Scared too be Happy

@reasco1 (299)
United States
January 29, 2009 12:10pm CST
It seems that all my life I've had this dark cloud over my head that would bring bad karma, luck, mis-fortune or just unexpected problems that would have me like what the f____cks going on. So I would go through life with caution and a umbrella feeling scared when things would go good for me because in the back of my mind I would have this feeling that since everything is going so good right now that something bad is going to happen because I don't deserve to be this happy and I know that it will not last. Now today I know that was a negetive way of thinking and feeling but It was so real and so true too me that I could not believe in anything else. It made me scared of success and of real love and now in my 40's I still fight this dark cloud of doubts and worry, however now I've built a fortress of faith and trust in the LORD. I must tell you this is a daily struggle for the strength and trust you need in God because life will beat you down if you let it but if you keep up the faith you can and will conquer all in your way. These days I have some dark days but mostly sunny days for God is in control and I'm in the passenger seat.
1 person likes this
2 responses
• Philippines
30 Jan 09
hi. i think that we are deserving to be happy. do not dread yourself of what will happen for tomorrow . try living for today. and you will be happy all the way. and you're so right. that god is always in control. so whatever struggles you have in life, always pray to god. and trust in HIM. . if we only savor the things that we have everything will be light. you know i used to be like that but then i realized that it will not do me good. i envy those who just see their life as so precious even those who are less fortunate. so y can't i be the same way as they think? when im fortunate of having what i want and need and having the loyal friends and family beside me.
@reasco1 (299)
• United States
30 Jan 09
That's so true, thanks for comment.
@sharay (2778)
• India
29 Jan 09
I know how you would feel as i have also faced the same phase of life and still, at times facing even now, leaning towards the Lord ahs given me strength as well...lets just not lose our faith anymore...faith is only thing which could keep us going
@reasco1 (299)
• United States
30 Jan 09
Our faith and our trust in the Lord, thanks for comment.