how to take him out of his shell. This is really bugging me because as far as work opportunity is concerned, we are offering them but what can we do about a peron who is lazy?
• United States
24 Sep 08
H[i]I comfort, wow..that is very sad! maybe her husband would like your sister to work for the family? I heard a lot of stories like that and girls tend to be the breadwinner..I hope this guy will grow up, he is being very unfair to his wife![/i]
@gracie04 (4556)
• Philippines
20 Sep 08
indeed, you're a good friend... =) yeah, it happens most of the time.. my friends come to me and ask for a piece of advice.. i give them my time in spite of a toxic sched... =) that's what "true" friends are for...
• United States
24 Sep 08
[i]Hi gracie, Correct...we will not have those friends bothering us if the don't see in us that they can trust us![/i]
@secretbear (19472)
• Philippines
20 Sep 08
hi che! that was really nice of you to have spent four hours on the phone with your friend. myLot is not the only thing in our world so its good to spent time on other things and to people such as our friends and family and other love ones. we play not only the role of a myLotter but we are also a friend, a daughter, a mother, a cousin, a girlfriend, etcetera. we play a lot of roles in our life and we have the responsibilities to play those roles. its good the you gave her the time and listen to her problems. it shows that you're really a friend and you played your role. there hasn't been any major problems with my friends lately but i do give them time when they need me. i go out with friends, hang out with them, spend time with them. especially during weekdays after work. at weekends though, i find it hard to go out and hang out with friends. i always feel like staying at home. but i always entertain calls from friends.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 08
[i]Hi secretbear, Yea..I agree with all those roles that we play in life..We are really amazing to play all of those and it very satisfying also to help even if I don't say any words, just mere listening![/i]
• United States
19 Sep 08
no, I am always there for my friends and family! I don't have a ton of friends because I keep myself busy with the ones I have and my sisters and brother. Thats enough to keep my occupies I don't want to have more then I can handle
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 08
H[i]I Rachel, That is also the reason why i am not adding more because i have so much already and when they will call me at once, i will be in trouble...I will not accomplish anything at home![/i]