Why does he do this??

United States
February 28, 2009 9:12am CST
I've know "J" for 8 years, he's been a family friend. We've both had feelings for each other for most of this time, but were never in a place where we were both single and could explore this. My last relationship was bumpy, ended up with my leaving my fiance with our 3 children. "J"s last relationship was really bad, she was always badmouthing him, was rude and nasty to his family, treated his house like it was nothing, left it filty and nasty, never did anything for him, she cheated on him. Well this past December we had both been single for a while and we finally admitted our true feelings to each other. Things moved rather quickly, as I knew the love I had for him, and he seemed to feel the same. He accepts my 3 children, treats them as if they are his own. I do everything I can for this man. If he says he wants or need something I make sure he has it. If he doesn't feel good I take care of him. I cook for him, I do his laundry. We do not live together but I do every single thing I can for him. Well a few days ago he told me we needed to talk. He still has feelings for his ex, even though she treated him as badly as she did. I've talked with his mother. It seems like an addiction. He doesn't feel he deserves someone who loves him unconditionally and will do everything for him. He feels that he deserves to be treated like that. He told me he loves me, he wants a life for me, but that he's still stuck on her. I know this woman hates me, she has since the day she met me. She's only trying to get back with him to hurt me, she doesn't love him. But I also know what he's going through, because it's the same way I felt after leaving my ex, even though my ex physically and emotionally abused me. Is there any way to make him see that he deserves true love? That he deserves happiness? Or is it just hopeless? Should I just give up and move on? I don't want to, I want to try to keep him, to hold him as close as I can. I feel he is my "one" in this life. With him I feel complete, like life is good and everything is okay. I love him with all of my heart and I just want him to be happy, but I know that he's not happy because he's torn between an unconditional true love that he feels he doesn't deserve, and a torturous life that he feels he deserves but does not want. I am so confused, I don't know what to do!!
1 response
Xxmookie621xX
@Xxmookie621xX (269)
• United States
28 Feb 09
wow that even confused me, i mean you can try talking to him again, explain it to him, it's really hard though. i ha a boyfriend who useto beat me, and would try to buy me things or bring me places to make it seem like it was okay and i hated it, i was always so scared to be alone with him. he smaked me one day in my best friends mikes house, in his sisters room when we were playing guitar hero, i have never seen my friend mike move so fast, he jumped ontop of him and started hitting him, and mikes mom kicked toki out of their house, and he then got beat up by my other friends that found out and my cousins who went to school with me told my three older brothers, all i have to say is that i felt bad for him. my friends were really pissed, i have a friend named AJ he's huge, 6'7 like 300lbs or something wanted to kill him, because my ex was 6'0 and was an athlete for he was built, i'm 5'0 105lbs and scrawny. i lied to everyone about my bruises, he broke my arm before too, and i lied about it. my ex frankie doesn't like him at all. anyways back to your topic, im glad you got out of that kind of relationship it's really not healthy and it was the right thing to do, especially since you have children. just talk to him, give him some time to realise whats going on, im sure hes smart and will figure out that he's had the woman he needs infront of him the hole time.
mrsg084
@mrsg084 (9)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
HE IS JUST NOT HA INTO YOU! Honestly, no one likes to be treated like he's been treated, but he doesn't have the courage to tell you he just doesn't love you more than just a friend, he cares about you that's why he said the things he said but honestly there is just no spark there. trying to hold on to something that is not really there is going to be painful, so just let it go, think of your kids, don't throw your self at him, doing everything for him specially when he doesn't feel the same as you, kids learn by example and they feel and see and understand a hell of a lot more than we think, i know, i have 2...and do you really want them to do the same in the future? The guy should be doing everything for YOU..trying to win YOU over, you should be investing you time in your kids, making sure they have the full you and not sad depressed you, Is not worth it, is not right for them to see you like that. Don't let them get too attached either..is emotionally hard for them too.