How to tell someone you are not good at it?
By Daffodil20
@Daffodil20 (1754)
India
January 31, 2009 10:07am CST
We have a batch mate who wants to take part in the forthcoming declamation contest. He has a relevant subject matter written and has got it by heart. The awkward moment comes when he speaks it aloud and asks us whether its up to the mark. Now, to tell you the truth his voice lacks modulation and the diction not very eloquent too. But we friends tell him he is doing good knowing fully well we are misleading him but lack the courage to tell him he's not sounding good at all. I don't feel happy about the situation. But then there are so many times when you should be saying you are not good but don't. Friends how do you tackle such a situation? Do you frankly give your opinion? Tact is what we are lacking I guess.
3 people like this
14 responses
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
31 Jan 09
My suggestion is for one of you...whoever he's closest friends with...to take him aside and offer him some friendly tips. Offer to help him improve it. Doing it in front of everyone would only embarrass him and criticizing him may cause him to quit altogether. Some friendly tips and encouragement privately though might help him improve...remember though that not everyone can be perfect at the same things.
[b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG AND TRUST IN GOD**[/b]
2 people like this
@Daffodil20 (1754)
• India
1 Feb 09
We dont want him to quit because of embarrassment nor do we want him to realise after the contest and get embarrassed later either. Tips and encouragement is what he needs genuinely. Doing it privately by one of us is a much better alternative. Thanks for you nice suggestion twoey!
@PatMcCue (48)
• United States
31 Jan 09
It depends on the friend. A lot of times, a friend will appreciate your honesty and would want you to tell them the truth about your situation. Other times, a friend would want you to back them up on anything they do. Personally, I would want you to tell me if I wasn't doing as well as I thought I was. But some people are different.
2 people like this
@Daffodil20 (1754)
• India
31 Jan 09
Its not just about honesty. We can see how hard he is trying and has put heart and soul in it but isn't coming anywhere near to be competent enough. We have been hinting but probably he needs more than mere hints.
1 person likes this
@sxrxnrr45601 (1171)
• United States
31 Jan 09
I feel that a true friend is an honest friend and the way you put it here was tasteful and to the point I think it is wrong to mislead a friend
@sxrxnrr45601 (1171)
• United States
31 Jan 09
maybe help your friend with it and work with them to make them better thats what I would do anyway!
@purplehyacinth (575)
• Philippines
31 Jan 09
that's really difficult.. but you have to be honest to your friend for his own sake or else he might end up believing too much in himself.. I think it's better if one of you would confront him.. just one of you, not all. One on one sincere talk with him would help.. There's what we call a sandwich rule: you give first compliments, then your constructive criticisms, then end it with another compliment...
1 person likes this
@Daffodil20 (1754)
• India
1 Feb 09
ts difficult no doubt. Your suggestion of 'sandwich rule' sounds very effective and yet light on him. Thanks purplehyacinth.
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
31 Jan 09
Maybe you can tell him what you told us in this post, Daffodil. And help him in the areas where he is lacking. Then he'll be very appreciative of the help and the constructive criticism. You don't stop him from taking part in that contest, that is for him to go through and learn from but as a friend, you can help him get better at it.
@forslahiri (1042)
• India
1 Feb 09
Hi,
Outright..as "AREAS OF DEVELOPMENT"..& who does not want to develop?
=Lahiri,Kolkata,India.
1 person likes this
@mayankgpwatson (1)
• India
1 Feb 09
Be bold, be strong and be true to say that you are what you are~~
cheers!
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
31 Jan 09
The best thing to do in this situation, is to get together without him, and discuss what he is lacking in his speech, then each of you pick a default and help him with it. He will appreciate the tips more than you going down a checklist of telling him what is wrong. Also, bring up several points of what he has done right with his speech.
Its best that you do this sooner than later. The more you wait the less time he has to revise his speech and demeanor.
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
1 Feb 09
No, Tact is not the word you are looking for. Honesty is.
I am brutally honest but often lact tact. Translation:
I tell the truth, but it often hurts their feelings.
You chose not to tell the truth to spare their feelings. A white lie, but not honest.
@mssaranya (193)
• India
1 Feb 09
Hi!!!
If the concerned person is kid we can say them in a direct and soft way.They wil surely hear our words in a respectable manner.But if it is a grown up child they must themselves should realize about their fault and they should start working towards something which really suits them.
@PlantBuddy (183)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
This friend of yours sounds like he is trying really hard to improve. He probably knows he has limitations and is attempting to overcome them. You say he has found a relevant subject and has got it by heart. That takes work. In my opinion, it is time to ask the person if you can be of any help. A true friend offers a helping hand. You will not be insulting or hurting his feelings by tactfully asking him/her to rehearse it, don't you think?
@zwitdh (47)
• Malaysia
1 Feb 09
Hi ...i have similar experience. It depend on what kind of your friend, you know him well how to communicate with him,you shuold be honest but you have to know art of persuading. it might be work out, tell him: friend, you are good and we really appreciate your effort but what if ...(you suggest him what to do to make him has better quality in related subject or correction). usually it works out, its human need to be appreciated, and he will be very happy if his effort valued by his friends. SO make him realize that you appreciate him afterward you can tell him wisely about the true fact and also you should give solution, or invlove him in discussion how to improve his performance. He will feel OK ..
@murugezh (273)
• India
31 Jan 09
Yes I will give my opinion but not as much as direct in wrapped manner. Let them first understand what they are doing wrong why should I differenciate them activity than the others its main point is how much close they are to you and their nature of understanding easy going or different in understanding opinions these all are the thinking that we have to put together to interact with them.
@proudnana (192)
• Canada
1 Feb 09
hi there,
Obviously your friend has put his faith in you by asking whether its up to mark. He probably know's that there are area's that need to be worked on and this is why he is asking you. He is seeking for ways to improve and as a friend I wouldn't hesitate to give him a few suggestions. I know if it were me in his position I would be grateful for the advice.
~proudnana~
@utopiaholic (9)
• Philippines
1 Feb 09
My advice for you is that you should be honest to your friend. Tell him that he's not getting better in a constructive manner. Make it sound like a constructive criticism and he will surely appreciate what you did. Tell him that you are there to help him get better and that you appreciate the fact that he works very hard for the declamation. He may deny/reject you at first but eventually, he will accept the fact that he's not good enough and try to analyze what he is doing wrong and on what areas should he need improvement on.
