How complicated do you think love is?

Russian Federation
November 12, 2008 4:07am CST
I've been hung up on a married man for quite some time...more than 2 years, and 2 boyfriends. We never did anything bad, we are just really good friends, we write each other all the time (we used to work together, now he lives in a different city). We tell each other things we can't tell anyone else. Nothing really inappropriate has happened beyond that except he did tell me once he has fantasized about me, but in the context of, like, he thinks its impossible to see a woman every day and not have a fantasy. I felt something the moment I met him, and even though I know I will never be with him, I think I will have this for the rest of my life. I think I just have to accept that I will have this and then I will have my other relationships (boyfriends, eventually husband, etc.). I think that's how it probably is for a lot of people...love is not perfect, you can't choose to love just one person if others come along... and you just have to live with it.
2 people like this
4 responses
• Spain
12 Nov 08
Love is very complicated I think and it's true you can't help for who you fall in love with. You know that he is married even thou you like him I don't think you wan't to go down that road. It's been two years and I think you need to try and forget him carry on with your own life, mabey when you do meet somone you might forget about him and you might not? But hes married so his life is carrying on but what about you,don't you deserve better than that? Sometimes is the people that you can't have you feel like you want more, I hope this helps you in any way
1 person likes this
• Russian Federation
12 Nov 08
Yeah...you know, when he moved away, when he quit, I really thought "this is my chance to get my life back." I mean, we worked very closely at our former job (I've since left also) and I thought that was part of the problem. Well, it's just the opposite. I literally didn't write him after he left and all of a sudden he started writing me...and telling me he wanted to be friends, more than just work friends... and now we really are. I had a really bad reaction when he quit and later I apologized and said I don't want to be inappropriate, I just will really miss him, etc. and he was like "I know exactly how you feel and don't doubt for a minute that I don't feel the exact same way about you." I do feel like we need each other. But on the other hand, if my boyfriend found out and told me to stop I would, because it is unfair to him. I think some people who sort of understand my situation think I should just wait until a boyfriend comes along that will make me want to do that on my own...but then I fear I will never get married. I've been in the dating game for 10 years now, maybe more, and there has been no one like this guy (the married one I mean!).
1 person likes this
@ronreyes (4724)
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
I agree that love is very complicated. That thought applies when a certain relationship turns sour. If you love too much, then you'll surely feel love's complication.
@jolope (988)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
love is sometimes a matter of choice.. a person should totally decide because we are equipped with a functioning heart and brain.. so i would say that love is not complicated..some people just dont want to understand it so they wont have to solve it.. but i beg to disagree..love is perfect..love is absolute..but a human being isnt..
1 person likes this
@ronreyes (4724)
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
I agree that human beings aren't perfect. However, you said love is perfect. I guess I have to disagree with that one. Love is created by human beings - it is our feeling, and since human beings aren't perfect, obviously the love we create for ourselves and for each and every one in this world cannot be perfect.
@chaime (1153)
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
well... Love can be quite complicated, oh yes it can. Love is not perfect you're definitely right about that. And it can be more complicated and more imperfect if we want it to be but it can also be simple and perfect just the way you want it to be. You just have to make it so. Believe that love is always about choices, choices you and you're eventual partner will make. You say you are hung up on this guy.. well then unhung yourself.. I mean... yes of course its easier said than done. Your first step is to believe that you can do it. Then accept that this guy is married and that you cannot be together. Go out.. have a date and stuff. Maybe your best deal is to picture this guy with his wife, of course you cannot believe that they do not 'spend time' together if you catch my drift, another is, maybe just for the mean time.. to cut your 'friendship' with him so that you can start to move on, unless you start to do this you will never 'get over' and you'll find yourself always hung over him. Believe me, I've been there before. Not with a married guy but with an ex- who I can't seem to get over, he was always friendly, we will call each other, still talk and stuff and no matter what I do I can't seem to get over him until I decided that enough is enough. I cut all ties with him and then I started dating again and eventually found my own husband. He is still my 'friend' were friends at friendster and facebook, I would occasionally send him chain emails even a hi and hello but that's it... and I learned to not be hung over him and I'm happy now where I am... I know that he will always have a special place in my heart and all those cr@p but I am living my life and not letting it affect my own relationship with my hubby. ^_^
@ronreyes (4724)
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
A Complicated Love - A photo showing a messy and complicated love.
I would have to say love is easy to feel, easy to achieve, easy to encounter, easy to partake. However, if you love someone so much, it could be very hard and complicated to let go of that feeling. I don't want to sound like a love expert or anything but my advice is not to love too much because you might end up being the one who will suffer in the end when it all turns sour. Yeah I know it's a cliche but that's how it works. Complicated - difficult or convoluted. Love - an intense feeling of affection and care towards another person. Let peace reign. Let love rule.