from cousins to lovers.. and you're the judge

Philippines
January 7, 2009 5:43am CST
my ex boyfriend and now my friend told me a short love story. there was a girl who was numb about love, she was just 16 and never felt love (as in boy-girl). until she met a guy whom was with her parents, her mom told that jacob was going to stay in their house for 3 months. and easily, joan felt passion. they were going out though they know that she and jacob were cousins, as in 2nd cousins. one night, something happened to them and joan's mom find out what happened that very night, her parents were really angry and they want jacob to go home in his province. joan wanted to be with jacob and they runaway. they tried to live their simple and poor life happy. until one night, as jacob was going home from work he called joan and said he got something and sure she will be surprised. unexpectedly, two men tried to get his phone and accidentally killed jacob. joan heard everything, she hurriedly rush to the 2nd block and saw jacob wasnt breathing. i was about to cry and asked my ex-boyfriend if it was a true to life story and whom were the characters. he told me "yes, it was my parents."
2 people like this
10 responses
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
7 Jan 09
How nice that I read this discussion and be able to respond not because I have a related story rather I want to point something out about the topic in a legal point of view. I have checked on your profile that you are in the Philippines and it would be easier for me to point since we are using the same law. No so much ado...Being a second degree cousins is not actually an impediment for a bf-gf couple to take each other as husband and wife. They would still have a valid marriage and would not fall on "incestuous" marriages. What the Family law prohibits is the marriage between two people who have a blood and by-law relationship within the fourth civil degree....Fourth Civil degree means marrying your "first degree cousin" by consanguinity (relative by blood) or affinity (relative by law).... To illustrate for a clearer understanding.... H and W are husbands and wife. They have a son S and a daughter D. H have a living father GF and a brother HB, who in turn married to X. HB and X have a son Y. D and Y are prohibited by law to marry each other because they fall under the fourth civil degree which is the limit. The counting is like this taking D as the example. D cannot marry S her brother because obviously he is a direct relative by blood (First civil degree). D cannot marry her father H because he is a direct blood relative (1st civil degree). D cannot marry her grandfather GF (2nd civil degree. D cannot marry her uncle HB (3rd civil degree) and D cannot marry Y, who falls under the fourth civil degree.... Same law is applicable to relatives by affinity. Meaning, D cannot marry within the fourth civil degree from the side of X, her auntie's side. In short, if there are no other impediments like the age other than the blood relationship as stated in your discussion, I would say the marriage was valid. I hope you understood the illustration and the explanation. Happy mylotting!!!
@SeishiroX (1076)
• Philippines
7 Jan 09
Thanks for such a detailed information about the legality of cousin marriages/relationships. However, I'm sure you'd agree with me that no matter how they use legality to their defense, cousin couples are still considered taboo in Philippine society.
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
Oh yes! I agree with you. Specially to remote places or on rural areas. You cannot just take away the "perception" that "cousins" should not marry each other. Even rich people have this kind of situation. However, when the so called "love" speaks....you cannot just choose whom it leads you.
• India
8 Jan 09
i just want to say that cousins are really close to each other!so more often than not the bonding is of a different kind...and by the way when we fall in love, all the legal issues go out of the window!whether its a taboo or not, you end up doing it!..iam really sorry to say this...i ws attracted towards my cousin sis who now stays in the US..but i soon realized that it was just infatuation!!
@underdogtoo (9600)
• Philippines
7 Jan 09
This happens more often than not. European royals marry their cousins to keep the kingdom within the family. Cheers!!
• Mauritius
8 Jan 09
yup ive seen that one
• India
8 Jan 09
really smart people they were! but what if there were not enough girls in the family!!...infact say no girls!then they would have to marry someone from outside their family!
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
7 Jan 09
The same with my friends story of love. They got in love with each other even though they know clearly they are first cousins. Nobody's stop their love to each other even their parents and nearest relatives. They got away to live their own lives. And until now they were together still. They have 8 children and they are already grandparents. But before to live peacefully they need to passed into traumatic experiences but they stand still with their great love to each other. They don't mind if they are cousins. With lots of graces from the great Provider, still live happily until now at the age of 60 and above.
