Question....

@Cerego (117)
United States
November 28, 2008 3:43pm CST
I have a problem and I need help with it. I have a guy friend that I like pretty well, but he seems to have feelings for me that I don't have for him. He's a great friend, we can talk all day and night about everything and nothing, but he really stresses that he wants to take our friendship to the next level, knowing that I see him as just a friend. I have told him that I like being just friends and if we can't just be friends, then we shouldn't talk at all.He says that if we can't be in a relationship then he would rather be my friend than to not talk at all. What do I do? any advice?
2 people like this
11 responses
@thukio16 (254)
• Philippines
29 Nov 08
Hi there! As my advice, Tell him the matter staight to the point and dont give him a gesture that he might think you feel the same way too. Im also a guy, and we sometimes got a connotion that a girl also likes us because of their action which in the end make ou hearts broken. nothing more secure than to tell it earlier before you cant control the situation. hope it could help. Have a nice day!
• Philippines
29 Nov 08
hi there, i may take something until he accepts your reasoning but make sure you don't get into something when you do not have feelings for him. i think he will understand that in time and he will find the right person for him and you too can be good friends again without any strings attached.... wish you the best!!!!
@Cerego (117)
• United States
29 Nov 08
I sure hope so. I've already been knowing him for over a year, so I just hope that whatever happens with us, no one is hurt in the process
• Philippines
30 Nov 08
he surely will. let's hope for the best!!!! Cheer Up!!!
@jzjqdkd (273)
• China
29 Nov 08
I think it is right to deal with the problem with your heart,you don't like to further develop the relationship,then stop it,and tell what you think straightly at the proper time,I have ever loved a girl,at first she refused me,and when I almost forget the love,she came back and said that she wanted to be with me,and of course I accept,then she was my girlfriend,but now she is going to leave me ,which makes me hurt very much,for I have put all my love on her 100 percent.If she refused me and didn't come back for me,I wouldn't have hurt so much.So tell him what you think at the start!
@Cerego (117)
• United States
29 Nov 08
Thank you. what you say makes alot of sense. In the end I just don't want either one of us to get hurt. I don't want to lead him on in any kind of way either. I don't want to give in to the relationship and be his girlfriend just to find out it won't work, then it will hurt even worse than now. thanks for the advise
@Sheepie (3118)
• United States
29 Nov 08
I think first, you should just feel very special. You mean the world to someone, don't you? Who wouldn't kill for that? Great friends are very hard to find. You don't have to change your relationship with him, but have you at least considered it? Do you know what you really want in a guy? I think it's important to him that you think about this and consider every option, but I think he appreciates just being around you and that might just be the best thing, and maybe you really shouldn't change. I think the worst thing would be to cut him off completely; he doesn't need that.
@Cerego (117)
• United States
29 Nov 08
I may come off as being ungrateful, but I really do appreciate the way he admires me, I just feel so extremely bad for not feeling the same way, I can't make my heart feel what it won't. He is a great guy, I just don't feel that we are right for each other, but I could be wrong. Thats one reason why I haven't cut all ties. I don't want to blindly throw away something that was truely meant for me.
• Canada
28 Nov 08
No to worry hun this is common. The best thing is that you told him straight up how you feel and what you feel about the situation. He seems to be a bit flip floppy in this department though as he's nodding yes he's shaking his head no kinda thing. Do you know what I mean. I mean that he's saying that he's fine with being friends yet he keeps on trying for more. the best thing you can do is tell him how you feel. If there's a part of you that thinks there's a chance then great tell him with time it will come. If there is no chance in heck then stay persistent and don't give him any sign that it could be different. It's a tough position to be in I understand the problem is he doesn't. The best as I said is to be persistent with what your doing if it begins to be far too much for you to handle then when that time comes you need to sit him down and say. "If you keep on perusing this relationship I'm going to have to end our friendship. It is really stressing me out and I want to have you as a friend but if you keep on insisting we move this to another level I can't be friends with you any longer. I would hate for this to happen and would like to see us be friends. I'm going to give you one more chance to see if we can really be friends and get over this bump or if we have to end the friendship. the ball is in your court." That way he understands that this is your last straw and what will happen if he continues. It also puts the 'ball in his court' meaning he knows the consequences should he continue with this. Best of luck hun. Hope this helps
@Cerego (117)
• United States
28 Nov 08
Thanks You. I really don't want to have to end our friendship but It looks like I may have to. Every time we talk on the phone, He tells me how much he misses me and when we are together, after I leave, a couple days later he'll tell me that he misses me even more. It's just getting too complicated for me.
• China
29 Nov 08
hi,friend,i figure you'd better tell him the truth as soon as possible,in case of hurting him deeply.
• Nigeria
29 Nov 08
u need to think about it.. love is a thing of the mind and natural ... search ur heart very well to know and discover if u have anythin for him.. and if not let him be cos .. it is better to remain alone than to be hurt.. it pains....
@jpso138 (7868)
• Philippines
29 Nov 08
Well as long as he respects your decision then that would be fine. You have a good friendship so there is no reason to ruin it. What is important is your friend will understand where he stands so that he will not hope for something more. But of course you can never discount the possibility that your feelings for him may change into the next level. That will be entirely up to you, and nobody can tell. But what is important is the respect for each other. So just be happy and be just as what you are, be the friend you are.
• India
29 Nov 08
He seems to sound like a perfect gentleman to me. Some men do emotional black mail,beg u or some force to do things. This is how a decent normal guy shud react. U hace no feelings for him,bu t he does for u,so either marry him if not give him the space that he needs,stay away atleast till both of u feel that u can be without speaking. After such a thought pops up in mind,how well u people will be able to do justification to friendship is a big question. Because for him love will be pricking now and then. So,either maary if not stay away. Don't do anything in between it mite worsen the situation. All the best. Take a wise decision
@underdogtoo (9599)
• Philippines
28 Nov 08
He sees something which you don't. This is a common problem which best friends have. Some of them move on to become lovers and some fall away as friends. I used to be in this situation and I never told my friend about my feelings for her until she went away and there was nothing to do about it. Well, maybe in the next life. Cheers!!
• United States
28 Nov 08
If he said he'd rather be your friend than not talk at all if he can't be in a relationship... it seems like the straightforward thing would be to simply be friends. He'll find someone else over time and you guys can continue to be friends. It seems that simple from what you said... if he gets pushy about a relationship tell him to chill out.