Do your parents put you in between their fighting?
By cwilson26
@cwilson26 (2735)
United States
March 26, 2009 7:38pm CST
My mom and dad have been married for almost 31 years and are fighting a lot lately. My dad just got out of the hospital for problems with his male parts and we all had a huge scare because he could have had Prostate cancer.
My dad's problem is he complains about everything, and I mean EVERYTHING! We figured with this scare of his that it would calm him down and try to appreciate life. But it didn't and it seems like he complains even more now.
My mom was at the hospital with him every day. She would get there in the morning and stay until visiting hours were over. She would try to leave when he fell asleep but he would wake up and ask where she was going so she would stay until it was time for her to leave. You would think my dad would appreciate that and would now try to be nicer to her and help her out around the house more. He is not working right now because his job doesn't have any work for him and my mom works her butt off. So she comes home every day from work really tired and has to cook and clean. When she tries to take a nap he gets mad and slams doors just to keep her awake. He is being a real jerk.
So when my mom needs to talk to me about what is going on, I listen. I love my dad but I take my moms side because she doesn't deserve the crap he puts her through. He is mean. He was mean before he went to the hospital and he is even meaner now. It is not fair how he treats her.
My dad came down today to take me to the store because I don't have a car right now. All the way to the store I had to hear how much he is sick of my mom and the way she treats him. I know she does not treat him like crap because I have seen how mean he gets. He is also mean to me.
So I am stuck in the middle. I love my dad, I really do, but I am tired of him treating my mom and me and other people like dirt. He expects everyone to jump for him right now but when someone needs something he gets mad if he is asked to do something.
My husband does a lot of work on my dads car and if my husband is sick and can't do it on a certain day, my dad gets mad. My dad is very greedy and I don't know what to do about it. He is also very negative and when I try to be positive and happy around him, he brings me down. I try to visualize a brick wall in between my dad and I when he starts his negative crap because I don't want the negativity to come to me.
So do you know someone who is like this? Do your parents or anyone else bring you in the middle of their fights? I wish my dad would change but I know he never will and there is nothing I can do about it. I just wish there was something I could do to make him a happier person because he is very unhappy and wants to bring everyone down with him.
4 people like this
12 responses
@haohaoyes (19)
• China
27 Mar 09
I'm sorry to hear that.But I have a happy family,a responsible father and a tender mother.They never fight in front of me,even not say a ruthless word.They try to raise me up in a gentle surrounding.They are always saying that all the confliction between the adults are just the business of theirs,shouldn't spread to their kids.Then,there will be more and more happy families and good parents.I think your father is matural enough to deal with his own business.You are their kid,not their parent.Let him alone to think about what he has done and what he should do.You just give hime a hand whenever he needs.That's enough!
2 people like this
@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
4 Apr 09
You are very lucky. My dad has always been this way even when I was a kid but he has gotten worse since I have grown up. He has a mental condition that runs in the family but he refuses to get treatment. I know that if he would just get the help he needs he would be a lot nicer and we would all be happier.
I try to stay out of their fights but when he screams at my mom for no reason in front of me, sometimes I have to bite my tongue hard to stop from saying something. It's not easy and there have been times I have said something to him but that just makes it worse. Thanks for your response. :)
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
27 Mar 09
you just might have to blow your top!
Tell him that he should be grateful to still be here.
and he needs to help around the house so your mom can get some rest. Point out he isnt working right now and should do this.
And she did good to stay with him in the hospital she could have just went at visisting time. Me I slept at the hospital when My hubby was in there Only went home to shower and change clothes.
And tell huim he is acting like a baby! that him and your mom are surpose to be a team and work togehter on thing , things get done a whole lot fast that way and they are also togehter all the time that way as it looks like thats what he wants!
1 person likes this
@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
3 Apr 09
I don't even know if an intervention would work for my dad but it might be worth a try. It would probably just make him even more mad in the end though. My dad will never change and we have all accepted that but it is hard to be around him because of it. There is no way we can not be around him though so we just try to keep our mouth shut and get along with him the best we can. My dad is only happy when things go his way though. I pray for him every night and hope to God that he will wake up soon and realize that he is not only making himself miserable but the rest of us too.
Thanks for the suggestion though! :)
@dorisday1971 (5657)
• Philippines
27 Mar 09
I am fortunate to have come from a peaceful family. My parents never argued in front of us. They just secretly discussed their problems. I came to learn this when from my mother. Now that I am married, my husband and I make it a point not to have an argument when our daughter is with us. It helps a lot when you and your spouse discuss problems by yourselves.
@sunnflr (2767)
• United States
27 Mar 09
Sorry to hear things are so bad with your parents. Some people are just selfish and there is no changing them. Sounds like your dad might be one of those people!
My parents used to bring me into their fights when I was younger. They got divorced when I was 14, so I didn't have to put up with it as an adult.
You might have to set boundaries with them. Tell them you don't want to be in their arguments. And also maybe talk with your dad if that's possible, about his attitude.
Good luck!
1 person likes this
@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
6 Apr 09
Yes my dad is very selfish but he will never admit to it and we better never say it or the fight is on.
I sometimes wish my parents had gotten a divorce when I was younger. Then maybe they would both be happy. Probably not my dad because he is never happy about anything and I don't think anything will ever make him happy.
