are you malleable??

@riyasam (16582)
India
November 29, 2008 4:40am CST
my parents are too orthodox,so is my hubby.dont ask about my in-laws!!!they get along fine and they wont entertain anyone else who has a different opinion.i think me and my younger sister are black sheep of the family.i wouldnt want my kids to follow my ideals,if they are not convinced of them.what are your views on this????????
3 people like this
13 responses
• United States
12 Dec 08
Oh my goodness I know what you mean. I have always been the black sheep of the family when it comes to things like that. I have been the one who has done my own thing and gotten the ridicule from the family. I told myself I would try to support my children no matter what they are doing as long as it was not breaking the law.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
13 Dec 08
i wouldnt rebel openely but i would not like their views and this is shown clearly on my face.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
15 Dec 08
(tears in my eyes)i admire you for being so courageous.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Dec 08
Thank you. They will be here tomorrow morning I cannot wait.
1 person likes this
@James72 (26832)
• Australia
2 Dec 08
I think that there is always a happy medium to be found no matter what the circumstances really. They are YOUR kids and you and your husband will raise them with positive influences from bith sides. Kids that are raised right will end up growing into well adjusted adults that will make their own decisions anyway. All we can do is give them the best tools we can to reach that point! I am definitely a black sheep too but I am also quite stubborn. I am malleable to a point but some things I just won't budge on. This is my right. These are your kids and not anyone else's so to be honest, the outside family's deep seated opinions are really of no consequence. Sure, when with them in their own environment, respect their rules as that is their right also. But this is a small part of your's and your kids lives being away from home like this, so the happy medium found in your OWN environment is what counts.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
2 Dec 08
but james,i really donot want to force my decisions on themi think they should take their own stand as mature adults.
1 person likes this
@James72 (26832)
• Australia
2 Dec 08
There is still a happy medium riya. Until such time as they ARE mature adults, we need to guide our children as best we can and by using ideals that we practice ourselves. Lead by example! It is these foundations that ALLOW them to become mature and free thinking adults and it is from this point that we support them and mentor them whenever needed. If we do not initiate base controls and guidance in our children then they become too free too young and the foundation they have when they become adults just won't be strong enough. A baby bird may be pushed out of a nest and instincitvely know how to fly; but the human condition is far more complex and base tools are always needed in my opinion.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
3 Dec 08
you are right in your thoughts.there has to be proper foundation.i think that medium should be love and personal responsibility added.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27762)
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
My dear if you wouldn't want your kids to follow your ideals then I think you have to change your ideals! I mean we parents must set an example. We cannot just tell my children "Don't follow what I do and what I believe because they always learn from what they see from us and not from what we tell them what to do and not what to do.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
2 Dec 08
i never said i do not want them to follow my beleifs!!!!!!!i will be very happy,if they do so.i do not want them to blindly follow my beliefs.
@salonga (27762)
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
Oh sorry my friend, it's hard work without eyeglasses on! I can't read very well! Ha!ha!ha! but still trying to do myLot! Tomorrow, I promise I will not forget my eyeglasses!
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
2 Dec 08
salonga,thanks for the laugh
@balasri (26577)
• India
14 Dec 08
Not very much.I am one person who can never stand a stupid.Well but I am always eager to learn and correct myself from people who are wiser than me regardless of their age.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
15 Dec 08
i think willing to learn is a sign of maturity.
@balasri (26577)
• India
15 Dec 08
100%.
@dpk262006 (51906)
• Delhi, India
2 Dec 08
Difference of views is likely to be there between two generations. I think, most of us might feel that our parents are very conservative or othodox, so would think our next generation about us. We need to be bit flexible with our kids/next generation in understanding their point of view. I would like my kids to follow my ideas, of course with some relaxation.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
2 Dec 08
ya,i would tell them my beliefs but i would also tell the reason why i think so.if they are convinced,they will also think around similar lines.
