is it wrong?

United States
November 14, 2008 2:09pm CST
is it wrong that i do not like doing things with my husband any more?we ussually end up not geting along just an hour or so with in the time we are togeather.i feel like this is a bad sign.
4 responses
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
15 Nov 08
Hi Deedee. I would like to give you some advise on this situation as I have been there before. All to often, well mostly, people think that their marriage is all about the feelings of love. This is a misconception. Marriage is a committment to be honored above all. People think that if they don't feel those old feelings or if there are lots of arguments that it is not working out. I once felt like that. My husband and I went to marriage counseling and figured out that marriage was about alot more than he and I and our feelings. Even though we don't feel loving towards them, there is still a committment there to honor. So they gave me some advise. They said when I'm not feeling good towards him that I need to act my way into feeling. Basically, act like a loving wife, give up the arguments and pretent like you are in love with him. They said the feelings would return. They did. After several months of pretending, I started pretending less and less and it was ok. I finally started feeling those feelings again. They said that when both partners feel burnt out, they give up on doing those little things that makes their spouse happy. So I had to start doing things for him even though I had no desire to even be in the same room with him. Anyway, long story short, it is possible to rekindle those feelings and keep the marriage going strong, BUT, you have to want it. Really bad. Bad enough to sacrifice your happiness for a bit until things can start improving. I would reccomment counseling before divorce to any married couple. There are a couple books I have. One is called "lovebusters". It is a good book and I do reccomment reading it. I wish you all the luck with this, I know how hard it is.
• United States
15 Nov 08
thank you friend i will give it a try although he is not here alot i have gave alot .i am just not so sure he will ever work at it this hard but i agree trying first is always best thank you so much for careing.
• United States
15 Nov 08
Your so welcome. I just know how you feel and I know that it can work if you both really want it to. Enough to go through very hairy situations and emotions to get there. Marriage is taken so lightly in this world today, if I can help anyone to realize the potential for a life long committment and happiness, it's my pleasure to do so. I do truely wish you all the best of luck. We invest alot of ourselves to someone else and it really feels badly when we fail. I hope you can get where you need to be. :-)
• Philippines
17 Nov 08
i guess you both need to compromise and talk about your relationship. give time for each other. it's not a bad sign, it's just trials that can make your love grow stronger. :) talk without pains and arguments. be calm. you married each other so i guess you should work it out. find wheree the problem is coming from then from there learn how to accept and be able to move on and love each other again completely.:)
• Canada
17 Nov 08
It's wrong, You are a wife and he is your husband. When you marry him, you had the fact with you that you are gonna stand by him through the test of time. To accept him for who he is and the changes he will have. Marriage life is not as easy as that so before you enter that be sure you are sure he is the one you are going to live till the end of time. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and you are both connected and who ever fails to that rule will be sinners. It is normal for husband and wife to have some times of maybe not liking each other. To have some harsh moments with each other and for a moment you won't like each other. The thing is in time of toughest moment you need to work if out both. You need to stand up side by side, holding hands and make the best thing for your relationship. Some always realize how important a person when they are gone. So make the best way so you won't regret it in the near future. You marry your husband because you love him right? so Stand with the Love you have. Keep it up for the both of you at least you shown everything. Do your best and if he is not doing the same. Then the decision is your's. Just don't make it to be your mistake or for sure people will blame it all to you.
@mjmlagat (3171)
• Philippines
15 Nov 08
yes, it is but if you really want this relationship to succeed at the end, you can work things out with him. you can find ways to reach out to him and rekindle the flame, so to speak. Good luck and have a nice day ahead.