Please help, i feel horrible

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i have done some ugly things with some good friends, and it's all mu fault. now they all, well i don't sau they hate me, but it's not the same look, the same reputation, and it's more complicated than that, i can tell the truth because this will make things more ugly for other even if i'm not afraid from telling it. i thought about leaving them, make new friends, whatever they think or say about me but... have ever felt like that? can you help me please?