How do you talk to your children about fitting in?
By Earthmum
@Earthmum (15)
Canada
October 27, 2008 9:03am CST
I am a rather alternative type that used to be very goth/punk when I was younger. Since having children I have really toned down to fit in with all the other parents in the schoolyard (so my children can have playdates and their parents won't worry that our house is 'weird'). I expose my children to a variety of music, art, film, poetry, print, everything. This week end all of the other children were going to see High School Musical 3. So we went too. My kids didn't love it, but at least they've seen it. Whenever we talk about fitting in, the scope is a little broader than "It's OK for a basketball star to like to sing and dance as long as it's really bad mainstream pop." We talk about looking beyond clothes and labels and seeing what is really inside a person...
Does anyone else have a similar view?
4 responses
@shymurl (2765)
• United States
27 Oct 08
I am one who is alays different. I never try to fit in with the other parents and believe it or not a lot of them respect that and I get along with a lot of them. I try to teach my children to just be who you are, people will either like you or hate you. Its just the way life is. Trying to impress someone and then finding out thats not who you really are makes people resent you more. I'm straight forward with my children and they like that and we are close for being being that way.
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
27 Oct 08
a lot of them respect that and I get along with a lot of them
Yea that is so true...its like that with me too..and all the kids love me..many of them call me "mom" which is cool LOL they know they can trust me, talk to me, hang with me, be themselves around me and so on..most of the parents really appreciate that...of course there are those few who suck as parents to begin with so someone like me is like salt in the wound and it doesnt go over to well 
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
27 Oct 08
Since having children I have really toned down to fit in with all the other parents in the schoolyard (so my children can have playdates and their parents won't worry that our house is 'weird').
I"m a very alternative type from my music choices to my relationships to how i parent to my spiritual choices etc etc and I'll ALWAYS be that way...Even after having kids I didnt change who i am and what I'm about BUT I'm also a very friendly person that others seem to be drawn to so that works in my favour ya know...
How dO i talk to my kids about it all....I just have always told them and encouraged them to be themselves and those who can't or won't accept them arent ppl they would want in their lives anyway..As long as they are true to themselves and are kind good ppl then thats all that matters....Both my kids are teens now and though there have been trying times (comes with the territory of growing up) it's worked out very well for them..
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
27 Oct 08
Sadly the majority DO grow up and forget..not only what its like to be an individual but what its like to look at the world with childlike wonder and to laugh pure and life completely from the inside out ya know...I tried doing that for yrs thanks to conditioning in my childhood but once I took my life back I got back to me, being me, loving me, hell sometimes getting a right crazy kick outta me LOL...and I want my kids to feel that freedom too....I dont want them to be "mindless robots" as my oldest has worded it several times over the yrs LOL
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
27 Oct 08
I dont try to get my kids to fit in. I want them to be themselves and express themself however they want. For example, I have an 8 yr old daughter. All of her friends are excited because next year they can start cheerleading. She is not interested at all. She would rather play football. So that is what she will do. It was interesting hearing her friend talk about how exciting it will be to cheer for her friend rather than for the boys:) I would rather my kids have friends who like them for who they truely are, not who they are trying to be to fit in.
@janmariel (1)
• Philippines
28 Oct 08
I'm a mom of 3, my eldest is 9 yrs old. it's very important to all children that they fit in the society they belong to. However, their personality or their being must not be compromised. Or they will not turn a bad egg because of it. A child with a good foundation will fit in esp. when he or she is exposed socially.
As a mother, I build their self-esteem and respect their own persona. What I do is I try to expose them to different kinds of people. I try also to expose them to things they need to know like toys, computer, cellphones even food. So that they won't be naive. And lastly, I always give them advise whenever they need it esp. on who to be friends with, what clothes to wear, etc. It's nice to be a mom!
