Discovery of a woman lying to her man.

Australia
March 7, 2009 8:26pm CST
A situation happened at least 5 months ago when my old friend turned his back on me. He said something to me which really hurt me. I ended up turning my back on him. Ok, to start from the start. I was told by my friend that his woman was shy when it came to a certain subject. I accepted that. When she started talking to me, she was the first person to talk about this certain subject. I had responded to her comments. As the time went on we talked about the subject and I kept asking her if she was ok talking about it. She told me yes. She even asked for my help about the subject when it comes to her man. I was happy to help her. I should have had lunch with her one day but I ended up cancelling because of my own husband being sick and I wanted to spend time with him and care for him while he was sick. It was from here that thing really went down hill. My friend and his woman turned their backs on my by deleting my contact details without telling me. It prompted me to call one of them when I didn't hear from them or see them online. My friend told me what I felt was a lie. I continued chasing for the truth so I went to see my friend. An unannounced visit which really was very rude of me to do. The end result of the visit was the truth coming out. I was so upset about what was said that I ended the friendship and walked away. I thought I would get over it. Concentrating so hard to move on. But it was not working. My health has been suffering for 5 months. I decided to contact my old friend to get more details. He stood by what he said that his woman was not ok with the subject. He even accused me of holding a history of conversations on my computer. I told him that without proof I would not be able to convince him that I am telling the truth and if I did hold the history of conversations between her and I, I would send him the files so that he could see it for himself. I personally don't think I could do any more than just tell him my side of the story after 5 months Really the way that I put it across to him, if she is telling him the truth, then she was lying to me. If she was telling me the truth, she was lying to her man. Either way she was lying to some one. In my opinion, I personally think she was testing loyalty of her man. Creating a situation to see who he would support. He should have never been put in a position like that at all. Even I could tell her that he would be loyal to her because she is his partner. I have asked if he wanted to continue a friendship because we had been friends for 4 and half years. I didn't want to throw it all away. With all that has gone on, I don't think a friendship will work. I am just happy now that I have told him my side of the story. It is up to him if he wants to continue believing in lies or the truth or to be neutral. What do you all think of this situation? I would like to hear different ideas.
1 person likes this
5 responses
@loved1 (5338)
• United States
8 Mar 09
I choose not to be friends with certain people simply because their lives are full of constant drama. This situation sounds like total drama, the kind that goes on forever. Give your friend some space and maybe at some point his head will clear and he will see the situation for what it is. For now I would stay completely out of it.
• Australia
9 Mar 09
It was one reason why I did end the friendship in the first place. To give them 100% space. But my health was sufferring. I decided for my own health to find out more information. I found it. I told him my side of things knowing that he would not believe me. Personally I do feel better for what I have recently done. I can move forward knowing that he knows my side of the situation. It is up to him what he does with the knowledge now. To keep my own spirits up, at least if the truth comes out, I won't be the one with egg on my face. Also, if he can't see the situation for what it really is, at least I know, I am not the one that falls for lies. I really put it down to that he is blindly in love with this woman. To him, what she says is the truth and every one who tries to get in the way is saying lies. Because of the drama that has happened, I don't feel confident that a friendship could continue. There will be distance and slowly vanish. But I am now happy to move on.
@mansha (6301)
• India
9 Mar 09
We have a saying that never break a thread of love,if it breaks it never mends and even if you try to mend it, it will still have a knot. I see your situation here,I agree with you that you have thrown the ball in their court and its better to have no friends at all then to have ones who constantly create tensions in your life. Its best to move on and probably find new friends. WHatever this incidet did was worst but atleast you came to know if they were your true friends or not,thats one good thing about the whole incident. Wish you all the best!!
1 person likes this
• Australia
9 Mar 09
wow, mansha. Your words are words of wisdom. It most likely I may move on with out them. Even though it is sad after 4 and half years a good friendship but this woman has done some damage. I certainly can not something that is broken. I can see this man really loves this woman and believes her even though the words she has spoken were not the truth. He says that he doesn't hate me and also says that neither does she. But I question that. If he liked me, the maybe he should have said something to me earlier to avoid the situation getting worse. As for him speaking on her behalf, I can't believe what he says because she may have done what she did because she didn't like me even though we didn't really meet face to face. After all, I am a woman who is younger than her and saw me as a threat. If she does like me, then she wouldn't have done what she did. Any way, I have told him, that I would like to hear it from her either face to face with him present or via email so that I can have proof of what she is saying. End result is, I know what I have done. I know I have told him the truth to the best of my knowledge. I have appologised for what I have done regardless if I am in the right or wrong and made an effort to sort the problem out. If nothing works from all that I have recently done, then I know I have tried.
