What do you do when someone starts to ignore you?

@eVoLi89 (161)
Belgium
December 21, 2008 9:10am CST
I have been hesitating whether I should post this or not, but I think there might be other people who are or have had similar problems, so prepare to read quite a long story ;-) Last year I went to university and joined university choir. Great people, great fun, lots of friends made there. I also got along great with a guy, 6 years older, who didn't have so much contact with the other newbies, but I was studying the same as he had done, but he changed to history after a few months, hence how we got to talk. Soon we discovered we had the same kind of absurd humor, and we also talked a lot about stuff I usually don't talk about with people my own age (politics, history, psychology, some personal stuff and even 'weird things' as rhetorics and so on). He being much longer in choir, and also member of the board the previous year, told me a lot of things about choir, traditions, stories, gossips, even said I had to join the board and stuff, some kind of mentor. It was the first time I could talk about more serious stuff, without he thinking me weird for being interested in such things (I'm 19, almost everyone my age isn't interested in politics and stuff). This summer, we made a trip to England with choir, wonderful trip, me and this guy talked as we used to do, even more, as my exams didn't went great and I was in doubt whether I should quit or not, and he convinced me not to give up, encouraged me. Also, when we visited some historically interesting places, I used to join his group for tours (volunteers of the choir were guiding us around), asking lots of questions or discussing things. First week was great. But second week, he suddenly started to ignore me. Not openly of course, accidently joining other groups for activities, talking to others (as he's older, we don't really have the same friends, and as we were with around 50, it was easy for him to avoid me unnoticed. But after some time, I did notice it, and he even became rude to me, laughing at me when I asked something as usual. So the last evening, I confronted him, and he said that he thought I was too young for him, that he also wanted to spend more time with others as it was his last year, and that he had to much influence on me. The last thing hurt me most, he thought I was only listening to his stories and jokes because I adored him, while I was just really interested (and ok, i like him, but I would never fall in love with him, he's also engaged!). Well, he said he was sorry he had hurt me and stuff, so everything was actually sorted out. But ever since, we didn't say a decent word to each other, both still in choir, and it's getting more and more awkward, choir is really less fun if you always have to wonder 'oh, what's he thinking of me doing this or that', I also organised the get-to-know-each other evening, so the newbies get to know each other and the old members, and he just didn't come. Few weeks ago, he was quite drunk, and was telling everyone I was a lesbian (which I'm not), and gossiping and making fun of me. I really want this to end, but I don't dare to say something to him, there are always people around, a letter or e-mail is so unpersonal, calling him up is like stalking, but I'd just like us to be friends again, because he stays the intelligent and interesting person he is. It won't be as it used to, but I hope we can act like normal, fellow choir members again. Anyone had something like this? Did it end okay? What should I do?
3 responses
• Philippines
22 Dec 08
Don't be too concerned about his actions, concentrate on yourself and be happy despite & inspite of these..
@eVoLi89 (161)
• Belgium
27 Dec 08
I'll definetely try to do that, thanks for your advice! It'll be hard though, because he was so dear to me, his actions and what he thinks of me really do concern me. But I still have a good time at choir, don't worry, I've got other friends who are great, whom I can always turn to :-) Thanks for responding!
@spoiled311 (5502)
• Philippines
22 Dec 08
hi evoli! well, there is that somebody that i know, and well, when she started ignoring me, i just ignored her as well. i guess because she is not so dear to me that is why that i don't really care about her. whether i see her again or not, i don't care. hehe i know it is not a very nice attitude, but i don't want to lose sleep over her. honestly, i don't want to be friends with her ever again. take care and God bless you! merry christmas! :-)
@eVoLi89 (161)
• Belgium
27 Dec 08
I'm happy for you you could handle it so well, as my friend was very dear to my, it really hurts, so I do lose sleep on it. I don't think your attitude wasn't nice, as she started ignoring you, it's only natural you do the same... Thanks for your response!
• India
22 Dec 08
If someone starts to ignore me, I ll straightaway go and ask him coz face 2 face discussion solve lot of problems...
@eVoLi89 (161)
• Belgium
27 Dec 08
I did this, and last day of the trip things got better, but we didn't see nor spoke nor mailed eachother for more than a month afterwards, and when we saw eachother again it was awkward, neither of us knowing what to say, so saying nothing, and continuing this for months. Silly, I know ;-)