@dpk262006 (51906)
• Delhi, India
2 Dec 08
Yes, it is the practical idea and seems quite rational to me. If they get convinced, they may follow your ideas.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
25 Dec 08
thats true you can,t be set in your on ideals you have to be willing to listen even though you don,t agree.if we all was this way we would have never envented the electricity,are created a train,are airplane.we continue to learn as we grow and there will be changes coming about each and every year.we all have differents of opinions but because your is different from mine does not mean your is wrong.we have a bright light of different opinions thats leading to same place.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
5 Jan 09
my thoughts exactly!!if i beg to differ from you,it doesnt mean that i am right.but some people dont like to change their views as time goes on.
@tryxiness (4549)
• Philippines
25 Dec 08
I guess, you have sorted out the values you want to keep to yourself and by that the act of you rebelling tells that the traditional thinking running in your family is no longer applicable to the changing times in the society as a whole, and I commend you with that. Anyways, I think I am weird in many ways and I try to be firm with what I believe in and somehow I do negotiate on things when I feel like negotiating.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
5 Jan 09
i do not understand the reason why they are so orthodox.as for me ,i know what i believe but i try not to enforce it upon others.
• India
23 Dec 08
My mom is the only rigid person I know and she is enough for me. She is not orthodox but very rigid. As a child I just had to listen to whatever she said or I would be termed undisciplined and disobedient. She never listened to any of my ideas always terming me as a child and that I should stay that way and that good girls always listened to their mothers. My dad was never into much of what I did. My hubby though is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. He is not at all rigid and between us, its always a matter of concensous.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
23 Dec 08
there is a tine for everything!!!!!!!!!!!!
@sharra1 (6344)
• Australia
14 Dec 08
I am open minded. If someone shows me something that I find interesting and have never encountered before I will listen and if I like it and am happy to go along with it I will. On the other hand if someone tries to force me to change my views just to agree with them I will stubbornly refuse and the more they try to force the more stubborn I will become. So I am not malleable to another's interests but I am open minded and willing to change my views if I find something interesting to change to.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
15 Dec 08
accepting that one can be wrong leads to success
• India
2 Dec 08
I am quite malleable, and I like myself like that. You see in order to hold you own against everybody around you, it needs either an inborn aptitude or training from childhood itself. I have neither…I can be called a ‘weakling’. Gradually as I understood this, I also realized that my only chance of enjoying the company of others without becoming a laughing stock is by becoming malleable. But that doesn’t mean that I let others walk over me…no, in many areas I am firmly rooted to my stand point but in many areas, I understand other’s point of views too.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
2 Dec 08
thanks for sharing.
• India
30 Nov 08
my family is very liberal and Ihave brouth up my daughters too in a liberal way. Iha ve always told them wha t is right or wha ti wrong according to me but they were free to choose what they felt was right. My wife is very balanced and sensible. My father was strict but I always did as I pleased. my relatives are orthdox but I do not care and they know it. They accept it because they know that i am what i am and will do as i please.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16582)
• India
1 Dec 08
you are really strong-willed.i apreciate your stand.
@savypat (20248)
• United States
29 Nov 08
I was raised by Black Sheep to be a black sheep. However I live with a very conservative man and my children are also that way. Maybe it skips generations. But I believe Viva La Difference.
@riyasam (16582)
• India
30 Nov 08
who is our shepherd???
@SangsTurks (1447)
• India
29 Nov 08
let them be the way they are.....cause they have been like that for their entire life that they have lived. It is very essential for us to go according to the world, we cannot be stuck with old thoughts. We need to move with the world to be able to survive. And as you say the do not entertain anybody with a diffrent opinion, it simply means that they just like to force their thoughts on others and feel happy if others listen to them. Try and teach your child what is the best for them and not just to dominate others.
@riyasam (16582)
• India
29 Nov 08
they have their own opinions and i have mine.but the difference is i donot try to force it on others.i respect their opinions and i never go against them when they are alive nor do i hurt them but donot agree with watever they say.