How to deal with a jealous friend who like your girlfriend/boyfriend?

@loxion (1551)
India
December 9, 2008 10:51am CST
I have this friend of mine who always feel jealous about my relationship with my girlfriend, he would tell her that i don't have anything and obviously cannot take good care of her. He always tell my girlfriend those things but he is not aware that she is telling me everything because i do not act angry when I'm with him or rather talk about it. He has told her to leave me and be with him. how can i deal with this kind of friend, i mean i still visit him and he would visit me also but i never wanted him notice that i know what going on with him?
3 people like this
13 responses
@michele609 (1687)
• United States
10 Dec 08
LOXION,I have heard about situations like this so many times. The first thing is, try to keep your realtionship separate from you friendships. This always causes a major problem becasue they dont mix. I also dont understand why a friend would do this to another friend. A friend is supppose to be happy for you not work agaisnt you, that is what eniemes are for. i would really try and confront my friend and when he amits it then I would tell him where to go. Also, I hope when he approaches your girl, she is pushing him away with great force.
1 person likes this
@loxion (1551)
• India
10 Dec 08
Yes, that friend of mine is really bad, the problem is that me my girlfriend are not yet married and she still live with her parents.And now this friend of mine do get love from lot of ladies around here simply because he is from a wealthy family and he is taking advantage of the fact that i am a poor guy and he is telling my girlfriend that i cannot take care of her because i don't have nothing That hurts but i know that i am a mentally strong person, what i want to do is to make his aware of the things he is doing behind my back and yet when sees that i will not bother to talk about it, i just want to know how will he reacts after that. If the friendship is to be terminated i would let him do that. And you know my girlfriend is a very soft person and she said she hates hurting other people(as you said she should give him a big chase)but i have realized that she really hate this guy.
@salonga (28020)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
I don't think he is your friend! If I were you, I would confront him and ask him why he is doing this to me. Of course if your girlfriend really loves you, you are so secure in the knowledge that she will not believe the words of your friend. However, it is so irritating to have a friend like this and to stop him maybe he should know that you know what he is doing at your back and tell him to stop or else there is no need to maintain the friendship.
1 person likes this
@sudhibus (100)
• Kuwait
10 Dec 08
Dude.. He is n't your friend. Dont keep such friends. They can even spoil your life. Try to avoid him as soon as possible. Thats my suggestion
@loxion (1551)
• India
10 Dec 08
What worries me is that my girlfriend is still living with her parents because we are not yet married and this dude always visit her
@tlaquan (177)
• United States
10 Dec 08
i have to agree with you on this one any one that will stab you in the back the moment your head is turned is not you friend not that he has to get rid of him but keep him on a short leash stop letting him come around his girl have him meet him that way he is not upsetting his girlfriend and causing problems at home im a female and if i was to keep hearing this from a friend to often that would make me wonder what is going on when im not around does this friend know something that i dont know and so on
• United States
9 Dec 08
Well first of all I think you should stop dealing with him altogether because he can't be trusted. I don't know how good of friends you to are but for him to go behind your back and try to persue your girlfriend is low lifed. I think you should front him out and hear his side of the story and then surround yourself with good people. people like him is not your friend and will try to bring you down... I know for some men they feel women will come and go but friends will always be there, well I suggest getting a dog because he would be more worthy... good luck
@loxion (1551)
• India
10 Dec 08
I thought about that also but since me and my girlfriend are not married and she still live with her parents i think this guy will still be visiting her because that's what he's been doing all the time. We would normally spend the whole day together and when we go our separate ways like at night he would go to my girlfriend's home. There was a funny scene which i did one day, after spending the whole day together and went our ways at night...i traced him where he was going, he took a different route instead of going home he went to my girlfriend's home. I waited at the gate until he came out, and when he came out he was so scared to find me at the gate and he just said he wanted some music CD's from my girl, but even after that he still visit my girl.
• United States
10 Dec 08
what, ok now what does your girlfriend have to say... she can put a stop to this if she really wanted to, that is so disrespectful I admire your humbleness but its like his dude has a serious problem. You must have alot of trust for your girlfriend do you ever feel like they could have something going on behind your back
• India
9 Dec 08
hi loxion for me love and friendship both have their own individual importance, I fear this is really a dangerous situation, and things become worse when ur lover too responds to ur friend's feelings I never faced this situation But i would chose to do following thing clear all doubts with you friend, make her realise that you are her best friend and so she is yours, but please don't dare come b/w me and my love, ..........if this doesn't work come back to ur lover tell him about d situation, if he loves you he will certainly find the best way out ...........if even he feels that 'something' abt ur friend then come back to urself after a good fight and cry on ur fate booooooooooooo sob sob !!
@loxion (1551)
• India
10 Dec 08
We both treat that friend of mine as a good one but i know all the thing he is telling to my girlfriend because she tells me what he is saying about me. I don't want to show this friend of mine that i know what's happening between him and i don't get bothered when we are together and he talks about the ladies he likes because then I know whom he likes which is my girlfriend. I have realized that my girlfriend is bothered about the behaviour of this dude because he would normally go to her home for a visit and he would start talking bad about me. I have since told my girlfriend to chase him away when he come but she said she hates hurting other people's feelings and not sure what to do to get him off her back
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
Exactly, love and friendship has a big difference. When you are having a relationship with someone special it is another case. The are many aspects that we could consider in having a relationship and needs to have more attention. There is a responsibility that needs to do if you have this kind of relationship. While having a friend that keeps on jealousy, its another story. Everyone must know the definitions and limitations as a friend even if on best friend stage. There is a big difference for me.
