Feeling Alone and Helpless

@fury2525 (139)
United States
October 26, 2008 7:59pm CST
Have you ever woke up and felt you were alone, even though you might be happily with someone in your life, children or pets? What i am talking about is When you have tried all avenues toward a goal and you seen wall after wall be put up in your way. I have tried for many years to get a home, i do not want riches or a big house. I just want a home like my grandparents had one that was full of love and you felt safe in. I have wanted this since i was 11. I have been renting since i was 19 and i am 50 now. I went through 2 bad abusive marriages, not a good relationship with my only child who is a adult now. Within two yrs i lost two beloved pets. One was just lost in aug, i thought it would destroy me, i am far from being over it, whether you lose a friend, family or pet. I feel you never get over it, it just gets easier to deal with. The system in this country doesn't try to help those like me who fall in btw the cracks, as they say. I am too young for ssi. Doesn't matter that i cannot work either physically like i used to or that the mental issues keep me from being around people. System feels no matter whats wrong with you theres a job out there for you, I have looked for quite a few yrs for this so called job they say is out there. I have 96 college hours and 17 yrs in a office, only reason im not still at the last job was it was downsized. I raised a son all by myself with no help like they offer now. And he was disabled, section 8 did little to help me. Now there is Extreme Home makeover show where if you or your children are disabled, or your house burned down, or you were in katrina, or need i go on. My son is now 22, im 50. Only help i get is food stamps. I cannot even get ssi, I have a long list of health issues all documented for what good it does. When are people going to help their own in their own country? We have always helped others but few have helped us when we needed aid. I need help really bad, my finacee is 41 and disabled due to uncontrolled epilespy and he is on ssi, we cannot survive on his salary, nor could anyone even if they were alone. Let me take part of that back, if you don't mind living in roach infested, drug areas,rape, killings. There are places. I have tried to be a good person for what good it does me, oh i know what goal im working for that, but who helps us? Seems you have to be young, unmarried and have kids or be a minority to get any help. I know that from first hand i was told by a case worker, what it would take for me to get help. I have friends in other states who cannot believe how poor my state must be to not have any programs to help people. Oh and vocational rehab offered to help me, and said by their standards i am disabled. They gave me two days of training of how to write a resume, and i got paid for it. Their way of help was to send me back to school again. Here i am using a scooter to get around with, only at the stores that have one.i have one arm i can barely raise up or use, and i am supposed to go to a large campus with no car and get the rest of my degree. I said ok lets say i somehow by the grace of God was able to do this, can you guarantee me job? No, he says. I know people in my town with masters who are working at mcdonalds. Need i say more? I have gone now 3 yrs with blurred vision, and gotten no help from this clinic, eye doctors say nothings wrong with me, i know i have some meds that cause this, i tell them that and i am ignored. I used to have more faith in my fellow man, til the time came when i was being beat up by one of my exs (husband at time) large crowd gathered but no one said stop!!! I felt like i was in NYC or somewhere big like that. I have a small family, only one sibling, we live like a few blocks away we never see each other. She works, at a big job and also they have her work at home too. But recently i asked for just 30 mins of her time to come over. I didnt feel it was much to ask for esp out of a full yr. or years i should say. It seems there is very little compassion left in this world, i have given away lots of things just because i knew others needed it worse than me. I know there are others worse off than me, i have friends like me who cannot get help either. How is this world going to survive? Lish in Ky
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