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
7 Jan 09
Incestuous marriages are really in demand especially during the old times. That's what love can do as people always it...Against all odds as others may call it. Whether the law prohibits it or even the law of God forbids, what has happened cannot be returned. Just take the consequences and risks that the "incestuous" love bring.
@SeishiroX (1076)
• Philippines
7 Jan 09
I agree. Sometimes it's hard to control our feelings when love starts calling, and the hard part is it doesn't choose who the subject of the emotion is. Cheers~
@Samanthavv (1395)
• United States
8 Jan 09
I'm not for marrying your relatives... But these things happen. There was a case over in europe where a man and women got married, and it was eventually revealed, that they were actually twin brother and sister and had been adopted out seperately. That's a tough situation to be in, because you allow yourself to develop feelings for a person, and all a sudden in an instant, those feelings are "wrong." Who are we to judge?
@SeishiroX (1076)
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
That situation is so painful, especially when they fell in love without even knowing that they were related and thus were without fault. I guess it's true that blood is thicker than water; people that are related to each other will always attract each other. The meaning of what I said can be taken both ways; that's how long lost relatives find each other even after a lot of years.
@jlamela (4909)
• Philippines
7 Jan 09
This really happens in any parts of the world, even Mickey Arroyo, the son of President Gloria Macapal Arroyo of the Philippines married his second cousin Angela Montenegro. This is also the common practice among European royalty prior to the 20th century. But I don't think I can take this kind of set-up, this is simply inconceivable and I don't think I will ever fall in love with a relative, I am very close to my cousins and we treated as brothers and sisters.
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
Oh well, like I previously mentioned on my respond, Philippine law recognize "second degree cousins" to marry each other. That is why, Mickey and Angela's marriage is considered valid...Me too, I just can't imagine myself marrying someone who is a close relative.
• Philippines
9 Jan 09
I am not partial to relatives getting into romantic relationships. And on that statement, yes I am a Filipino and I am part-hypocritical about this topic. It's just that being married to your cousin--no matter what damned reason it is--is perceived my modern-day society as WRONG. I must agree. But I've [not-so-sure] been there before... I think. It's still wrong. Just. Plain. Wrong.
• Malaysia
8 Jan 09
I think there's nothing wrong with that. It's not incest for sure and some people said it's not so good to marry your family coz the child produced would have some genetic problems but I don't actually believe it too much.
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
Scientifically speaking they can.But thru religion and chisms it could never be..
@gbolly54 (662)
• Nigeria
8 Jan 09
That was a pathetic story. It feel sad about it. I have always wondered why societal "norms" are so rigid and unyielding to certain natural occurencies. If it is true that God created only Adam and Eve as the initial humans, and all of us humans have come to life through them, how could it have been possible without brothers marrying or mating with sisters? If God had forbidden mating between siblings and close relations, would He not have created a parallel family to Adam's? Alternatively, I have a feeling that there is always a natural repulsion to amorous love between close relations. Therefore, if an amorous love affair occurs between "close" relations, one should probe into the legitimacy of one of the partners. In the real sense of it, only God knows the true father of a child - the mother herself may not even know, especially if there is a case of infidelity prior to the conception of the child. In such a situation, some so-called close relations might not be very close afterall, and the natural law of repulsion might refuse to operate between them. The two major religions forbid incest. Indeed, the Qur'an of the Muslims specifies what constitutes incest. The puzzle now is why the God of Adam permitted "incest" while God of Jesus or Muhammed forbids it. To my mind, incest is mostly a societal issue. What constitutes incest varies from one society to another. However, for as long as the society frowns at something, it is incumbent on its people to follow the norms. Unfortunately, nature knows no norms in some cases, either because such norms are unnatural or because an "unnatural nature" is involved.
• United States
8 Jan 09
Marrying your cousins is very common in many cultures. It tightly knits family and strengthens the bonds between families. Very touching story though i thoroughly enjoyed it.