How to be a goody-good girlfriend
March 5, 2009 10:05pm CST
*** this is really SOMETHING that everyone should read. 1. Understand your Differences. A man, will always be a man. They come from Mars, and you come from Venus. In planet Mars, men deal with their problems by fighting and engaging in reckless sports. In Venus, women handle their problems by confiding in each other, embracing through music and in art. Mars & Venus, a classical mythology. Ever read the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" by John Gray? Well, if your relationship is in an utter crisis then you should start from there. John Gray is seriously a genius- his words will stick with you for the rest of your life. I want to meet him in person and thank him. Don't expect men to do the same. Men have one or two ways to deal with certain things. Women, can come up with a million things. Men are also quite simple minded- sometimes, they will not know how you feel unless you tell them straight up. Don't expect them to be all psychopathic and know that you've had a day because 99.9% of the time, he won't know what's wrong with you. And do you know why? Because you have made it seem like there's nothing wrong. 2. Support, rather than Change. You are not, Barack Obama. How many of you girls had your boyfriend say "Stop trying to change me."One thing I have learn t is to never give pressure, or make my boyfriend feel in any way that I'm trying to change him. Because I don't want to change him. There will always be certain things that you don't like about him. The more you point out that you hate his flaws and want him to "change," the more you are making him think that you are not happy being with him, and that pushes him away. Think to yourself. What are you? You're his girlfriend, not his mom. If there's anything that concerns you, talk to him about it without stressing over it. Don't immediately come to conclusions and point out what you want by saying things like "Why can't you be more like this... and this..."- This is a death sentence for men. It doesn't become a question anymore. You are basically telling him that you are unsatisfied with him, and that, for a man, is heartbreaking. And I'll be surprised if he won't start arguing with you. Instead, you can say things like "You used to be ______. What happened?"Ask him questions, and be concerned. You know, men like to be heard just like we do with our problems. Give him the support he needs. Even when you can't do anything, at least he is able to let it out somehow. You come second after his family, so do you think you are important? Of course you are. Things don't have to end like this: ... yup, we've all been here before. 3. Appreciate. When my boyfriend does something really cool- I always let him know. When he got off from the computer and did something better for his life, I told him how proud I was of him. He smiled at me in such a beautiful way, and although he didn't say anything, I could see that he looked happy and was even more pleased with himself. Men like to be praised, and if you think about it- you're probably the only person that will give him the praise he needs, for whenever he does something right. 4. Give him Space. I'm about 6,000 miles away from my boyfriend right now. But that doesn't mean we have to call each other 6,000 times a day. Even though I have a boyfriend, it does not mean I no longer have my own life. Remember, your boyfriend is someone who you care for and love. He's a part of your life, not the whole of it. So why should you be the whole of his? A lot of girls I see get so engulfed in love that they spend the majority of their time stressing over about their relationship that they forget who they really are. So when the relationship inevitably ends, they wonder what the hell they have been doing for the past four years of their life. Have your own time to focus on your life and future. And by giving your boyfriend the space he needs, he will be able to breathe. 5. Let him Pay. I'm gonna admit. I rarely pay for anything when I'm out with my boyfriend. Not because I'm a complete skint plus gold digger at the same time, but because my boyfriend has this golden rule to never let his girl pay. We had a huge debate about it, and by the end of it, he managed to make me understand. Men like to feel in charge. They want to "make us happy."And for some small part of it, is to get more respect from people around him (such as the waiter.) It got me to think what my father once said to me. He used to tell me that a man's duty is to take care of his family, and to not let his wife suffer."If you can't even do that, then you are not a man."- I don't know why he kept lecturing to me about the prospects of being a man because clearly his daughter wasn't a man, but I guess he was teaching me how to find a better man than he is. Men want women to feel that he can handle things so that you don't have to worry about them. So, just let the man pay without question. (At least for now.) 6. Know that he loves you. PMS makes me hate being a woman. I understand at times when PMS gets so bad that it will put thoughts into your head making you feel insecure, insecure and insecure. You will start to think, "Does he love me?", "Does he care about me?"- it's like you're possessed. But does it have to happen every month? Why do it to yourself- and poor guy, needs to put up with you questioning him as if he's a criminal in court. If you've been together long enough, you should know the answer already. You may not know how much, but you will know he does love you. Ok, sometimes you will lose yourself and want the answers said to you again- but when you continuously need it that only makes you not only stupid, but very insecure. Stop asking, "How much do you love me?"