Confused! Advice needed! Parents Vs. Me...

United States
January 22, 2009 6:35pm CST
My mom married my step-dad when I was a year and a half, so he raised me. She and my biological father got into a spat during her pregnancy, and she cut him off completely, even from me. She tried to "erase" him by marrying this other guy. However, she failed to realize that while she is caucasian like her husband, my father is mexican. And unfortunately for her, I am a spitting image of my father. Naturally, I knew something wasn't right and figured things out on my own as a kid. Once I met my father, Mark, behind my parents' back, I was actually relieved b/c while my step dad and I would be cool for a little while, overall, he was really mean to me when my mom wasn't around. It was only in front of her that he acted like he gave a poop. My mom being a lot younger than him and naive, never noticed and wouldn't listen to me when I'd tell her. Anyway, as the years went by, they (my parents) did nothing but fight with each other. My step dad was horrible to my mom and my mom was an alcoholic and took his verbal abuse. He tried for years to get his company up and running to no avail. At one point, after 20 years, it started to take off but was soon shot down. That's really the only job he's had since they've been together! My mom has always been the one to work! She joked about calling herself a "functioning alcoholic" b/c she's a stellar employee! Anyway, so this guy lets my mom work herself to death throughout the years. Once I got the chance I moved out to get away from him and his bullcrap. I felt bad for leaving my mom b/c she was so unhappy but too brainwashed to leave. When I got pregnant with my son I moved back with them to help out. As I had done for years, I continued to encourage her to leave this butthole and she finally did. She got back together with my real father! Sadly, it only worked out for about 2 years and then she went back to my step father. Since then it's been the same old crap! He stays home and does nothing, well, he pretends to be getting his business up and running, and she works. At one point in time, they were so poor all my mom could afford was a crappy motel room, so I had them move in with me. That was 4 years ago. I have been trying so hard to break away (I am 26 and a single mom of a 6.5 yr old) and my step dad absolutely uses my son as a weapon to stay and plays my kid against me. I have finally decided I need to move to my granddad's house in Savannah, GA. I currently live in Orlando, FL. I feel like if I don't get away from this crazy lifestyle now, I never will. I told my mom my decision the other day and she acted like she was OK with it but I know she's not. And I haven't told him b/c I know he's going to put thoughts into my son's head and try to confuse him into not wanting to go and make him turn on me. (My lease is up in March and originally I was going to move some friends into my house and my step dad made Roman feel soooo bad about them moving out that I had to cancel it b/c Roman couldn't handle that thought and would say things like he wanted to live with Papa and NOT me!!) The more I think about this the more I feel like I AM doing the right thing by getting away. I'm just scared. And I know he's going to totally freak out and I'm scared about that too. My step dad always has this way of throwing in my face everything they have ever done for me and makes me feel like a terrible, ungrateful daughter for wanting to live on my own with my son. They need to live on their own! I'm sorry that it's hard to live alone, but he should be working! My mom works! Why can't he? But I swear, he's such a manipulator that he can twist things around to make me feel horrible and make me think that I am wrong for thinking like this!Am I doing the right thing in your eyes?
2 responses
• United States
23 Jan 09
This sounds like a very unhealthy environment for your child to grow up in. Kids learn from their surroundings, and from the people they have contact with on a daily basis. Do you want your son to grow up and be his Grandfather? Absolutely not, is the answer I get from your post. You are doing what is best for your son, and I applaud you. It is fine to take care of our parents to the best of our abilities, but when we have our own children, they become the most important thing in our worlds. You may have to let go of your Mom and Stepfather for a bit, but in the end, your son will be a better person because you made the tough decision and suffered to give him a better life.
• United States
23 Jan 09
You're absolutely right, this is TOTALLY unhealthy. Everyone around me knows too. And of course I don't want Roman growing up to be like him, I would just die! The downside to all of this is that I just don't know what my next move should be.
• United States
23 Jan 09
I've been keeping up on this conversation. Obviously, you cannot take the chance of going to live with your Grandfather now. Your lease is up in March, it's time to plan to move to a new place. Save some money, check out programs with your state that will help you get into a new, safe home. Don't let the helpless feeling get you down. Instead, start making plans to get out and start anew. New beginnings are a good thing at times, and you will be fine once you start planning and utilizing any help you can get out there. My thoughts will be with you!
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
23 Jan 09
oh my goodness, when you get the chance don't walk...RUN!!!!! Of course you are doing the right thing. Neither you nor your son are in a good environment and you need to get the two of you away from that man as soon as you possibly can. I would even see about getting out before March. That's an awful long time between now and then for him to find out your moving, if he doesn't already know. you need to get your son and you out of there so that the two of you can have a life together, one that isn't manipulated by men. Focus on you and your son above anything else at this point. I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. I wish you and your son the best of luck! God bless and keep us posted
• United States
23 Jan 09
So here I am thinking I have it all figured out, I'll go live with my grandfather in Savannah, right? Then my mom drops a bomb on me, which I called other family members to confirm and she tells me about my grandfather being a PEDOPHILE! :( He has NEVER acted inappropriate with me in all my years around him. But according to my family members, he is not the only one, HIS father was one too! Naturally I'm not wanting to take the chance with Roman. Even though, again, he's never done anything to Roman either. I wish I knew someone who needed a roommate! I want to crawl into a hole and just cry for days. I don't know what to do. I feel so trapped.