I would tell him about his attitude but my mom would have to hear about it and me and my dad would be at each others throats. Believe me, we have fought a lot before. One time he really made me mad and I cussed him. I never cuss my parents but I was so tired of his complaining and talking down about other people and I told him to quit acting like an a-hole. Buy the fight was on and he was driving at the time. My mom heard about that one because he went home and fought with her over it. There is no changing my dad, I wish there was.
@chookie1971 (2271)
• Australia
27 Mar 09
I don't know what your mom but I can try to understand. My husband works and he is the major income earner in the family.
He comes home from work, dumps his bag in the middle of the floor. When he takes off his shoes, they too are left in the middle of the floor. He won't help me with the dishes. I asked him to help me one day to show the kids that he does help me. But no. I am there washing and drying the dishes.
He drinks out of cans and bottles and leaves them all over the floor. He is into his computers and has computer parts all over the house. He likes to watch his shows but doesn't want to watch other shows that I like to watch.
When it comes to doing stuff for him, I have to jump. He wanted to do a computer up for me which is faster than my current one. Each time I have said no, I am happy with the one I have. He gets upset. Now I have said I want a new computer. He builds one for me but he has taken it back and using it for himself.
He complains that no one listens to him. I some times wonder why because he doesn't listen to others.
I am 1 person chasing after 4 people which includes myself. So I am cleaning up for 2 adults, 1 teenager, and a 9 year old.
It is so hard to remain positive, especially when you are depressed.
Really I think that there is nothing we really can do for your dad or my husband. They have to realise themselves that there is a problem and need to talk about or do something about the problem.
If your dad does listen to some one, then maybe they can talk to him about the problems that is going on in the family.
I am trying to find some one that I can trust to try and talk to my husband about the problem because I have tried and feels like I have failed to get through to him.
1 person likes this
@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
3 Apr 09
I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like the same thing my dad does to my mom and truthfully, my husband is the same way. He doesn't clean up after himself and he doesn't help me around the house like he used to. It seems like men are big babies and a nurse once told me a few years ago that we wives take over for their mothers. Aint that the truth? :)
@chookie1971 (2271)
• Australia
3 Apr 09
I can agree with you. I feel like my husband's mother. 1 person likes this
@blion23 (403)
• United States
27 Mar 09
I am sorry for the situation that you are in. My parents never really fought, they argued but it was primarily a difference in opinion. However, my best friend has parents that are constantly fighting and sometimes he has difficulty getting them to stop. I think that the most appropriate solution to this problem is to tell your parents about how you feel and work with them to correct the problems that they are having. Figure out what their bickering is about and if necessary you may have to consult a marriage specialist. Good luck and I hope that you will successfully get through these difficult times!
@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
4 Apr 09
When I have tried to talk to my dad about his problems he just gets mad and screams at me or my mom. They have been fighting for as long as I can remember. My dad has a mental condition that runs in his side of the family. I have Bi Polar disorder and social anxiety disorder but the difference between my dad and I is that I decided to get on meds so I wouldn't suffer like him. He refuses treatment and doesn't care that it will make all of us a lot happier. Thanks for your suggestions and your response. :)
@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
3 Apr 09
I used to leave when they fought when I lived with them too. I knew my dad would never hit my mom. It is all verbal abuse from him which can be just as bad as physical.
@rymebristol (1808)
• Philippines
27 Mar 09
as far as i can remember my parents haven't fought for anything, maybe some misunderstanding but for a major fight that looks like it's going to end up in divorce..no, they haven't.my dad loves my mom very much and so is my mom
. and that is something that i am very fortunate of
, for having both parents that understand each others weaknesses or faults.
. and that is something that i am very fortunate of, for having both parents that understand each others weaknesses or faults.@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
3 Apr 09
Yes you are very fortunate and I am happy for you! I wish I could be as fortunate as you. Sometimes I wish my mom and dad would go their separate ways and be done with it.
@worldbestwriter2008 (1633)
• Philippines
27 Mar 09
my parents have been together 25 years already..they discuss and even experienced a slight quarrel for sometimes but then they didn't even try to put us their kids in between..We are just in one room behaving and listening what is happening..but the quarrel is not so bad at all it's just a normal discussion and if one of them soften their voiced one will joined ...so there's no big issue on it..
@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
3 Apr 09
You are so lucky! My parents have been fighting since I can remember. When I was little they never tried to put me in the middle but now they do since I am an adult and I hate it.
@celebratelifeh (1142)
• China
27 Mar 09
well. think most of the parents would quarrel by have different views on their children. when they can't persuad the other part so they quarrel. those parents who have one or more questionable children will getting into quarrel more often. but when they are quarreling. we'd better not show and join to.
1 person likes this
@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
3 Apr 09
I have never tried getting in the middle unless my dad got really mean with my mom. He has never hit her but he gets really mean and I hate it. Unfortunately when I did try to get in the middle he takes it out on both of us. So now I try to keep my mouth shut but it is hard when they are constantly putting me in the middle.
@shirley183 (252)
• China
27 Mar 09
Well,cwilson,honestly,i'm so lucky i have a happiness family,my parents and my brother and me,we three alway can have a good time together.
1 person likes this
@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
3 Apr 09
I am happy for you! It is a real blessing to have a family get along these days! :)
@hustonphotography (569)
• United States
27 Mar 09
My parents are seperated. They fought all the time. They would not purposely bring us in their fights but it is hard when you are a kid and your parents have some really bad fights in front of you. More than not you wouldn't stay out of it. I try not to do that to my kids. If I an my hubby are having problems we take it to another room.
