hi helpe me perfect my essay

@116687 (12)
December 3, 2008 10:14pm CST
i am not a native english speaker, but i like to translate some essays into english. so i am glad to accept any suggestion to perfect my essay. "Unlike most childern grow up in the traditional chinese family, i can use my intelligence to make money when others only get money from their parents. my mother was born in a banking family; my father has been doing investment in our stock market, while in charge of a estate company at the same time. influenced, i began to buy fund and stock with my accumulated pocket money when i was 16 years old. i still remember the moment i first stepped in the stock exchange. when i standing in line waited fot opening my stock trading account, all other people around stared at me surprisingly. as the youngest person in this hall, i knew they never believed such a boy can get profits from there. from then, i have been fascinated with those "green" and "red" lines and those complex index. by both luck and my insight, my investment made good profit, and the whole families were proud of me." thanks for everyone give me a advise.
1 response
@SeishiroX (1076)
• Philippines
4 Dec 08
"Unlike most children that grew up in the traditional chinese family, i was able to use my intelligence to make money while others can only get money from their parents. my mother was born to a banker's family; my father has invested in the stock market, while being in charge of an estate company at the same time. My father influenced me greatly. i began to buy funds and stocks using my savings from my allowance since i was 16 years old. i still remember the moment i first stepped into the floor of the stock exchange. all the other people stared at me in surprise as i stood in line to open a trading account as I was the youngest person in the hall. i knew they never believed such a boy can get profits from the stock market. from then, i have been fascinated by those "green" and "red" lines and those complex indexes. With both luck and my insights, my investment made good profits. my whole family was proud of me." I hope this helped.
@116687 (12)
4 Dec 08
thanks a lot!