- because love cannot be measured. I love my boyfriend for as long as a piece of string. So can you tell me how long this piece of string is? "If you're a bird, then I'm a bird." 7. Men want women to be happy. "When a woman smiles, I want to give everything to her."It is seriously that simple. When you are unhappy, they will get into a fit and stress about it- and at times, they might even shout at you making it seem like your fault. When really, they are just frustrated and angry at the reason that has made you cry. And what makes them even more furious is when they can't do anything about it. Men hate being pointless, helpless. Just to help you understand, my boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and we are really strong. We rarely (never) have any arguments. Instead, we choose to debate about them. A real life scenario, would be this: 'A Love Lesson Well Learnt.' (opens new window) This was a previous blog entry that I made quite some time ago which taught me a valuable lesson, and I'm sure you will all learn from it. 8. Let Go. Everyone has a past, and your boyfriend is no different. He's with you now, not anyone else. What something has ended a long time ago is the past and belongs there. The more you dwell on his past, the more likely you will lose the present. I met my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend incidentally this year, and even went to her house. It was with a couple of mutual friends so otherwise I never would of got the chance to meet her. I didn't want her to feel awkward so I tried my best to talk to her and engage in conversation so that I could understand her as a person, and that maybe, she could understand me. And it turns out, she was nothing but a lovely person, and I was quite happy to see her living a happy and contented life. Even with my boyfriend's previous crushes, I wouldn't even stress about them. Even if they attend the same parties! They are just people that used to be part of my boyfriend's life. In a way, they made who he is today so I'm happy for that. A beautiful relationship. Our relationship is strong and deep. If we have a problem, we talk about it without delaying it for days to see who 'surrenders' first. It's not a game anymore, it's a relationship and he's like a part of my family. We don't need to talk everyday and give each other the most comfortable freedom because it's all to do with trust. I know he is deeply in love with me and so I don't need to ask him everyday if he does. I don't need to proclaim to the world about how much I love him in every counting anniversary. As much as I am proud of my relationship, I still like to keep it in my personal, private life.
22 Feb 10
hi there!... Take it slow. Don't cook a three-course meal for the first date, but do cook for him soon. Don't push him to call you his girlfriend after a couple of dates. Don't start talking about marriage and children before you've even met his friends. The beginning is a precious time when you both feel like you're walking on air just because you're together. Eventually this phase will pass and you'll hit bumps in the road that will test your relationship and during those times you'll both look back to the memories from the beginning to remember why you're in it. So don't bring up any issues prematurely and make the beginning of your relationship stressful. Let it take its natural course. Cherish your time together--it's the only time this person will be new to you. That doesn't mean you should be an obsessive girlfriend and crave every second of his time. Relax. Be patient. Enjoy. Be honest. While being honest to your guy is very important, to the point of being paramount, it is equally important that you are honest with yourself. If you overreact or make a mistake, you can acknowledge your error and apologize. If you're feeling vulnerable or upset, you can sort through your feelings and verbalize them to him in a non-accusing way. Love him and let him know. Have a positive attitude. If everything you say around him is a criticism or an attack, he will not look forward to seeing you. However, you don't always have to agree with him just because he is your boyfriend. Tactfulness is a better strategy in mature relationships. No matter what, have a good sense of humor. Have inside jokes together. Be spontaneous. Be happy. Make your desires, needs, and opinions known, even when they may conflict with his. You don't and shouldn't exist solely to please him. Besides, showing that you are your own person with your own needs, desires, and approach to life will keep him interested in getting to know and understand you as a person. Just remember to express yourself in way that doesn't attack anyone Else's opinion or lifestyle in any way--you can be humble and outspoken at the same time. Take an interest in his interests. You don't have to act like you love his hobbies, but at least try to understand why he's such a fan. If he loves a band, understand why. If he just loves to be playful and immature, remember that it might just be his way of releasing stress. Buy him simple, unexpected gifts for no special reason once in a while. The thought is always appreciated and it makes the guy feel as if you really do care and love him. Some good gift ideas could be a new music CD he's been dying to get, some thing he collects or something else that he'll really like and will be surprised by. Guys like to be surprised with little gifts too. * Make him something. A paper flower, an artsy heart, something creative that reflects your personality, so whenever he looks at it he'll think of you and smile. Let him live his life. If you feel entitled to all of his time and attention, learn how to not be an obsessive girlfriend. Remember that he doesn't need you for everything and that you are separate people as well as a couple. When he needs some space, don't take it personally. But do make sure he knows that you are always there for him. * Be yourself Don't lie to impress him, don't try to make him jealous, don't lead him on if your not into everything. Those things are wrong, and if you feel the need to do that then you don't know the meaning of a true relationship. Be honest and open with him. If the two of you are mature then you will handle it correctly. * Ultimate Sexy Don't be afraid to be seductive. Men find it irresistible when a woman is sexy, classy, and confident. Confidence is the ultimate type of sexy. happy mylotting! cheers!