Family is drifting apart... Advice?

United States
January 17, 2009 12:14pm CST
I am the youngest of six children, with a single mom, and I am 18 years old. the rest have grown up and have kids, and are married and even divorced. We all live in the same general area, withing 25 or so miles from each other. Lately, no body has been wanting to see each other, or return each other's calls. We used to be very close, but now we are drifting. Our mother lives with me in my apartment, and no body ever even calls to see her or to check on her. What should I do to keep us from growing apart?
9 responses
• Nepal
19 Jan 09
I have also no idea on these facts too. Cause i also live with my family with brother and b'wife.Most of time i am lone at home. So good times gets from firends as you.
@zhuhuifen46 (3487)
• China
18 Jan 09
I understand your difficulties. Very nice of you to keep so close to your mom, which she must cherish so much. At the age of 18, I guess you are still in school. So when doing your best to focus on proper schooling, which must be your mom's wish too, you will work well as lubricant between the family members. My idea is forget all about the bad feeling they might have left on you, thinking from their perspectives, and take initiative to show your active role in the family, say, give them greetings, tell them about your mother, or ask if there is anything you can help. We have a saying, for bad things, better to minimize big issues to small ones, and to resolve small issues to zero. Present your best in front of your mom, at least by keeping a smiling face and giving comforting greetings. Hope this will help a bit.
@nzalheart (2352)
• India
18 Jan 09
Its a very much difficult situation when the family members behave in such a way. This happens to most of the families. It's disgusting thing about the people living in the family. They live for so many years together and when people get older, they forget their family relationship and become very much selfish to own small family. Its hard yes, but the thing to do in this case is to try to get the relation back but not so desperately. Always behave nice from your side. Difficult moments come in life and we have to learn to live with it. Life can treat us bad sometimes but we got not to lose. But instead learn to live with it.
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
18 Jan 09
People do tend to drift apart when they get older or become engorssed in other activities. With so much going around, it is often hard for people to maintain good relations wiht their extended families these days. I think that the only thing that you can do at this point is to keep trying to reach out to your siblings. Your mother should also try to communicate with your brothers and sisters.
• Canada
18 Jan 09
Have you brought up this issue with your mother and siblings? Maybe they are not aware that no one is calling each other. E.g. a brother may think that his other siblings are calling mom, so he doesn't have to as often. one way you can try and stay in touch with your brothers/sisters is to maybe offer to baby sit their kids? or even on your birthday, etc plan a party and invite everyone. What do you guys have in common? maybe do activities that all of you enjoy.
@seabeauty (1481)
• United States
18 Jan 09
That is really sad. They could take time out to call their mom. All you could do is call, invite them over for a meal and hope they call back or show up. If you already tried this, there is nothing you could do. Maybe they are all just busy with their families, working, running errands etc.
• Malaysia
18 Jan 09
I am afraid that this sort of thing will eventually happen anyway when everyone has their own thing to do. What you could do is try your best to set things up yourself.Maybe you could influence them slowly. But since you are youngest, it's very hard. I think it's OK if during every festive season like Christmas, you all get together. Good Luck.
@robert19ph (4586)
• Philippines
17 Jan 09
hello specsnow, I think that will happen if you have your own family now. Their priority is their family. But even so, five or ten minutes of their time to return your call is not that much to ask from them. Especially that your mother is still alive and staying with you. In my own opinion, I guess you need to set a party so everyone can attend. Like the forthcoming birthday of your mom. This is an important celebration that they should not miss. Just a simple one, what's important is that you'll be together and be able to bond for a while. Or maybe you can have a pot lack party every weekend so your nieces and nephews will enjoy each others company. Having a great family ties is really something that everyone should not take for granted. For through thick and thin you have each other's company.
@chiaeugene (2226)
• China
17 Jan 09
this is a common scenario when one grows up. Every family goes thru this cycle and challenges when the children grow up and have their own family and needs to socialize with others and having lesser time for own family esp parents. I think the fact that your mother is staying with you is a comfort cos if not i think she may find life boring esp when her 6 children do not contact her often. I would suggest creating some weekly routine for a start like get together dinner for the family and allow a day for sharing and catching up on past times. Also, since your siblings are married and have their own families, it can be real fun getting everyone together. No necessary to have some expensive dinner but some simple home cook food with everyone or most participation would do the trick. It is cheap too considering current economical climate.