i really dont know what to do!!!please HELP
By carmela0210
@carmela0210 (1591)
Philippines
September 24, 2008 6:53am CST
At work im under the supervision of my father's friend, or i can't really tell how he is related to my father but they seem to be close, so because they are friends im relaxed in terms of work, and i became close to him eventually, i looked at him as my second father, and i always tease him as daddy cause his son is cute and i told him im willing to be his daughter-in-law, so i really dont give malice on her treatment to me, but 1 night he called me to come to NIPA HUT, a restaurant in our place, he said he is starving and wants to eat, and he needs company cause its very lonely to eat alone. (His family is miles away from him, he/we is working in the city). So i eventually go with him, we did this many times already dining/lunching out, sometimes with our fellow co-workers or sometimes only the two of us, for me there's no malice knowing that he is old enough to be my father, and i even call him tatay, and after we eat, he talks to me, like the normal thing that happens after dinner, then he hold my hands and said he wants me to go with him to TACLOBAN,(a city in leyte, 200+ km from here) and he said he wants to spend time with me,i said nothing. Until i ask him that im going home. Now i really dont know what to do, its as if i dont have trust on him anymore and respect too, and it really affect my job already, what should i do??should i resign??talk to him??note* its as if nothing happens, he never discussed what he have said to me anymore.
please help me my co-mylotters
2 people like this
13 responses
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
sounds weird but i think he has the hots for you. i think beforethings go out of hand, you should already resign and seeing how it can be uncomfortable to be at work in his presence i am sure your every move is being watched too.
not that i am giving malice but for him to hold your hand, to want you to go to a province with him would mean he is really up to something. i would suggest you not to do anything stupid as to be with him alone anymore. this just is giving him the wrong signal that you are actually willing to be part of the game.
1 person likes this
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Well you have to let him know IMMEDIATLY that you aren't interested in him like that; and you never have been/never will be. You can't give him any time to think that you are. Be firm about it; but not mean. Maybe he just misread your guys previous close relationship; let him know what you thought about it!
Good luck!!!
*If he does start pushing more about it, and being innapropriate in any way after he knows you aren't interested the least you should do is tell your father.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4709)
• Germany
24 Sep 08
Yes that can be a hard situation.
You don't trust him anymore and have no more respect.
I can understand this.
But, you must tell him how you feel.
When you say nothing , he thinks you like him.
I would not resign.
Just, try and tell him you are not interested in him.
And don't go out with him anymore, unless there are other
co-workers with you.
You have to let him where he stands or he will keep after
you.
Tell him you are not interested in him as a boy friend.
If he does not listen, tell your Father about what is going on.
(or your mother)
Don't let him influence your life.
Take control!
Success.
@carmela0210 (1591)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
thank you for that very good advice, maybe if not close to him this is just easy, i even look at him as a father,, maybe in this kind of situation i should be brave and fight for this!!i love my job and i dont want to quit it, maybe ill ask my father to tell our boss to assign me in a different area or department, maybe it would be the best decision to make, but im just afraid my co-workers would find it odd cause they know i love my job right now and enjoys it so much.
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4709)
• Germany
26 Sep 08
Yes you should be brave and fight for it.
You did not do anything wrong.
Stop punishing yourself, keep your job that you love so much.
And stay normal to this man.
Because nothing has happened, he tried that is all.
Cannot blame a man for trying.LOL!
There will be many men in your life who will try to get you interested.
This does not mean you have to change your job, this means you have
to speak up and tell them how you feel.
Going out does not mean you got married.
Take care, good luck.
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
25 Sep 08
If I am in your situation, I will not go with him alone anymore. If ever he wants to go out with you, you must have other company. It is obvious now that he has another plan for you. I know it bothers you specially that you are working in same office. He is a married man, you must avoid him. If it's hard for you to do that because you are in same office, it is now your high time to decide. Whether you will continue working with him and might commit sin later and ruin your future or quit your job and save yourself from danger. You can also tell him that, he is like a father to you and you respect him for that. And when he said, he wants to spend time with you in Tacloban? It is a bad signal. A warning for you to stay away from him. As early as possible protect yourself.
@carmela0210 (1591)
• Philippines
27 Sep 08
yeah i didnt go out with him anymore, after the time that he hold my hands and offers me to go with him to the city, and i dont even give him a chance of talking to me, or just being near to me. Even at work i see to it that i wont be alone, i always stay beside with my officemate.