• India
10 Dec 08
Dear friend,A person who feels jealous about your relationship with you and your girl friend, i think he is not a deserving person to continue friendship with him.Even if you think that you really needs him then avoid informing the relationship details of your girl friends to him.Hope it works.And one more thing i need to say that you can get girl friends at any time but you can't get good friends.Hope you understand..
@loxion (1551)
• India
10 Dec 08
I know exactly what you mean and is hard because we have been good friends for years but now it seems like he turning out to be my worse enemy. He would normally get lot of ladies when I'm with him because he think he is smarter and get all the ladies he wants and now he has gone so far into coming to my girl.
• South Korea
10 Dec 08
There is a saying keep your friends close and your enemies even closer. I am not saying that this friend of yours is the enemy, but he is a threat to your relationship. In this case he is an enemy to your relationship not to you. On the other hand I think that it is good that your girlfriend is being open with you about the whole situation and that you all are talking about it. Sometimes it is best to take things at face value. He might be trying to get with her but it seems that she is pretty happy with you. I say this all to say that you shouldn't really sweat this friend of yours. I don't know if I were in your situation whether I would still be cool with him, but the fact of the matter remains that as long as you and your girl keep open lines and don't sweat the small stuff everything will be alright. Backstabbing friends be damned! I think that you need to let him know that you know full well what is going on and that you are on to his game. I think that will give him time to reconsider the consequences ( such as the loss of a great friendship) over trying to get with another friends girl. Good Luck with your dilemma. Eryn
@loxion (1551)
• India
10 Dec 08
What i want to do now is to let this guy know that i am aware of what he is doing because he think he is smart enough, i will let him know that and see what kind of smart decision he will come-up with this dude think he is the charmer around here because he get lot of love from most ladies, simply because he is from wealthier family and he would tell my girlfriend that i cannot take care of her, i mean for me that hurts but i know i have a big heart to handle all the s***t he is telling my girl I just want him be aware that i know everything and yet i would not talk about it, I'll still be happy with him and i know it will eat him deep in his heart
@silverjam (969)
• United States
9 Dec 08
I wonder why you haven't been confronting him about this yet? I mean this (his running you down to your gf) is such a threat in your relationship. However, I would suggest that you have to confront him about this to clarify things; to see if it's really true because if not, then it might be just your gf's making stories. He may not admit it but I guess you're smart enough to know if it's true or not. If it is, then I guess you make ways to avoid him because he is not a real friend and he could betray you any time. And again if it's true, you are lucky to have an honest gf who confided on you concerning this issue.
@loxion (1551)
• India
10 Dec 08
I believe is true what my girlfriend is telling me because i always trace this friend of mine at night after we have spend some time together during the day and he would go to my girlfriend's home. Most of the time i don't ask my girlfriend if whether he came last night or not even though i saw him and i would wait for her to tell me and she would tell me the times he come to her home and is true because those are the times which i traced him and saw him get to her place. Now what i want to do when the time goes on is that...i will finally make him aware that i know everything which he is doing but i don't want to talk about it, i know what kind of person he is and i know after he has seen that i know everything but yet i don't want to talk about it...he will finally say something about or it will eat him deep in his heart
@Random28 (158)
9 Dec 08
you have to decide who you like more, your partner or your friend.
@loxion (1551)
• India
10 Dec 08
I am sure that is obvious, i like my partner but what my friend is doing is totally out of hand, I mean how can he tell my girlfriend that I live a low life and cannot take care of her? When the time goes on i will make him see that i have realized what he is doing but i will not talk about it, i just want that thing to eat him deep in his heart because then he will know that i am aware of what he is doing and the things he said about me and yet i don't want to talk about it
• China
10 Dec 08
I think this thing should be settled by your girlfreind, since she told you that, she hope you can know this about your jealous freind who he is, then she should talk your relationship with him that you are the boyfreind, if the jealous freind is just a common freind, then he will be welcome to home, otherwise, NOT. On the other hand, if he always do that, you can not treat him as your freind, otherwise, he will be a bomb around you.
@thedaddym (1737)
• United States
10 Dec 08
A friend that would hit on your girl is not a good friend. Also a friend that would hit on your while insulting you is definately not a good friend. Possibly he is only being your friend as a way of getting your girlfriend. I think you have been very patient with this guy. There is a code between friends and that code is to never hit on their girl friends, or boyfriends if they friends are women, that is just something you just do not do to a friend. If a so called friend of mine were to hit on my wife we would have words, you just don't do that to a friend. This guy is not your friend if he is doing this. I think I would let him know that you aware that he is doing this and if he values your friendship he will stop. If he does not stop, then that is not a friend you need in your life.
@shebeck (116)
• Jamaica
10 Dec 08
I just want to say kudos to your girlfriend for letting you in on what your friend is saying and for not heeding to his lies and fall with him. I also want to commend you for the way you handle it thus far by not being angry with him. But I believe that its time you talk to him and let him know that you are aware of the lies he is feeding your girlfriend. If he is man enough and truly your friend he will apologise and not hate you for it but move on with the friendship in good faith and to respect your choice in choosing the woman you choose. It is not your fault that that she choose you and obviously he see good qualities in your girl and wish she was his. On the other hand, don't be surprise if he denies everything and make claim that it is your girlfriend who is making up such stories to split up your friendship. You just have to be careful and I wish you all the best in dealing with this situation.
@magojordan (3254)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
I think you should tell your friend that if he is a real friend then he should understand that you love your girlfriend and you want to be happy with her the same as you are happy with him. Make him understand that you are happy both with him and her and that what he's doing makes you rather sad for both your romantic relationship and your friendship. If he's a true friends he should support your happiness.