What should I do about my friend? (warning! long post)

November 26, 2008 2:26pm CST
Hi all, I have a small problem with a friend at the minute and could use some advice. Throughout my time at uni there has been two girls I have hung around with and done assignments with and whatnot but now one of them is being wierd and I don't know what to do about it. Friend one I'll call Patty and friend two I'll call Selma. At the end of last year, Selma had a stalker but didn't tell anyone because she thought she could handle it. One day Patty and Selma were out shopping and the stalker came up to them both and said nasty things about Patty and Selma didn't say a word. The reason she didn't say a word was because every time she said anything at all, the stalker would use that against her to try and destroy her friendships (Thankfully he's in prison now!). Patty didn't see it that way and gave Selma the cold shoulder so Selma was left to deal with stalker boy on her own even though she tried to explain to Patty what was going on. Fast forward a bit to this year (Our third and final at university) and at the start of this semester, Patty was brutally cold towards Selma and wouldn't talk to her. Selma, understandably didn't know why and was really upset as she was still feeling vulnerable and tried to find out. Patty however ignored her until I forced her to be cordial because I wouldn't give up my friendship with Selma (which got me the cold shoulder too for a while). Patty then immediately borrowed a lot of money from Selma while still treating her wierdly. It was at this point that I found out about stalker boy because I prodded Selma until she told me what was up and, because I have been in the same situation, I gave her what help I could in getting over it and feeling normal going outside again. Patty thawed a bit towards Selma but it still wasn't the same and then we were handed our group lists for a group presentation that we have to do. The first two weeks after that, things were great and we sorted out who was doing what and when, when Patty found out she was pregnant. She made me promise not to Selma (which I didn't) and constantly leaned on me for support through the whole thing until she got a termination at which point she told Selma. Anyways, during this period, I was completely understanding when she didn't show up for meetings or do any work or whatever because I've been where she is too. Anyway, Patty had her termination three weeks ago and after the first week, I expected to see some work from her as I am group leader but I saw nothing at all from her except excuses as to why she couldn't do it or hadn't sent it. While this was going on, Selma and I worked our butts off so that we would get the work done on time because we don't want to lost marks on the presetation we have to do. This is without the fact that Selma and I had already picked up the load after two other group members decided they didn't want to do any work at all despite repeatedly contacting thehm. Then today, she finally showed up to the group meeting, two hours late with a paltry two pages of work that had no relation to what the presentation is about which really cheesed me off and I snarled at her. Selma is also cheesed off because she is dealing with the emotional traumna of stalker boy and finding out her sister has MS while I have a whole host of issues of my own and yet, Selma and I had consistently managed to meet up for 7 weeks on the trot to collate information on the presentation to make it be the best in class. Patty tried to get out of being snapped at by saying she had been nearby but I doubt she had because we would have seen her as the computer terminals face the room we were in directly and then when I said that, she said she was stressed out after a fight with her housemates. What Selma and I want to know (she's here now) is, do we continue to put up with all the drama she creates around herself or do we move away from her friendship? She is constantly seeking out attention and if we try to share our problems, she listens for 5 minutes and then has to be somewhere else really fast or turns it around to herself and her problems again. We've tried to hint at what she's doing wrong, we've told her politely but directly what she's doing wrong, we've even spoken to the module leader and course leader but they say that they can't do anything as long as she gets her assignments in. We daren't really cross the line and snap Patty's head off because she is the type of person that appears sweet on the outside to everyone but those who do something she doesn't like? she becomes a rottwieler spreading lies and talking about them behind their backs and as this is our final year, we just don't want that drama too. Does anyone have any advice? heck even a cuppa would do right now! Selma and I are so stressed about this that we barely have energy to complete the final touches on the presentation which is tomorrow! Thanks in advance Seph and Selma xxx
No responses