1 person likes this
@divinegwapa (914)
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
The best thing to do is seek advice from a mature and trusted friend. If you have a good relationship with your mom, you talk to her about it too. And you should talk to him to put closure to what happened. But before you talk to him get as many advice as you can. You don't want to mess it up, right?
Good luck friend! I hope everything will be settled.
@chiaeugene (2225)
• China
25 Sep 08
i do not know if you had sent some wrong signals to him or maybe your actions spur him on. If not, one who has a clear head would not want to have any design on his good friend's daughter. It would ruin their relationship. What more, he should be old enough to be your father and i guess he ought to be mature enough to know what he is doing. Making all these indecent proposal appears odd to me. You mentioned he has a family and he is putting his family life at risk by trying to hook up with you. Somehow, i find it incredible to believe one would do so. that is my opinion only..
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
24 Sep 08
i will have a serious talk with him and tell him firmly that i am not interested with him and our relationship is strictly professional... which means only work-related... if he keeps on disturbing me and i don't feel safe working in that company with him around anymore, then i will just resign... take care and have a nice day...
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
24 Sep 08
[i]Hi carmela,
Just set or draw a line between you..Do not trust him ever and do not go out with him again, since he is not talking about it, maybe he have some reflections already, maybe he was just carried away that time...and now he has some regrets...
If I were you, I will not resign but maybe asked to be transferred in another department but I will never leave my job and if getting another assignment is hard then I will have to continue my work but will not treat and trust him the same way![/i]
@Linda4ualways (2282)
• United States
24 Sep 08
It sounds to me carmela that he wants to further your relationship with him and I feel that you should not allow that to happen. First of all he is your boss, secondly he is most likely too old for you, thirdly having a relationship where you work is not the wisest thing to do. I once worked for this guy at one of the local schools here and he wanted to take me out on a "date" and i simply told him that I wouldn't feel right doing that and that was the end of it.
Don't start something that you may regret in the end. Take care and God Bless!
@ja_gwen (55)
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
You can say to him straight in a respectful manner that you don't like him, and you treat him as your second dad. in terms of work, you can try to be professional, or if you are really not comfortable anymore, you can try to work somewhere else, just don't leave any work hanging on your office, or try to end everything first.
@gracie04 (4549)
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
Indecent proposal? well, its pretty obvious that he wants something from you. that best thing you can do is reject the offer and tell him how you really feel, but of course talk to him in a nice way. let him know that you are not comfortable anymore. lunch is okay but going on an out-of-town trip just the two of you? a big no.. i am certain your father wouldn't allow you to go if he finds out..but of course, don't tell your dad yet because it might lead to a worse scenario..
@deathvans (301)
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
Well, let's see... You do know him better right, how he moves, how he acts, so it's better to tell him now.. That you're not interested on him.. or else.. you might ended up on the edge.. Did you told your parents about this? I bet not.. Cause your afraid, If you did told it to them, you knew what will be the consequence, and what will happened.. But if not.. it's better to talk to that man.. And say NO, if he insist, tell it immediately to your parent, you said he wants to take with him in TACLOBAN?
"alam mo day, wag ka ng mag patumpik-tumpik pa, gusto mong magalet si roffa sayo?, baka maya tawagin nya pa si rechard, hala ko day, madedo ka nyan, pag ayaw mo day, sabihin mo, ikaw den, baka mag seseka, hehe.." I'm Visaya you know, hehe.. Just kidding.. hehe.. You can find a lot of work out there, so don't stick to that person anymore, not unless that you have some feelings for him too.. But that's ridiculous.. Just cut the crap out on him.. You don't want to mess another family do you..? Find another work, that's the key.. ^_^ have a nice day, happy MyLotting.. ^_^
@summersatine (85)
•
25 Sep 08
carmela, dont be offended if am going to tell you that you have put yourself into a wrong situation..the way you treat him may have been giving him a wrong notion. Why? because no man could ever dare to ask you if in the first place, you have treat him in professional way. okey, lets face the fact that he is a family friend. Did he ever treat you the same way? you treat him like your tatay or even kid him that you want to be her daughter-in-law -- did he ever give some comment about that? the way you ACT give him an idea that you're FLIRTING him. sometimes we need to be very careful the way we act. Another thing, if you do not want to get involve with him, try to find another job. Thats the best solution you can do to avoid the situation. there are lots of job out there. And dont be afraid to let other people know the way he treat you. This might be open up his dirty mind that you are serious about NOT getting involve with him. Lastly, think every time you open mouth, because what we say is what we usually do. DONT FORGRET TO PRAY TO GOD FOR GUIDANCE.. Goodluck!