@oyenkai (4399)
• Philippines
21 Mar 09
That wife is a manipulative person. I don't like manipulative people because they tend to be unstable - they can't act "normal" when they know that the situation is not under THEIR control. I'm sorry you had to suffer so much because of someone's mean attitude, I hope you're all better now. I think I would have felt just as awful if I were in your shoes - I don't like being rejected for no reason - I just HAVE to know. Thanks for the response on my discussion!
• Australia
22 Mar 09
It really sounds like you know this type of person. From what I have see of this woman, you have discribed her behaviour. I really can't believe it. wow. I am feeling better.
@oyenkai (4399)
• Philippines
22 Mar 09
Let's just say I've had to let go of certain friendships because of varying reasons. And I have a very supportive sister that helped me be true with myself, to be kinder with myself, by letting go of the people who try to take control over my life. I learned how to read people because I've been trying to be a good friend - I think that knowing people is the best solution to helping them solve their problems :)
@bunnybon7 (34453)
• Holiday, Florida
11 Mar 09
it sounds to me like she was trying to get rid of your friendship with him. possibley she was jealous. you cant really do much about it unless or until she shows her true colors to him some day. my sons gf is the same way, very jealous of any other woman in his life including me. not much can be done till they get tired of the jealousy and being cut off from others and being smothered.
• Australia
11 Mar 09
I wouldn't be surprise if that was her intentions all a long. She had told him that I was putting a wedge between them. I laughed at that because the truth is that she was putting a wedge between him and I. Jealous, you could be right there because, I feel that she is insecure. She had told me that she hopes her man doesn't mind her male friends, then turns around and says that she is looking for marriage. I see that she has a line of male friends and hopes that one of them will pop the question to her.
@mysdianait (64068)
• Italy
8 Mar 09
Hi chookie! I remember you talking of this sad situation with your friend some months back and I am so sad to read that it is still hurting you. After reading it now I can only think of one thing. This friend does not deserve your friendship. If the woman was testing him then surely he should have realised and not acted as he did if he really wanted the friendship with you to continue?
• Australia
9 Mar 09
My main purpose of getting back in contact with him was really for my own health. As a friend, he really did mean something to me. He was like a big brother to me. I had told him many times. For what he did to me those 5 months ago, was really upsetting. One thing just let to another. I decide to give them space by saying good bye. After I had so many health problems. Depression, migraines, malnutrition, boils, I decided enough was enough. I needed to know more. I found out and then told him my side of events and appologised for my actions regardless if I was in the right or wrong because I feel that was the mature thing to do. His last email came back and he told me I was stupid for ended the friendship. I could agree with him that I was being stupid for ending the friendship at the time, because, I wasn't thinking clearly. But I can say this, I am not the one that turned on a friend first. He and his woman deleted me from the chat program without informing me. The more decent thing would have been to email me to say that they don't have time for the chat program any more because of their social lives. I think they had hoped that I would give up on them and disappear into the darkness. I now look at the whole situation as being so silly. At least I now can really walk away with a clear mind. Knowing that I found out more information then telling him my side of events with the attitude knowing that he may not believe me. I feel that I have done the right thing for my own health. I feel that I can move on. I also think that trying again would not really work any more.
• India
8 Mar 09
hai, i m sad that u faced this situation but society is turned such bad situation,i also faced situation when we try to give everything to someone he/she think that that person dont have any value so they disrespect and break our emotion,so THERE IS ASUGGESTION FROM MY SIDE THAT NEVER BELIEVE 100%TO ANY ONE EXPECT GOD SO WHENEVER U WILL BE DECIEVED ,U WILL NEVER FEEL THAT MUCH SAD AND MATTER WILL NOT COME ON UR LIFE AND U WILL ENJOY UR LIFE ASUSUAL. SO LOVE UR LIFE AND KEEP WALKING.GOD BLESS U.