Any suggestions on how to get rid of insecurities?

Philippines
November 14, 2008 12:11pm CST
Me and my bf have been together for more then 6 years. We also have already experienced living together. Even though I know how much he loves me, I still can't help but feel insecure of myself. He doesn't pay any interest in other girls that he sees that passes by us when we go out. So, why do I still feel insecure. Whenever we're out together and I see a very attractive woman, I always tend to feel insecure. I would usually say to myself that why am I not that pretty? or why am I not that sexy? will my bf leave me in the future if i become fatter or if i loose the slim figure that i have right now? i know that he won't do that because i know how much he loves me and how sincere he really is. he even wants me to gain a little weight so that other guys won't check me out anymore coz it makes him a bit jealous when they do hehe. I know it sometimes annoys him when i start to feel insecure of myself. it sometimes makes him angry too. and i really don't want him to end up breaking up with me just because of this. i know most people would just say, look on the bright side and stop being so negative. but i really would appreciate any suggestions in more detail on how to get rid or at least minimize my feeling of insecurity. please don't post a response if you're only going to say something mean.
7 responses
• Canada
18 Nov 08
No offense but for me I can tell why you feel that is because you are lack of self confidence. Seems you need self esteem and bring out that confience in you. Some people are really like so you are not alone, but you'll have to get rid of it friend, because it will really do a great effect on your relationship. You might get problems sooner or later for you acting like that. You just have to start slowly to appreciate the things arround you, appreciate your self and the love your bf shows, and well you won't really need to worry about your bf or even if he looks at someone it doesnt mean cheating. Just always believe he loves you and don't try to act bad in his eyes because of insecurity. Just think about the future that if you keep doing that and at some point do crazy things. You'll might regret it in the future. You might lose your loveone. I don't want that will happen to you. So my best advice is pray and be happy for what have right now. Be contented and always think you are beautiful and unique, no one can let you down. Wish you luck my friend
@jayyerex (224)
• Canada
15 Nov 08
All of this sounds pretty normal to me. I am 36 years old and I still feel insecure when I see another guy with a "better" body than me. The trick is to always know that at the end of the day your boyfriend is with you. He loves you. That is why he gets angry. He doesn't think you have any reason to feel insecure. In his mind he has given you everything he can to make you feel comfortable. Guys need to fix things. That's what we do. Don't get down on yourself because of it. Take it as a compliment and let him know that you feel the same about him in that you have and are giving him everything you can to make him feel good about himself. That has been my way of dealing with this issue. I hope it helps, Jay
@katrhina23 (1282)
• United States
15 Nov 08
it is very normal for a person to feel that way especially in a relationship. Just like what others here advised, try to find out why you feel insecure? what makes you feel that way? If you have already identified it, try to improve it. Like you feel insecure because you see some women or friends that are prettier than you, enhance your beauty. Have a nice haircut, go to a beauty salon or a facial care center to have a facial, go to a spa, it will make you feel better. Sometimes, I feel that way too. I dont have a skinny or perfect body, so I got to the gym and try to do something that would help me overcome the feeling. One last thing, feel secure about your boyfriend's love. It will not be good for your relationship.
@xcrizzx (80)
• Philippines
15 Nov 08
Hi Lenmay... I've had a fair share of insecurities in my past relationship. I can relate to how you feel. Some friends may tell you you're just being silly, but you're not. It's good that you are addressing your insecurity problem as early in your relationship. I'm not sure if it would help, but my tips are from personal experience. First off, I guess you need to identify the source of your insecurity. You cant face a problem unless you understand it fully. Is it something physical? Or maybe you feel you're not as much fun to spend time with as much as his friends or something? Or you may feel that he's too attrtactive and would be easy for him to flirt with someone else? Find the source of your insecurity. Once you identify it, try and talk to your boyfriend about it... Insecurities sometimes just needs assurance from someone we love that it really doesn't bother them or that they don't mind at all ( whatever it is you are insecure about yourself ).. I used to be so insecure about my height. My girfriend's exes were all 5 or 8 inches taller than I was and it bothered me for a time. It sounds silly if I say my girlfriend might dump me for somebody taller, but I felt that way deep inside. When I finally got the guts to ask her why she picked somebody like me to be her boyfriend for 8 long years, her answer never included anything about the "Height" insecurity that I had. When I aked her if she ever minded that I was just a short guy, too short for her "ideal" preference, she told me I was being silly to think that. After that, I had confidence over my insecurity. I faded away and now, I never feel the same insecurity as before. We sometimes over-react to things that doesn't even matter as much as we thought it would to our partners. I learned that the best way to keep a relationship healthy is to be open and honest enough to tell our partner what's bothering us and never make assumptions without confirming first.. Communicate.. Hope that helps... Cheers!
@android (895)
15 Nov 08
He has chosen to be with you. You have no reason to feel insecure or inferior around other women. If he wanted to be with any of them, then he would be. If you show him that you are paranoid and insecure it will cause you problems. You need to learn to be comfortable with him and accept the fact that he has chosen you. If you cannot get rid of these insecurities then you could end up pushing him away, which has happened to me in the past.
• India
15 Nov 08
i take it like this - if my gf leaves then i wil get another one, n the 2nd one leaves as well, then there wil be 3rd one as the total population of world is ard 7 billion, and about 45 % r females, so lot of chces i got there.. u got ever more choices cause makes r like 55 % :D so chill ;)
@mz_Ira (1091)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
insecurities would always be around but it depends on you to control it. We are on the same boat, I as well have insecurities even if my bf dont give interest to girls who passes by or those who tries to flirt with him..My BF would always tell me how much he loves me and everything and I'm sure your BF tells you that too. I get insecured if I see girls who are so conscious of their body wearing sexy clothes etc. to the point that when I keep thinking I tend to annoy my BF which is bad I know :-p.. To prevent it again I had to open things to my BF and tells him why I feel that way.. What made me feel like that.. and Im glad it does help. Now im better, I just bear in mind that my BF like and loves me for who I am and not because of how I look or anything so even if there's someone prettier or sexier I am confident that my BF wouldnt give any interest coz for all I know his feelings are true. So for you try to open things with you Bf so that he'll understand and at least he could clear things for you.